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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Asked to leave Gym cafe lounge for breastfeeding ?!

560 replies

Arewereallyhere · 09/09/2018 22:16

I was at the gyms lounge / cafe as we’d been for a family swim. Big mainstream private gym. DH was with me.

Baby needed a feed but there were lots of people on all the sofas, which are next to main entrance, so I went to a back bit where there were lots of empty sofas and only one lady sitting texting.
I fed baby with my back to the wall, under a blanket thing and DH was opposite me. Baby was super quiet. No crying , no squeaking, nothing.

A weird man came up to us and asked us to leave as there was an ‘adults only sign’. DH said no as the baby was being quiet and surely sign didn’t apply. Man insisted so DH told him to get staff to settle the matter. Man came back with a bloke who worked there and the staffer apologised but said we had to leave as it was adults only. I said it was ridiculous and clearly because I was breastfeeding. I pointed out that the baby was literally silent. The staffer said he appreciated I probably had wanted privacy but I couldn’t sit there.

The other seating area was a)full of people and I would have had to share a sofa to feed my baby and b) next to main entrance so in full view and I feel a bit self conscious there.

The ‘adults only’ area is right at the back so very quiet and discreet.

We left .

AIBU or are they?

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 10/09/2018 11:11

There was no particular reason she couldn't have remained in the adult area

Apart from having a child with her, obviously.

SoupDragon · 10/09/2018 11:13

OP felt uncomfortable with the available options.

I was uncomfortable with any option that didn’t involve a huge squishy sofa, on tap coffee (decaf, naturally) and Keanu Reeves fanning me with a palm leaf.

MidnightAura · 10/09/2018 11:14

This isn’t a breastfeeding issue, I remember a thread on here ages ago about a woman that wanted to breastfeed her child at an adult only spa- she wasn’t allowed because not everywhere allows children. Simple fact of life. Had you been bottle feeding OP you would have been asked to move too.

SoupDragon · 10/09/2018 11:14

It's exactly what Maternity Alliance is for.

Does women being asked to take their child out of an adult’s only area come under their remit then?

AssignedNorthernAtBirth · 10/09/2018 11:15

If you think this is a grey area, you don't understand the law. You also can't be that familiar with the work of Maternity Action if you don't know their name.

MNsplaining · 10/09/2018 11:15

BF rates and general social acceptability in this country is woefully low and Maternity Alliance exists in part to address this.

I don't think it would do MA much good to take this on as a 'case'.

You can BF over here...
Well I don't want to, I want to BF here in the one place I shouldn't.
Oh...

dinosaurkisses · 10/09/2018 11:22

This is such a non-issue that it’s insulting to women who have actually been discriminated against for breastfeeding.

Pittcuecothecookbook · 10/09/2018 11:25

Yabu

dueanotherchange · 10/09/2018 11:25

You were definitely being extremely unreasonable. And the law doesn’t say anywhere that they can’t make you move. And they didn’t ask you to stop breastfeeding, they just asked you to move from the adults only area that you shouldn’t have been in with a baby.

Honestly, the law is there for protection and is a serious thing. It’s not to protect people being precious. Which is what you are- and drew MORE attention to yourself by doing this. So what if you’d bumped elbows with someone!!

Hayles88 · 10/09/2018 11:32

OP YABU

On a side note; do all DL clubs have adult only areas? I may join if so! Hate other peoples offspring.

NicoAndTheNiners · 10/09/2018 11:39

Every DL I've been in has an adult only area. My local one is a proper separate room. I have lunch in there every Sat and Sunday and it's peaceful bliss.

RoomOfRequirement · 10/09/2018 11:41

Not only are you BU, you sound like you need to grow up. It had NOTHING at all to do with breastfeeding; that is painfully obvious. Why do you think the rules don't apply to you?

ChipsNotDaddy · 10/09/2018 11:42

You seem to have posted on the wrong Thread. You need to take yourself to www.mumsnet.com/talk/I_am_not_being_unreasonable_am_i?_please_agree

YABVU purely because you are making out that they were against you breastfeeding.

It was adult only, did you have any other children with you?

MrsTennyson · 10/09/2018 11:54

So many pedants on this thread who sound like they blindly follow rules and can’t compute a deviation of protocol even if it makes sense for a woman to sit down for 10 mins quietly feeding a baby.

It’s hardly as though OP had set up camp in the adults only section of the room with 20 toddlers. A very young baby breastfeeding is hardly disruptive, they could have waited until she’d finished feeding then politely moved her on. OP is being no more entitled than the guy who tattled on her for “breaking the rules”.

chillpizza · 10/09/2018 11:58

Adults only is adults only. Baby is presumably under 18 so not an adult so not allowed. Don’t like the rules go else where simple.

Nikephorus · 10/09/2018 12:01

There was no particular reason she couldn't have remained in the adult area.
You're absolutely right, she could have remained there. But her child would have still had to leave on account of not being an adult!
It's situations like this that result in breastfeeding women being discriminated against because everyone is so pissed off with those that demand more rights than everyone else that they assume that the woman wanting to quietly breastfeed in a corner, with zero fuss and in a way that no-one knows she's feeding, is actually one of the self-absorbed brigade.
If you want to breastfeed then do it in one of the many areas provided. Don't try and commandeer one of the very few areas expressly disallowed just because the sofas are comfier and because you can put your feet up.

catlady3 · 10/09/2018 12:01

People arguing a mother should have to either breastfeed in a crowded area, a changing room, a car... So a man wouldn't be uncomfortable. She should feed where she is "allowed to". So we need permission to feed our children? This is all very enlightened lol. OP, fwiw I don't think you're being unreasonable, it's very very odd to ask someone to move while IN THE PROCESS OF feeding a child. If they really felt they needed to make you move, that could have been done when you were finished, it's INCREDIBLY creepy to walk up to a breastfeeding woman and telling her to move, such a violation of private space. And yes, I do think breastfeeding women take priority over a rando man experiencing mild discomfort. People saying "but rules are rules" need to take a long hard look at themselves - just because something is a "rule" doesn't necessarily make it right or fair, and this blind sticking to arbitrary rules is what makes for a very very unpleasant, suffocating environment. But, suit yourselves, I guess.

Nikephorus · 10/09/2018 12:02

even if it makes sense for a woman to sit down for 10 mins quietly feeding a baby
As she could have done anywhere else in the vicinity you mean?

Silentnighttwo · 10/09/2018 12:04

Sorry, YABU.

MrsTennyson · 10/09/2018 12:08

Nike OP said the other part of the room was much busier and it doesn’t sound like there was another more appropriate space. Everyone feels differently about feeding in public and sometimes you need a bit of elbow room. It just doesn’t make sense for the OP to squash in with everyone else rather than tucking herself off in a quieter part of the room. She wasn’t being disruptive and there was still plenty of space for others. Had the baby started crying it would have been reasonable for her to move.

Gettingbackonmyfeet · 10/09/2018 12:08

The problem here is that you had a child in an adults only area, I understand you didn't like your other options but this is not the same thing as being asked to feed in a toilet etc (which for the record I don't think is acceptable)

This sort of outrage leads to further problems where people feel mother's are entitled and feel that having children gives them special privilege. This is only the case where safety and appropriate feeding applies. This was absolutely not the case here

The rules were Adults only, not Adults only unless you think it doesn't really apply to you and you know better

We wonder why people are unsympathetic to parents real needs because some bugger always tries to make a political statement out of their own entitlement Hmm

bluemoonchances · 10/09/2018 12:10

The issue being @catlady3 is that she shouldn't have sat there in the first place. That is the issue here. And the fact that she chose to sit where she shouldn't make her come across as being selfish and entitled. The man had every right to ask her to move. You don't know the mans reasons. He doesn't have to explain. Maybe he has lost a child, been through infertility, or just doesn't like being around babies. He was sat there because it was an adult only area ... he didn't want to be in an area with children/babies. The world doesn't revolve around breastfeeding mums, especially when there were other places she could have done it.

Liquoricelake · 10/09/2018 12:13

Why is it incredibly creepy to ask the OP to move? It's not as though he asked her to pop the baby off so that he could latch on instead.

MrsTennyson · 10/09/2018 12:15

The arguments about the man being upset about fertility are completely ridiculous. This isn’t a private sealed off room, it’s a section of a larger room where presumably you can see or hear children sitting in the other section.

I am currently struggling to conceive after my second child was stillborn. Babies are a reality of life and unless you lock yourself away you have to expect you will be exposed to them at some point.

dueanotherchange · 10/09/2018 12:20

This is such a non-issue that it’s insulting to women who have actually been discriminated against for breastfeeding.

^^this