Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Asked to leave Gym cafe lounge for breastfeeding ?!

560 replies

Arewereallyhere · 09/09/2018 22:16

I was at the gyms lounge / cafe as we’d been for a family swim. Big mainstream private gym. DH was with me.

Baby needed a feed but there were lots of people on all the sofas, which are next to main entrance, so I went to a back bit where there were lots of empty sofas and only one lady sitting texting.
I fed baby with my back to the wall, under a blanket thing and DH was opposite me. Baby was super quiet. No crying , no squeaking, nothing.

A weird man came up to us and asked us to leave as there was an ‘adults only sign’. DH said no as the baby was being quiet and surely sign didn’t apply. Man insisted so DH told him to get staff to settle the matter. Man came back with a bloke who worked there and the staffer apologised but said we had to leave as it was adults only. I said it was ridiculous and clearly because I was breastfeeding. I pointed out that the baby was literally silent. The staffer said he appreciated I probably had wanted privacy but I couldn’t sit there.

The other seating area was a)full of people and I would have had to share a sofa to feed my baby and b) next to main entrance so in full view and I feel a bit self conscious there.

The ‘adults only’ area is right at the back so very quiet and discreet.

We left .

AIBU or are they?

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 10/09/2018 16:58

It wasn’t a case of “you can’t breastfeed there” but “you can’t have a child there”.

It’s quite simple.

MrMeSeeks · 10/09/2018 17:00

Thanks for pointing out to me what you believe the "real" issue was. May I suggest that the REAL real issue is that there aren't enough quiet, comfortable, private areas available for breastfeeding. Cue the choir of "feminists" shouting that breastfeeding is a personal choice and why should the community have to accommodate this. Enjoy the patriarchy, darlinks.
Maybe there aren’t but why should someone take over the one place that is adults ( means no children) only?

LadyPenelope68 · 10/09/2018 17:01

Very misleading title, you weren’t asked to leave because you were breastfeeding, you were asked to leave because you had a child in an adults only area. Doesn’t matter how quiet they were, it’s adults only, end of.

SpitefulMidLifeAnimal · 10/09/2018 17:09

Maybe there aren’t but why should someone take over the one place that is adults ( means no children) only?

Well quite. That could very well be a "safe space" for many, including those who have suffered losses and people with misophonia. I don't see why these groups of people should be made to feel uncomfortable.

catlady3 · 10/09/2018 17:16

@Momo Maybe I just need more cats??

Momo27 · 10/09/2018 17:16

Very good point spiteful. I would imagine for someone who’d recently lost a child, had a miscarriage or some other tragedy, the adult only area would be a safe space and to have some selfish woman bringing a baby into it could be very upsetting

Cheddarsmedders · 10/09/2018 17:17

ferrier She wasn’t discouraged from
BF though, OP was discouraged from sitting in an adult only area with a baby.

ferrier · 10/09/2018 17:19

The effect was to discourage her from breastfeeding.
She now knows there's one place less where she is comfortable and welcome to feed.

LyndorCake · 10/09/2018 17:19

@Momo ah yes but according to catlady men don't have feelings and the only possible reason a man may be uncomfortable with a baby being in an adult only space is because he is a woman hating, breast idolising, sexist pig.

Momo27 · 10/09/2018 17:23

If being asked to feed your baby anywhere other than the tiny minority of places where it is not allowed is enough to discourage you from bf, you’re probably not that committed to it. The vast majority of places it’s allowed, and protected by law

RibbonAurora · 10/09/2018 17:30

ferrier she was never welcome to feed her baby there in the first place becuase it was 'adults only' so she has lost nothing she didn't have before.

Cheddarsmedders · 10/09/2018 17:34

The effect was to discourage her from breastfeeding.
She now knows there's one place less where she is comfortable and welcome to feed.

Good. She wasn’t welcome to feed there. BF doesn’t give you the right to disregard the desires and rights of people that don’t happen to have a baby.

AssignedNorthernAtBirth · 10/09/2018 17:40

It's unfortunate that OP needed chucking out before realising she wasn't welcome to feed her baby in an area where babies aren't allowed.

Momo27 · 10/09/2018 17:56

If I take my dog into the one area of the park where it is disallowed, please may I have a hissy fit and claim I’m discouraged from walking my dog?

GoatYoga · 10/09/2018 18:04

David Lloyd has lots of places that you can breastfeed a baby - the adults only area is not one of them. The have large lounge areas, reception areas, family area, family changing rooms - all with seating.

The OP says she was covered so sharing a sofa is no big deal.

The adults without children are very protective of their space mainly due to the behaviour of the children that run wild - it is a little unfair to say that breastfeeding is not welcomed.

SoupDragon · 10/09/2018 18:16

The effect was to discourage her from breastfeeding.

That is all in her head.

rainbowsandsmiles · 10/09/2018 18:18

David Lloyd has lots of places that you can breastfeed a baby - the adults only area is not one of them. The have large lounge areas, reception areas, family area, family changing rooms - all with seating

Yes, but if that's the case and you just went to the places that you can happily bf in there, how would you ever get the chance to play the victimised card or have the chance to practise your Daily Mail sad face?! Grin

SoupDragon · 10/09/2018 18:19

Do you think breastfeeding gives you the right to do whatever you like?

Feed your baby how you like wher for it is appropriate to do so. Somewhere that children are not allowed is not one of those places.

Making this about breastfeeding and bleating about being “discouraged usages” just makes bereastfeeding women out to be whinging, delicate little flowers. It does no one any favours, least of allbreastfeeding women.

SoupDragon · 10/09/2018 18:19

I don’t know why auto correct has inserted the word “usages” in there. 🙄

themuttsnutts · 10/09/2018 18:25

They could have waited until you'd stopped feeding the baby and so could the man. It all seems ott aggressive and unnecessary- particularly as the baby wasn't disturbing anyone

I think the man did have a problem with you feeding but used the rule as a loophole. The worker should have exercised their common sense in the matter but perhaps it's a training issue.

So, technically they were right but they treated you v shoddily due to some troublemaker of a customer

Aspenfrost · 10/09/2018 18:27

The fact that they were “technically right”
is all that needs to be said.

How many more times?

It was a space for ADULTS.

themuttsnutts · 10/09/2018 18:31

Oh come on. Surely people realise that 2 strangers going over and shouting at a self conscious woman trying to keep a low profile with her tits out isn't what you do?

Yes, they weren't being u to politely point the sign out but then was.not the time to do it. The while experience must have been really humiliating

I know I wouldn't as a customer and certainly not as a waitress.

AssignedNorthernAtBirth · 10/09/2018 18:33

The one who needed to exercise some common sense is OP.

Momo27 · 10/09/2018 18:33

muttnutts you have no clue what’s going on inside the man’s head. Neither do any of us. So let’s just stick to the facts.

Unless of course facts are getting in the way of the frothing daily mail readers on here who are outraged that shock horror, Hold the front page: Woman is told not to bring baby into adults only area

catlady3 · 10/09/2018 18:34

Here's hoping the "shut up, it's the rules" ppl on this thread never find themselves on the other end of this equation. I'm sure you'll just comply with whatever, as long as the appropriate sign has been put up. As for me allegedly hating men, I don't. I do have a deep dislike of illogical and uncompassionate folk, however.