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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Asked to leave Gym cafe lounge for breastfeeding ?!

560 replies

Arewereallyhere · 09/09/2018 22:16

I was at the gyms lounge / cafe as we’d been for a family swim. Big mainstream private gym. DH was with me.

Baby needed a feed but there were lots of people on all the sofas, which are next to main entrance, so I went to a back bit where there were lots of empty sofas and only one lady sitting texting.
I fed baby with my back to the wall, under a blanket thing and DH was opposite me. Baby was super quiet. No crying , no squeaking, nothing.

A weird man came up to us and asked us to leave as there was an ‘adults only sign’. DH said no as the baby was being quiet and surely sign didn’t apply. Man insisted so DH told him to get staff to settle the matter. Man came back with a bloke who worked there and the staffer apologised but said we had to leave as it was adults only. I said it was ridiculous and clearly because I was breastfeeding. I pointed out that the baby was literally silent. The staffer said he appreciated I probably had wanted privacy but I couldn’t sit there.

The other seating area was a)full of people and I would have had to share a sofa to feed my baby and b) next to main entrance so in full view and I feel a bit self conscious there.

The ‘adults only’ area is right at the back so very quiet and discreet.

We left .

AIBU or are they?

OP posts:

ClaryFray · 10/09/2018 18:35

Yabu.

Breastfeeding doesn't trump, adults only.

That's like being evicting from a night club and crying breastfeeding as a reason.

Adults only is just that.

Momo27 · 10/09/2018 18:35

2 strangers didn’t come and shout at her. A man asked her to leave as it was adults only, and when she argued back, the man quite reasonably fetched a staff member.

Facts not titillating enough for you frothers ?

Hayles88 · 10/09/2018 18:36

Oh come on. Surely people realise that 2 strangers going over and shouting at a self conscious woman trying to keep a low profile with her tits out isn't what you do?

Don't make stuff up, no one shouted. It's quite sad you need to embellish the ops story to attempt to get people on your side.

Aspenfrost · 10/09/2018 18:37

I approve of rules. They are there for a reason otherwise it would be Liberty hall.

LouHotel · 10/09/2018 18:40

This thread is bullshit trying to suggest a adults only area of a gym is the same as a nightclub.

Adults only areas do not trump a women's right to breastfeed - please someone show me the writing in the law that suggests they are.

Aspenfrost · 10/09/2018 18:40

an adults only

rainbowsandsmiles · 10/09/2018 18:42

Oh come on. Surely people realise that 2 strangers going over and shouting

Where did the OP say shouting?
Are we just making stuff up now to make it sound more dramatic?
Next thing we know the story'll be embellished even more and that she was threatened to be bounced down the hallway or something!

Momo27 · 10/09/2018 18:45

Hayles88 it’s a sure sign they have no rational argument isn’t it? As for ‘blindly following the rules as long as the sign is put up” ; well, as an avid long term breastfeeder mum of 3, I think having adults only areas is an excellent rule. On the occasions I didn’t have a babe dangling from my babe, I bloody loved having some adult only space.

Surprising as it may seem, pushing a baby out of my vagina and feeding it from my breasts didn’t automatically mean I became an entitied, self serving idiot who thought the world started and ended with my babies

Momo27 · 10/09/2018 18:46

Babe dangling from my boob not babe. Although with 3 under fours, it sure felt like a babe dangling from a babe dangling from a boob!

LouHotel · 10/09/2018 18:48

In fact the nighclub/betting shop points are redundant as she wouldn't be allowed to enter the premises with a baby.

The moment the OP started breastfeeding she was protected by the 2010 equalities act and asking her to stop and move on was discrimanatory. Clearly hardly anyone on this thread will agree but I'm pretty sure my interpretation of public bfing laws is correct. Happy to be corrected.

Timeisslippingaway · 10/09/2018 18:48

@ferrier

Don't be so obtuse, she was asked to move to another part of the gym not leave, no one was offended by the bf, she could have sat I the couches opposite like she said but she just didn't want to. Why does what the OP wants trump everyone else because she is bf her baby? If she was bottle feeding do you think she would have been allowed to stay? Eh no probably not because it was Adults only!

Hayles88 · 10/09/2018 18:51

@LouHotel

RTFT. Its been posted and explained many many times.

AssignedNorthernAtBirth · 10/09/2018 18:52

I'm never going to be on the other end of this equation catlady because I'm not inconsiderate, entitled or daft enough to think I get to take a baby into an adult only section of a private venue.

Also, the stuff about blindly following the rules is a strawman, because nobody here is advocating always following a rule whatever it is. But seeing as how this is a sensible and legitimate rule, one that rational and reasonable people will follow, the issue of blind following doesn't arise.

Adults only areas do not trump a women's right to breastfeed - please someone show me the writing in the law that suggests they are.

Why don't you find us the statute or case law that says a woman's right to breastfeed trumps private facilities with age limits louhotel? I want to see your attempt first before I explain the meaning of the relevant legislation.

PortiaCastis · 10/09/2018 18:52

An adult only space means just that as in no babies and children

WizzbangWallopWot · 10/09/2018 19:02

@LouHotel that's absolute bollocks!!! The rule says it's illegal to ask BECAUSE someone is breastfeeding that's not why she was asked to leave!

So if she ran in the door of a betting shop tits out and baby latched they wouldn't be allowed to ask her to move?

Sugarhunnyicedtea · 10/09/2018 19:03

@Louhotel your interpretation is entirely incorrect. A breastfeeding woman can't be discriminated against because she's breastfeeding. Op wasn't

WizzbangWallopWot · 10/09/2018 19:05

@themuttsnutts why not say they screamed in her face, made the baby cry, physically pulled her ....... you know just rewrite the situation to suit your opinion!

AssignedNorthernAtBirth · 10/09/2018 19:05

Ok so I said I want to hear your interpretation before explaining, this seems to be it. Now for the correction. I'm a solicitor, if that helps, but this is actually pretty straightforward legislation.

So the first point to make is that OP was asked to move on, not stop. That's an important distinction. Asking her to stop really would be a breach, but asking her to leave isn't. She would've been within her rights to continue breastfeeding as she left.

The relevant provision of the Act is the one that says she can't be treated less favourably because she's breastfeeding. That isn't the same as nobody being allowed to ask her ever to leave anywhere.

If you're asked to leave an area where either you or the baby aren't allowed to be, you're not being treated less favourably because of the breastfeeding. You're being treated the same as anyone else who had a baby they weren't breastfeeding (unless of course you aren't, so if there'd been parents with babies in the adult only area and OP was the only one asked to move, that could be a breach). If OP had been asked to leave the family section due to her breastfeeding, that would also be a breach, because the reason was the breastfeeding.

If you think about it for a minute, it's never going to be the law that a woman who's breastfeeding can't ever be asked to leave somewhere public. That would mean breastfeeding women could never be asked to leave any public place because it's shut/ting, because she's being abusive to the staff, because the place is being evacuated, because she needs a ticket to be there and she doesn't have one, because they're men only/over 21s after 5pm and any one of the dozens of reasons why an adult in public might be asked to leave the particular area. The law wouldn't be workable if it were to say what you think it said.

themuttsnutts · 10/09/2018 19:19

The counter argument is dm.

If I were the waitress, I'd say 'sure, I'll let her know she's in an adult area but Ill give her some privacy while the baby finishes the end.'

SoupDragon · 10/09/2018 19:20

due to some troublemaker of a customer

Only one customer wasn’t following the rules and it wasn’t the man.

Here's hoping the "shut up, it's the rules" ppl on this thread never find themselves on the other end of this equation.

I would not have found myself in that position because I never thought I was above the rules just because I was breastfeeding. Breastfeeding doesn’t have to turn a woman into an entitled idiot.

SoupDragon · 10/09/2018 19:22

personally' I very much doubt this ever happened anyway. It’s ridiculous.

Timeisslippingaway · 10/09/2018 19:28

themuttsnutts

If that's the way you would handle the situation you wouldn't be doing your job properly. Some babies can be feed for a long time. What if the baby was feeding for an hour and a half and within that time there were 4 complaints from different people there was still a baby in the adults only area. What if another mother saw the OP and decided to go feed her bottle fed baby there aswell? Would that be Ok?

howdyholdthedoody · 10/09/2018 19:33

'Ooo I breastfeed my baby so I can do whatever I please and don't have to follow the same rules as mere mortals. Don't dare tell me I can't though because BREASTFEEEEDING'
🙄🙄🙄

themuttsnutts · 10/09/2018 19:39

I have worked in customer services for many years and have always been told 'use your discretion'.

Timeisslippingaway · 10/09/2018 19:44

Oh ffs, so piss off the customer in the right so as not to piss off the one in the wrong. Yeah great customer service there.

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