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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Asked to leave Gym cafe lounge for breastfeeding ?!

560 replies

Arewereallyhere · 09/09/2018 22:16

I was at the gyms lounge / cafe as we’d been for a family swim. Big mainstream private gym. DH was with me.

Baby needed a feed but there were lots of people on all the sofas, which are next to main entrance, so I went to a back bit where there were lots of empty sofas and only one lady sitting texting.
I fed baby with my back to the wall, under a blanket thing and DH was opposite me. Baby was super quiet. No crying , no squeaking, nothing.

A weird man came up to us and asked us to leave as there was an ‘adults only sign’. DH said no as the baby was being quiet and surely sign didn’t apply. Man insisted so DH told him to get staff to settle the matter. Man came back with a bloke who worked there and the staffer apologised but said we had to leave as it was adults only. I said it was ridiculous and clearly because I was breastfeeding. I pointed out that the baby was literally silent. The staffer said he appreciated I probably had wanted privacy but I couldn’t sit there.

The other seating area was a)full of people and I would have had to share a sofa to feed my baby and b) next to main entrance so in full view and I feel a bit self conscious there.

The ‘adults only’ area is right at the back so very quiet and discreet.

We left .

AIBU or are they?

OP posts:
CornishMaid1 · 10/09/2018 14:00

It is not about breastfeeding - it is about being asked to move from an adult only area because OP has gone there with a non-adult.

There were seats in the family area (although busy) so OP could have bf there. OP could have sat on the sofa closest to the family area (so just over the boundary line) if she wanted a sofa to herself. Instead OP walked all the way through the adult only area and sat furthest away from the family area. That is BU.

If she sat on the sofa closest to the family area, it may not have been an issue.

CocoCharlie83 · 10/09/2018 14:00

YABVU. I will shortly be attending antenatal classes for breast feeding but dreading having precious people like the OP in my group.

How dare the 'weird' man ask that an adult only area that he pays for as part of his membership is kept adult only. I mean he should have at least waited for there to be at least 5 babies in there before saying anything or to wait until the baby started screaming the place down and the OP taking 5 minutes to get her things together to leave the area. But he should have to put up with that because the OP is too precious to follow simple rules or bf in one of the multiple other places available

ferrier · 10/09/2018 14:28

It's not about the right to bf. It's about doing everything possible to encourage it (or not discourage it).

Timeisslippingaway · 10/09/2018 14:38

The OP wasn't discouraged from bf, she could literally sit anywhere else in the gym to bf and no one would have said a word but she chose to sit I. the adults only area because ironically she didn't want to sit with other people and their children.

Sandstormbrewing · 10/09/2018 14:44

holidaylady you are wrong. She has the right to breastfeed wherever the BABY has a right to be. In this instance the baby didn't have a right to be in the adults only area.

catlady3 · 10/09/2018 14:46

Thanks for pointing out to me what you believe the "real" issue was. May I suggest that the REAL real issue is that there aren't enough quiet, comfortable, private areas available for breastfeeding. Cue the choir of "feminists" shouting that breastfeeding is a personal choice and why should the community have to accommodate this. Enjoy the patriarchy, darlinks.

SoupDragon · 10/09/2018 14:51

In England and Wales a mother has the legal right to breastfeed her baby wherever she has the right to be.

Even if that were true, she doesn’t have the right to be in an adult only area with a baby.

Nikephorus · 10/09/2018 14:54

May I suggest that the REAL real issue is that there aren't enough quiet, comfortable, private areas available for breastfeeding
I'd suggest that there aren't enough quiet, comfortable areas which are restricted to adults only because there's always some entitled bugger who thinks their demands are more important than anyone else's needs.

SoupDragon · 10/09/2018 14:55

consideration for another person not behaving disruptively

How about consideration for the man who wanted the adult only space to be child free?

NicoAndTheNiners · 10/09/2018 15:25

Well I guess anyone who thinks it was fine would be happy with someone taking a well behaved 10yo in an adult area as long as thèy weren't disturbing anyone? [Hmm]

Nowhere do I see that the man said he was uncomfortable with her breastfeeding as others have said. He just didn't want the baby there. I wouldn't have either and I have no issue with bf.

catlady3 · 10/09/2018 15:25

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

LyndorCake · 10/09/2018 15:28

So why does her need for comfort trump his need for comfort? He was in the appropriate area, she was not. Does choosing to breastfeed suddenly mean that you are more important than anyone else?

myrtleWilson · 10/09/2018 15:33

But catlady - the OP's DH could have been bottle-feeding the infant and the other man would still be within his rights to ask the DH to move elsewhere with the child...

SoupDragon · 10/09/2018 15:35

Poor menz, just going about their business not wanting to be inconvenienced by those pesky female-types having to take care of the next generation. And what a bugger, wanting to feed your hungry child. Tragic. Also please raise your hand if you're just a man trolling, ta muchly.

That just makes you sound like a numpty.

Sweetpotatoaddict · 10/09/2018 15:37

Wow, the OP has almost managed to unite the majority of posters on here. That is quite an achievement Grin

bluemoonchances · 10/09/2018 15:37

I think there's only one person trolling here.

LyndorCake · 10/09/2018 15:39

cat this has fuck all to do with sex and everything to do with age. You're just coming across as a man hater.

Cheddarsmedders · 10/09/2018 15:39

Poor menz, just going about their business not wanting to be inconvenienced by those pesky female-types having to take care of the next generation. And what a bugger, wanting to feed your hungry child. Tragic. Also please raise your hand if you're just a man trolling, ta muchly

Misses the point AND sounds like a complete numpty.

catlady3 · 10/09/2018 15:45

You guys are hilarious, thank you for making my day.

Momo27 · 10/09/2018 15:56

There were sofas in the family areas which were presumably just as comfortable as the ones in the adult only area. If she wanted more privacy (though why the fuck should she hide away when bf) she could have used the women’s changing rooms or her car.

But she didn’t want those... she wanted to go in the one area designated for adults only.

People like the OP are entitled arses, and it’s got fuck all to do with bf.

Btw I’m a woman, pro bf and in fact fed all mine until they were toddlers. It didn’t turn me into an entitled arse.

The (very small number of ) people on this thread defending the OP are hilarious with their frothing. Several hundred posts in and not one of them has addressed the actual point that the OP did have plenty of other places to go, she wasnt asked to leave the premises, she was just asked not to bring a child into the adult only area

WizzbangWallopWot · 10/09/2018 16:16

@catlady3 get a grip she could've breast fed loads of places! She's not a special case that doesn't have to abide by rules just because she's breastfeeding!

CocoCharlie83 · 10/09/2018 16:19

So people who think a baby getting a feed trumps all rules or consideration for others if a man bottle feeding an infant wanted to do so in a female only area like the female changing rooms because he felt more 'comfortable' there should he be allowed?

Since he would be feeding an infant he should be allowed to at least finish before having to leave and it'd be rude to ask him to leave an area where he specifically shouldn't be because feeding a child is more important that any rules even if he has multiple other options for feeding the infant. Rules shouldn't matter once the person doing the feeding has selected the most comfortable for them even though they have different options or areas where it is allowed so stuff anyone else it affects

Momo27 · 10/09/2018 16:20

Catlady needs to get out more if this thread is making her day Grin

ferrier · 10/09/2018 16:49

The OP wasn't discouraged from bf, she could literally sit anywhere else in the gym to bf and no one would have said a word but she chose to sit I. the adults only area because ironically she didn't want to sit with other people and their children.

Of course she was discouraged. She wanted to feed somewhere a bit more discreetly and less distracting for the baby than the main entrance and where all the people were.

SoupDragon · 10/09/2018 16:58

Of course she was discouraged. She wanted to feed somewhere a bit more discreetly and less distracting for the baby than the main entrance and where all the people were.

Of course she wasn’t discouraged. Being told you can take a child into an adult only area isn’t discouraging breastfeeding.

Breastfeeding does not give you carte Blanche to go wherever you like.