Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Asked to leave Gym cafe lounge for breastfeeding ?!

560 replies

Arewereallyhere · 09/09/2018 22:16

I was at the gyms lounge / cafe as we’d been for a family swim. Big mainstream private gym. DH was with me.

Baby needed a feed but there were lots of people on all the sofas, which are next to main entrance, so I went to a back bit where there were lots of empty sofas and only one lady sitting texting.
I fed baby with my back to the wall, under a blanket thing and DH was opposite me. Baby was super quiet. No crying , no squeaking, nothing.

A weird man came up to us and asked us to leave as there was an ‘adults only sign’. DH said no as the baby was being quiet and surely sign didn’t apply. Man insisted so DH told him to get staff to settle the matter. Man came back with a bloke who worked there and the staffer apologised but said we had to leave as it was adults only. I said it was ridiculous and clearly because I was breastfeeding. I pointed out that the baby was literally silent. The staffer said he appreciated I probably had wanted privacy but I couldn’t sit there.

The other seating area was a)full of people and I would have had to share a sofa to feed my baby and b) next to main entrance so in full view and I feel a bit self conscious there.

The ‘adults only’ area is right at the back so very quiet and discreet.

We left .

AIBU or are they?

OP posts:
PurpleFlower1983 · 09/09/2018 23:29

Misleading title/thread. YWBU. It’s an adults only area and you took a child with you.

WashedUpCelebrity · 09/09/2018 23:29

YABU. It's a baby, not an adult. Doesn't matter how cute or nice or quiet your baby is - if they let one in, somebody will complain and they'll have to let more in. Let the adults who don't have kids/want a moment away from their kids to have that ffs.

mum11970 · 09/09/2018 23:29

Get over yourself, you had a child in the adults only area and you were asked to leave, end of and I’m not going to agree with you just because I’m a woman with children.

AllesAusLiebe · 09/09/2018 23:34

PurpleDaisies sorry, I didn’t explain my post very well. I was questioning what shr was doing with a baby at the gym.

Thecrabbypatty · 09/09/2018 23:34

I agree, you could have sat there with a quiet child eating a sandwich and you would still be asked to move. It's not unreasonable to have adults only areas, nor is it discriminatory. Some areas are not suitable for children and some places provide a service for people who just want to be with adults only, for whatever reason. It's hardly a niche clientele considering the huge amount of places that charge a premium for adults only spaces. If there wasn't a substantial demand then they wouldn't be in business. There was a place for women to breastfeed and OP chose not to use it - - perhaps because it was noisy and crammed with other people's children--

Thecrabbypatty · 09/09/2018 23:37

And if there wasn't an adults only area OP would have had no chouce but to sit elbow to elbow with a man and breastfeed, even if she was feeling self conscious.

firsttimebabybirther · 09/09/2018 23:37

Just a quick question @Arewereallyhere , why did you you post in AIBU if you are not prepared to hear that you where bu?

dinosaurkisses · 09/09/2018 23:38

I’m laughing at people quoting discrimination legalisation on the basis that David Lloyd have adult only areas.

I’m going to bring my 11 month old to a casino and cry “age discrimination!” when they won’t let her place a bet at the roulette table.

BMW6 · 09/09/2018 23:43

But OP you took a non-adult into an adults only area! Everything else is irrelevant.

Rebecca36 · 09/09/2018 23:44

Couldn't you have waited until you were in the car ready to go home, to breast feed? If a sign says, "Adults Only", no babies are allowed.

slashlover · 09/09/2018 23:45

So there should be no kid free spaces because it's discrimination due to age?

But saving certain parking bays due to the age of one of the occupants of the car is not? Certain cafes near hear do cheaper meals for OAPs, surely that's discrimination due to me not being that age? There's an over-60s aerobics group, should I demand to be able to attend?

underneaththeash · 09/09/2018 23:46

Well you clearly can't go into the adults only bit with a child, so YABU.

AllesAusLiebe · 09/09/2018 23:47

OP, I’m going to give you something additional to think about here. You said in a previous post:
It’s hard enough having kids

I suffered from infertility. For years. Whenever the option was available, I used adult spaces simply because I struggled to be around families with children. Adults only areas of pubs, restaurants and booked adults only holidays. I didn’t expect the rest of the world to bend for me; I made choices that were appropriate for my situation at the time.

Maybe you do find it hard having kids, maybe you struggle with your baby more than I struggled with not being able to conceive, but please think next time before you assume that your ‘rights’ as a breastfeeding mother are paramount and more important than anyone else’s.

Bumdishcloths · 09/09/2018 23:48

Still breastfeeding my 11 month old. Constantly flabbergasted at the number of whiny breastfeeding mothers. "WE MUST NORMALISE BREASTFEEDING" and yet I'm 99% certain the only people who don't think it's normal are the buggers actually doing it ffs.

You were moved because it was adults only. Breastfeeding doesn't magically trump rules.

BMW6 · 09/09/2018 23:53

I have asked MNHQ to change the thread title as totally misleading and factually incorrect.

Title should be "I was asked to leave because I took a baby into adults only area - WIBU"

Dobbythesockelf · 10/09/2018 00:01

Nothing to do with breastfeeding. You had a child in an adults only area. Having kids is hard but so are many other things in life. Your struggles don't trump other people's. If you don't want to feed around other people then feed in the car, if you don't want to do that then your world will become rather small I imagine.

Wispaismyfave · 10/09/2018 00:12

I think you are trying to play the breastfeeding card, I say that as someone currently breastfeeding! The thing is just because you are breastfeeding doesn't give you the right to access all areas.

I was at a wedding last week at a private hotel and had to go upstairs to bed (at 9pm!!) when the wedding party was moved into a bar area. It was no children allowed. Unfortunately a small baby counts as a child.

catlady3 · 10/09/2018 00:13

Wow, such excellent rule followers here, why bother questioning if the rule makes sense or if enforcement is just, rules are rules not matter the harm it seems... Just wow.

rainbowsandsmiles · 10/09/2018 00:18

Catlady - it's no children. The baby is a child. It's not rocket science when it says it's an adult only area.
Start bending the rules for one who thinks that it doesn't apply to them and it's opening up to others who think their kids are exempt and they should be entitled too.

noobs18 · 10/09/2018 00:18

Op you seem pretty picky about where you're prepared to breastfeed. Don't want to do it in the car. Don't want to do it in the family seating area. If you choose to breastfeed and you're not prepared to stay at home 24/7 then you're going to need to get used to breastfeeding in all sorts of places. You don't get to break the rules just because you're gasp breastfeeding. Also your thread title is click bait and for that alone you're being unreasonable

SD1978 · 10/09/2018 00:20

Sorry- whether he was being an arse or not- you were sitting in area for adults only- that's why it was quiet. There were other areas which had no restriction which you were not happy to use. You weren't kicked out for breastfeeding- you were asked to move because he didn't want a child in the adult only area.

dinosaurkisses · 10/09/2018 00:22

What, @catlady3?

Whatever the OP believes, no actual harm has come to her or her child because a staff member had the temerity to hold her to the same expectations as every other parent who uses the gym.

There seems to be a very clear divide on this thread between posters who understand that rules are there for a reason, and those that believe any restrictions regardless of how reasonable they are are a serious infringement of their human right not to share a sofa.

abacucat · 10/09/2018 00:26

18-24 holidays are perfectly legal, as are saga holidays for above a certain age. Companies set age restrictions on certain services where it makes commercial sense for them to do so. These examples have nothing to do with legal or safety restrictions and everything to do with meeting a market need.
It doesn't matter if you think a gym having an adult only area is ridiculous or not, clearly there is a need there or they would not be providing them.

abacucat · 10/09/2018 00:30

And anyone who works with the public will tell you that if you make exceptions to rules for 1 person, it nearly always comes back to bite you.
And no way can adult only spaces be okay for adults feeding kids formula or breastfeeding. That would inevitably lead to not only crying babies and toddlers there, but also breastfeeding mothers taking other kids in there too - "because you can't expect me to just abandon my kids while I breastfeed my baby." If it is going to be an adult only space, it needs to be that without exception.

TheDowagerCuntess · 10/09/2018 00:31

They could've used their discression, they could've asked you to move once you were finished and they could've asked you to do it somewhere else next time. They showed zero compassion.

Yes, they could have done all this, but it doesn't change the fact that the OP was asked to move because she was in an 'adults only' section - not because she was breastfeeding, per se.

Non-issue, OP, non-issue. But way to make it into one.

I didn't particularly love breastfeeding in public, myself. Which is why I would certainly have gone out of my way NOT to do it in an adults only section. Confused

Because, you know, that would be a sure-fire way to really draw attention to myself - exactly what I would not have wanted to do. Hmm