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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Asked to leave Gym cafe lounge for breastfeeding ?!

560 replies

Arewereallyhere · 09/09/2018 22:16

I was at the gyms lounge / cafe as we’d been for a family swim. Big mainstream private gym. DH was with me.

Baby needed a feed but there were lots of people on all the sofas, which are next to main entrance, so I went to a back bit where there were lots of empty sofas and only one lady sitting texting.
I fed baby with my back to the wall, under a blanket thing and DH was opposite me. Baby was super quiet. No crying , no squeaking, nothing.

A weird man came up to us and asked us to leave as there was an ‘adults only sign’. DH said no as the baby was being quiet and surely sign didn’t apply. Man insisted so DH told him to get staff to settle the matter. Man came back with a bloke who worked there and the staffer apologised but said we had to leave as it was adults only. I said it was ridiculous and clearly because I was breastfeeding. I pointed out that the baby was literally silent. The staffer said he appreciated I probably had wanted privacy but I couldn’t sit there.

The other seating area was a)full of people and I would have had to share a sofa to feed my baby and b) next to main entrance so in full view and I feel a bit self conscious there.

The ‘adults only’ area is right at the back so very quiet and discreet.

We left .

AIBU or are they?

OP posts:
Mrsharper88 · 10/09/2018 09:41

What's the point of posting in AIBU if you aren't going to listen to 95% of the replies because they disagree with you?

The OP is odd, this has nothing to do with bfing. Get your baby out of an adults only area.

MarthasGinYard · 10/09/2018 09:42

Has it been established why man was 'weird'

Lookingforadvice123 · 10/09/2018 09:43

Agree, YWBU. Breastfeeding is red herring, it's because you had a baby and it was adults only. Same would've happened if you'd been feeding him from a bottle or solids I'm sure. He might've been quiet at that second but could've started squawking any minute.

It's annoying that the other areas were full. If I'd have been there without a child and saw you were clearly looking for a seat, I would've moved for you.

brookshelley · 10/09/2018 09:44

YWBU to go to the adults only area to feed in the first place.

However given you were there already and mid-feed, YWNBU to expect staff to have enough common sense to let you finish and then explain to you afterwards not to do it again.

You should take this opportunity also to speak to management about creating a place that's comfortable and discreet for BF mothers to sit in future.

TheFairyCaravan · 10/09/2018 09:45

We’re going on holiday in a couple of weeks. There’s an adults only pool, an adults only restaurant and an adults only bar. I don’t honestly care how old the baby is or what they’re eating I don’t want to see any in there. I’ve done my bit with kids, I just want a little bit of peace and quiet nowadays.

TheCakeCrusader · 10/09/2018 09:49

‘Has it been established why man was 'weird'

No, the OP is cherry picking what she chooses to respond to ( posters that agree with her) and ignoring the majority. No clue as to why the man was being allegedly ‘weird’ inspite of this question being asked several times. My guess is that he wasn’t ‘weird’ at all, he’d simply pissed off the OP because he dared to state that it was an adult only area ( and not because the OP was bf).

MarthasGinYard · 10/09/2018 09:51

I see thanks Cake

BMW6 · 10/09/2018 09:56

OP not coming back. Bloody HATE when a poster asks AIBU, vast majority reply YABU but poster refuses to acknowledge. You asked the question!

ShatnersWig · 10/09/2018 10:07

@BMW6 They are too busy either being righteously indignant somewhere else or writing up the article for the Daily Fail.

TheCakeCrusader · 10/09/2018 10:15

Mumsnet should have a separate sub section called ‘I am being entitled,come on and agree with me ( no weird dissenters allowed )’ Grin

AIBU is generally much more interesting when the OP asks the question but is also willing to consider alternative perspectives or even shock, horror that they might actually have been unreasonable.

Posters can of course be perfectly reasonable in their query and this is then usually reflected in the responses.

Otherwise, sometimes it’s a split so again, it’s great when the OP takes on different sides of the coin and considers some alternative perspectives rather than automatically dismissing anyone that isn’t in agreement!

LaurieMarlow · 10/09/2018 10:15

To complain about a woman, sitting on a couch quietly feeding a baby (when the child friendly area was crowded) is a dickish thing to do. I'm sorry you experienced that OP.

As a rule, businesses should do what they can to facilitate breastfeeding. This gym didn't

I totally agree with this. It's all in how it's handled. I get that the member of staff was enforcing 'the rules', but I think he should have helped you find some suitable space in the child friendly area for you.

The message that the OP was given was 'fuck off and feed in your car'. That isn't acceptable.

SoupDragon · 10/09/2018 10:21

The message that the OP was given was 'fuck off and feed in your car'. That isn't acceptable.

Not by the staff member it wasn’t.

Deadbudgie · 10/09/2018 10:23

Of course you were being unreasonable. You took your child into an adults only area. There are many reasons to have a adults only area rather than just noise (although the reasons were irrelevant it was the rule set). You weren’t asked to leave because you were breastfeeding. Someone bottlefeeding would have been asked to leave too. Poor show trying to use the breast feeding card when it had no relevance

SoupDragon · 10/09/2018 10:24

At no point when I was breastfeeding my 3 babies did I assume rules did not apply to me.

ferrier · 10/09/2018 10:36

OP - I'd get in touch with Maternity Action. It may be something on their campaign agenda which you could help them with.
www.maternityaction.org.uk/advice-2/mums-dads-scenarios/6-breastfeeding-rights/breastfeeding-in-public-places/

TheLandsWhereTheJumbliesLive · 10/09/2018 10:40

YABU

You could have breastfed in the areas that weren't adult only, so this isn't about public breastfeeding.

Thecrabbypatty · 10/09/2018 10:42

Oh give over ferrier. What would be your case? I went to a place that provides a breastfeeding area but didn't want to use it? Is there anywhere else OP would prefer to breastfeed so should have the right to go to? Adults only section, managers office, men's toilet, staffroom? What a joke.

AssignedNorthernAtBirth · 10/09/2018 10:44

I was all ready to come blazing on and say how outrageous this is but nope, OP is full of shit. She was asked to leave for having a baby there. It's perfectly reasonable for a privately run place to have an adults only area and thus you don't get to take a baby there. It's adult only, not adult only except if you think your kid is being really quiet and won't disturb anyone. This is Cedar Falls all over again.

Also OP just so you're clear, it's illegal to ask a breastfeeding woman to move for breastfeeding. It's not illegal to ask her to move per se, provided the reason isn't related to the feeding. As it wasn't here.

A breastfeeding woman can be asked to leave because she's trespassing, because it's a male only event, because it's over 21s and the baby and possibly her aren't over 21s, because she's on public transport without the right ticket, because the seats are for people who have ordered food and she hasn't, because the venue is being evacuated... dozens of reasons. The law is not on your side and nor should it be.

LyndorCake · 10/09/2018 10:44

Laurie it was an adults only area. The baby is not an adult. There are many, many reasons outlined on this thread why adult only spaces are important for some people including those who are suffering from fertility issues. They have chosen a safe space, away from families to relax after a work out. Fair enough it isn't boxed in, but it's a safe space for them. Someone deciding that their needs are greater is incredibly selfish. She had many other options available to her, but she chose to ignore the rules and be selfish.

She could have:
• gone in the family area and asked someone for a seat so she could feed her baby
• sat on the floor
• Stood in the corner
• sat in her car
• approached the staff and ask for their help
• gone in a changing room
Or a number of other options.

AssignedNorthernAtBirth · 10/09/2018 10:51

There's also really no reason for a private business such as David Lloyd etc to do anything to facilitate breastfeeding. By all means offer eg reserved seats for people feeding babies, feeding rooms, expressing facilities or whatever if patrons want this. Could be a selling point even. But it's a business. There is no innate reason for them to give any thought to the facilitation of breastfeeding, beyond of course meeting legal obligations such as ensuring women are able to feed in areas where children are permitted and providing pumping time for eligible staff.

dinosaurkisses · 10/09/2018 10:52

Hmm at referring the OP on to Maternity Action.

Great idea to waste limited charity funding on the this huge injustice.

Nikephorus · 10/09/2018 10:52

As a rule, businesses should do what they can to facilitate breastfeeding. This gym didn't
Hang on a second! They sound like they've provided plenty of other places, it's just this one place that they've provided only for adults. No-one has told OP to go sit in her car at all, just to take the non-adult out of the adults-only section.
Have you practised your hard-done-by-ever-so-entitled face for the Daily Mail OP? It's obvious that's what you're looking for Hmm

ferrier · 10/09/2018 11:05

Lol. It's exactly what Maternity Alliance is for. I'd describe this particular case as a grey area. OP felt uncomfortable with the available options. There was no particular reason she couldn't have remained in the adult area. Bf rates and general social acceptability in this country is woefully low and Maternity Alliance exists in part to address this.

Thecrabbypatty · 10/09/2018 11:08

Uncomfortable with the available options? Options like the family area specifically designated for families and breastfeeding women? Hmm

Sugarhunnyicedtea · 10/09/2018 11:10

How is this a grey area? It was an adult only area in a private members club. The baby is, by definition, not an adult. Ridiculous!

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