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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Asked to leave Gym cafe lounge for breastfeeding ?!

560 replies

Arewereallyhere · 09/09/2018 22:16

I was at the gyms lounge / cafe as we’d been for a family swim. Big mainstream private gym. DH was with me.

Baby needed a feed but there were lots of people on all the sofas, which are next to main entrance, so I went to a back bit where there were lots of empty sofas and only one lady sitting texting.
I fed baby with my back to the wall, under a blanket thing and DH was opposite me. Baby was super quiet. No crying , no squeaking, nothing.

A weird man came up to us and asked us to leave as there was an ‘adults only sign’. DH said no as the baby was being quiet and surely sign didn’t apply. Man insisted so DH told him to get staff to settle the matter. Man came back with a bloke who worked there and the staffer apologised but said we had to leave as it was adults only. I said it was ridiculous and clearly because I was breastfeeding. I pointed out that the baby was literally silent. The staffer said he appreciated I probably had wanted privacy but I couldn’t sit there.

The other seating area was a)full of people and I would have had to share a sofa to feed my baby and b) next to main entrance so in full view and I feel a bit self conscious there.

The ‘adults only’ area is right at the back so very quiet and discreet.

We left .

AIBU or are they?

OP posts:
Rufustheyawningreindeer · 10/09/2018 07:53

A lot of people are saying the rules are the rules which is fair enough. However, I still couldn't imagine disturbing a breastfeeding mother to tell her to move because it's adults only.

Same here

A tough one for me as id like to say the OP was not being unreasonable...but i think she was

TheCakeCrusader · 10/09/2018 07:54

OP, you are simply cherry picking the extremely small minority of posters who agree with you so that you can feel justified in your entitlement that you are in the right.

Really, why are you bothering posting in AIBU if you’re not willing to engage with the majority that are saying uwbu? Confused

EdWinchester · 10/09/2018 08:00

I agree with everyone else who says YWBU. Which is almost every poster. And your thread title is completely incorrect.

Nothing to do with breastfeeding.

CherryAide · 10/09/2018 08:02

Meh, bit of a misleading title now isn't it...

I don't think you were entirely unreasonable in breastfeeding there, if there weren't many seats elsewhere I might've tried my luck. When asked to move however I would've done so without fuss, because it is an adults only area, and regardless of whether I disagree with this or not, a baby is not an adult.

Saying that I couldn't give a shiny shite where you breastfeed, but this bloke clearly did! Maybe join a different gym?

cheminotte · 10/09/2018 08:06

Are you members of the gym? I would be giving notice if you were. Surely breastfeeding is protected by law. I’m sure if the baby had been asleep in your arms the man wouldn’t have felt the need to complain.

PeakedTooEarly · 10/09/2018 08:10

OP sorry but you are being an entitled arse and you need to knock it off a bit. Are you like this all the time? When you want to be in adult only areas and we all do sometimes just for a bit of a break, you will appareiate it all the more if the rules are enforced on your behalf.

Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 10/09/2018 08:11

It's adults only. Don't turn this into a breastfeeding thing when it clearly isn't.

CherryAide · 10/09/2018 08:11

@cheminotte she wasn't asked to stop breastfeeding, she was asked to move elsewhere to do it.

bellabasset · 10/09/2018 08:16

I wouldn't have complained but having had experience of the dc's running round in the changing rooms, using the pool when it's adults only I understand why he did.

Also adults pay a considerably higher fee individually than families so ywbu.

Pamdoo · 10/09/2018 08:16

Your attitude winds me up because I think the UK has dreadfully low breastfeeding rates and people like you making out that you will be asked to move just because you're breastfeeding all add to the perception that it's a Big Deal To Breastfeed In Public

This. The sooner people start realising breastfeeding doesn't make them special and making a big fuss over it, the sooner it will become 'normalised'

CherryAide · 10/09/2018 08:17

The sooner people start realising breastfeeding doesn't make them special and making a big fuss over it, the sooner it will become 'normalised'

Yes!!!

HunnidBands · 10/09/2018 08:18

However, I still couldn't imagine disturbing a breastfeeding mother

This smacks of preciousness to me.

cricketmum84 · 10/09/2018 08:19

You weren't asked to leave for breastfeeding. You were asked to leave because you had taken a baby into the adults only section of the cafe. Yes YABU.

Scientistic · 10/09/2018 08:22

Ok the title being wrong aside, the person who approached you was being U in my opinion. Anyone who disturbs a breastfeeding mum in the interests of bureaucracy is being ridiculous.

Simple conversation if a toddler then went in there thinking that kids were ok:

But that lady had a baby in here
That lady was feeding her baby though and needed somewhere to sit

Job done.

The person who interrupted you has issues. Who on earth does that.

Scientistic · 10/09/2018 08:23

Preciousness is a joke surely. Would you actually interrupt a feeding mother to tell her to move? Come on.

Hoppinggreen · 10/09/2018 08:23

“And over here Mr potential gym member is our adults only area”
“But there’s a baby in it, you advertised as having adult only areas”
“Yes but it doesn’t count because it’s being fed”

SuperCargo · 10/09/2018 08:25

Anyone who disturbs a breastfeeding mum in the interests of bureaucracy is being ridiculous

Jesus, it was just a baby; hardly an endangered species

troodiedoo · 10/09/2018 08:25

I think breastfeeding law trumps the sign legally? as long as it's not dangerous you can bf anywhere you like and nobody can stop you. so you would not be u to put in a complaint.

saying that, I do agree that militant bf ers aren't doing the cause any favours.

troodiedoo · 10/09/2018 08:30

@SuperCargo a breastfed baby. so there is a case for saying they are an endangered species. definitely a protected one.

Oysterbabe · 10/09/2018 08:33

You can breastfeed anywhere babies are allowed, so not in an adults only area. I couldn't breastfeed my baby while with my toddler in intensive care the other week because I wasn't allowed to take him in there.

Excited0803 · 10/09/2018 08:33

I can understand chancing it if the area is empty and there are no seats you can readily use. It's so hard sometimes when you just want to be half comfortable to feed your baby, but most places aren't set up to help that and you're having to make decisions very quickly. Asking you to move mid-feed feels unkind, because it's all so tiring and difficult sometimes, but if it's adults only then I suppose the staff member had to do it. I'm sorry you had a bad day though. Regardless of what you see on mumsnet, lots of people do understand it's difficult and do care.

loveka · 10/09/2018 08:34

I agree the man should have left you alone. He was being an arse.

But the reason I din't continue my membership at David Lloyd was because the place is basically a kindergarten. Adults only times were basically 1 hour a day in the pool, and even then people would bring children in. There were no adult only times in the outdoor pool, as it closed for maintenance during the adult only hour. The adult only changing bits were always full of kids running round screaming.

All this for only £100 a month!

speakout · 10/09/2018 08:35

as long as it's not dangerous you can bf anywhere you like and nobody can stop you.

That's not true.

Try taking a baby into a casino to breastfeed or the public gallery in court, a tattoo studio, or an over 21s nightclub.

Breastfeeding a baby does not give you a pass to enter anywhere.

ferrier · 10/09/2018 08:36

A mother feeding her baby is a mother-baby dyad. Not really the same as a separate child which is presumably what the gym wants to bar.
By having this ruling, the gym are being bf unfriendly. No mother wants to feed their baby banging elbows with other people. She wants a nice quiet space. This is what the adult area provided. If the adult area had been noisy and the general area quiet she would have fed her baby in the general area.
As a rule, businesses should do what they can to facilitate breastfeeding. This gym didn't.

NicoAndTheNiners · 10/09/2018 08:44

The OP says herself there's no doors between the areas, that it's two side by side sofas. Her argument works both ways. It couldn't have been quieter or more private there. Maybe she didn't want to sit on the same sofa as someone else while bf but that's very precious. I bf for 16months and managed just fine sitting next to people. Maybe the OP isn't ready yet.....she could have gone in the changing room or her car.

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