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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Asked to leave Gym cafe lounge for breastfeeding ?!

560 replies

Arewereallyhere · 09/09/2018 22:16

I was at the gyms lounge / cafe as we’d been for a family swim. Big mainstream private gym. DH was with me.

Baby needed a feed but there were lots of people on all the sofas, which are next to main entrance, so I went to a back bit where there were lots of empty sofas and only one lady sitting texting.
I fed baby with my back to the wall, under a blanket thing and DH was opposite me. Baby was super quiet. No crying , no squeaking, nothing.

A weird man came up to us and asked us to leave as there was an ‘adults only sign’. DH said no as the baby was being quiet and surely sign didn’t apply. Man insisted so DH told him to get staff to settle the matter. Man came back with a bloke who worked there and the staffer apologised but said we had to leave as it was adults only. I said it was ridiculous and clearly because I was breastfeeding. I pointed out that the baby was literally silent. The staffer said he appreciated I probably had wanted privacy but I couldn’t sit there.

The other seating area was a)full of people and I would have had to share a sofa to feed my baby and b) next to main entrance so in full view and I feel a bit self conscious there.

The ‘adults only’ area is right at the back so very quiet and discreet.

We left .

AIBU or are they?

OP posts:
bluemoonchances · 10/09/2018 12:26

@MrsTennyson yes it is true that you cannot avoid them all the time but like many of us that cannot have children, the sanctuary of child free areas is massively appreciated. As many have said, people who cannot have children will often seek areas where children are not allowed.

TammySwanson · 10/09/2018 12:30

No, it's not ridiculous to suggest that people suffering from infertility would want an adult's only place not have babies in it. Good for you if you don't mind being around them but not everyone one does and it's good to understand and not dismiss what other people feel just because you don't feel it yourself. I know that I have days when I can't stand to be around babies, because all I've ever experienced is loss and I don't want to be faced with something I'll never have. The grief comes in waves so it's not all the time but if I was having a particularly bad day and was seeking some refuge in one of the few areas that I would know should be adult-only (and there are precious few public places that are adults-only) my husband would definitely ask the person holding the baby (no matter what they were doing) to move. Obviously we wouldn't do this in a public place but when you've paid for the privilege of having that safe space in a private club then it should be enforced.

MrMeSeeks · 10/09/2018 12:32

No, it's not ridiculous to suggest that people suffering from infertility would want an adult's only place not have babies in it. Good for you if you don't mind being around them but not everyone one does and it's good to understand and not dismiss what other people feel just because you don't feel it yourself.

This. Men do struggle with infertility you know.
Having few childfree places is the one escape from seeing all the happy families you know you will never have.

MrMeSeeks · 10/09/2018 12:33

And calling this man ‘weird’ because he asked gor the op to follow the rules is nasty.
There was nothing weird about this bloke.

MrsTennyson · 10/09/2018 12:35

But this room is not a child free sanctuary? OP has said it’s a section of a large room with a sign saying adults only.

bluemoonchances · 10/09/2018 12:40

There's a big difference sitting on the other side of a room knowing that you're not going to be directly surrounded by children than someone plonking themselves down opposite you with a baby, in an area you very reasonably would expect a baby to be.

bluemoonchances · 10/09/2018 12:42

And even if that wasn't his reason, the point is that it is an adult only area... SHE SHOULDN'T HAVE EVEN SAT THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!

MrMeSeeks · 10/09/2018 12:47

But this room is not a child free sanctuary? OP has said it’s a section of a large room with a sign saying adults only.
But it’s adults only!= child free! ( meaning no children to be found)

MrsTennyson · 10/09/2018 12:48

Yup, must follow the rules even when it overrides common sense and consideration for another person not behaving disruptively because THE SIGN SAYS SO.

bluemoonchances · 10/09/2018 12:51

Well you know what she should have gone into the staff only area round the back if she wanted proper privacy, no reason whay not... that sign that says Staff Only.. fuck it! It's just a sign after all Hmm

MrsTennyson · 10/09/2018 12:56

False equivalent

AssignedNorthernAtBirth · 10/09/2018 12:58

Common sense would suggest you don't bring a baby into an adult-only area.

LakieLady · 10/09/2018 13:04

I'd describe this particular case as a grey area. OP felt uncomfortable with the available options.

The issue is the OP feeling "uncomfortable", not the options. It's not the gym's fault that the OP feels uncomfortable BFing on a shared sofa, in a car or anywhere else. The right to breastfeed in public doesn't include the right not to feel uncomfortable.

The management of the gym must believe that there is enough call from patrons for an adults-only area to justify designating part of the lounge solely for adults. It's a business case, not a discrimination issue. Someone who has joined a gym specifically because it includes an area where adults can sit and relax without being disturbed by babies and children may well be inclined not to renew their subscription if the gym no longer meets their needs and babies are welcome everywhere.

YABU, OP, and a tad entitled to think BFing gives you access all areas.

Bellyscreen · 10/09/2018 13:05

I love the way the OP ignores most people and thanks the two people who have agreed with her. calling this discrimination against breastfeeding just makes it even harder for those who are actually discriminated against. I’ll add one more voice to the vast, vast majority - you weren’t being discriminated against. You don’t have right to sit just anywhere to feed your baby, regardless of how you’re feeding them.

Satsumaeater · 10/09/2018 13:08

On the fence here.

Adults only to me, means no kids. Babes in arms who are breastfeeding and making zero noise don't come into the category of kids to me. However, I suppose I would look askance if someone brought a 2 week old baby into an adults-only hotel, but it doesn't look like this was some sort of adults-only sanctuary.

Can't see the issue of breastfeeding in the car though. I eat in the car all the time!

holidaylady · 10/09/2018 13:08

In England and Wales a mother has the legal right to breastfeed her baby wherever she has the right to be.

AssignedNorthernAtBirth · 10/09/2018 13:10

No, she has the legal right to breastfeed her baby wherever she and the baby have the right to be.

WizzbangWallopWot · 10/09/2018 13:12

@holidaylady I believe it's illegal to ask someone to move because their breastfeeding but OP was asked to move because she had a child in the adult only area.

These are two different things.

LakieLady · 10/09/2018 13:15

people who cannot have children will often seek areas where children are not allowed.

As will people who are done with childrearing or just desperate for respite from children.

AssignedNorthernAtBirth · 10/09/2018 13:16

They are indeed. You can certainly be asked to move whilst breastfeeding, but only in the same way as someone who isn't breastfeeding could also be asked. The law doesn't give you any extra rights as a breastfeeder, it's simply aimed at ensuring you don't lose any and aren't treated any worse because of it. As it should be.

LostInShoebiz · 10/09/2018 13:21

it's INCREDIBLY creepy to walk up to a breastfeeding woman and telling her to move

In what fucking world is it creepy to approach a woman sitting with her spouse and, as per the OP’s description, ask them to move in a pretty much polite fashion?

Or are we not now allowed to even approach these untouchable goddesses who deign to feed in our presence?

SlimmingMumOf1 · 10/09/2018 13:21

Got nothing to do with feeding your child. It says adult only.. simple as that! Please stop making a big deal out of it. Are you going to go running to Daily Mail now?

rainbowsandsmiles · 10/09/2018 13:24

Jeez, there's a handful of extremely entitled, precious me me meees on this thread.
Thankfully the majority aren't which gives me hope!

No, she has the legal right to breastfeed her baby wherever she and the baby have the right to be.
Exactly this! She didn't have the right to be there. So of course she'll be asked to move,it's nothing to do with being against bfing.

But this room is not a child free sanctuary? OP has said it’s a section of a large room with a sign saying adults only.
It's ADULT ONLY. What part of that would you struggle with?

Maybe OP and likeminds do it just for the chance to kick off and be like "waah, I'm bfing, you can't DO this to me!" hoping that everybody will be too uncomfortable to say anything to them.
Yeah, don't park your ass in an adults only area and then come over all precious when you're asked to move to the area that they DO provide for children.

bluemoonchances · 10/09/2018 13:25

@LakieLady I agree... all would be within their right to be annoyed and ask her to go to an area that wasn't adult only.

MidnightAura · 10/09/2018 13:50

In England and Wales a mother has the legal right to breastfeed her baby wherever she has the right to be.

So a woman can turn up to a night club with her baby and get in and breastfeed because she has the right to be there, that means the baby does too?

I think not.