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AIBU?

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Original poster

Asked to leave Gym cafe lounge for breastfeeding ?!

560 replies

Arewereallyhere · 09/09/2018 22:16

I was at the gyms lounge / cafe as we’d been for a family swim. Big mainstream private gym. DH was with me.

Baby needed a feed but there were lots of people on all the sofas, which are next to main entrance, so I went to a back bit where there were lots of empty sofas and only one lady sitting texting.
I fed baby with my back to the wall, under a blanket thing and DH was opposite me. Baby was super quiet. No crying , no squeaking, nothing.

A weird man came up to us and asked us to leave as there was an ‘adults only sign’. DH said no as the baby was being quiet and surely sign didn’t apply. Man insisted so DH told him to get staff to settle the matter. Man came back with a bloke who worked there and the staffer apologised but said we had to leave as it was adults only. I said it was ridiculous and clearly because I was breastfeeding. I pointed out that the baby was literally silent. The staffer said he appreciated I probably had wanted privacy but I couldn’t sit there.

The other seating area was a)full of people and I would have had to share a sofa to feed my baby and b) next to main entrance so in full view and I feel a bit self conscious there.

The ‘adults only’ area is right at the back so very quiet and discreet.

We left .

AIBU or are they?

OP posts:
AllTheUserNamesAreTaken · 10/09/2018 08:44

scientistic everyone could use that excuse - the just started weaning six month old is having some food so they need somewhere to sit; they had a sleeping 18 month old so needed somewhere to sit; the still breastfeeding 2 year old wanted a feed so they needed somewhere to sit. Before you know it the adults only area is full of kids

The op had somewhere to sit, she just didn’t fancy sitting there and thought that because she was lactating the rules didn’t apply to her

TeenTimesTwo · 10/09/2018 08:45

My quiet teenager isn't allowed to sit and read in the adults only bit of our David Lloyd.
I think the person who complained was being a bit ott but the gym not unreasonable to maintain its adult only space as adult only.

Pamdoo · 10/09/2018 08:45

By having this ruling, the gym are being bf unfriendly. No mother wants to feed their baby banging elbows with other people

So if I was bottle feeding my baby in the same seat I wouldn't have been asked to move? It's not about being bf friendly

troodiedoo · 10/09/2018 08:46

@speakout casino is legally age restricted. a nightclub would be dangerous for a baby due to noise. my local tattoo studio allows well behaved kids in so sure a feeding baby would be fine.
not sure about the court though.

the sign in the gym was not a legally binding one.

SuperCargo · 10/09/2018 08:46

But she didn’t want to bf in her car; she demanded her right to do it wherever the fuck she wanted which in this instance was an ‘adults only’ area

CiderBrains · 10/09/2018 08:47

Fer they do facilitate bf, it's called the non adult area which is for families. You can't use the excuse it was busy!

Adult only areas are just that: adults only.

Otherwise where do draw the line?

Bumdishcloths · 10/09/2018 08:51

At the end of the day, breastfeeding doesn't give you a free pass. The number of people who demand special treatment is unreal. People have been breastfeeding for centuries, just GET ON WITH IT and STOP BLOODY MOANING.

"I should be allowed to breastfeed IN a swimming pool"

"I should be allowed to breastfeed in an adults only area"

"I should be allowed to breastfeed walking down a fashion catwalk"

"I should be allowed to breastfeed in a toxic waste dump" (obviously I jest there but the sentiment remains the same!)

ODFO!!

BitOutOfPractice · 10/09/2018 08:53

OP what was “weird” about the man?

ShatnersWig · 10/09/2018 08:56

So, OP, is this your first time posting here or have you name changed?

If you name changed, then you must have known what response you were going to get.

If this is your first time posting here, you managed to pick something incredibly incendiary. Unless of course you're another Daily Fail journo doing the usual thread-starting to get some rubbish for your den of iniquity called a newspaper.

ForalltheSaints · 10/09/2018 08:56

My suspicion is the man who objected would have said nothing had there been no breastfeeding. Seems petty to me, even if adults only should mean just that. It puts the staff of the gym in a no-win situation.

Sparklingbrook · 10/09/2018 08:57

There's a David Lloyd not far from me. I feel like joining now, not to go to the gym/pool just so that I can go and sit in an Adults Only area. Grin

ShadowHuntress · 10/09/2018 09:00

Agree with most of the comments and my synical mind is thinking we’ll be seeing a pic of the op holding said baby (looking totally miserable) in the Daily Mail! This is just the kind of story they love. It’s such a non issue

SoupDragon · 10/09/2018 09:05

what was “weird” about the man?

He was a man.

I suspect he would not have been called weird had he been female.

Pamdoo · 10/09/2018 09:09

*"I should be allowed to breastfeed IN a swimming pool"

"I should be allowed to breastfeed in an adults only area"

"I should be allowed to breastfeed walking down a fashion catwalk"

"I should be allowed to breastfeed in a toxic waste dump" (obviously I jest there but the sentiment remains the same!)*

These are also the people complaining that people are staring at them. If I was bottle feeding in any of these bizarre places I'd get some looks as well, as people would be thinking why the bloody hell are you feeding a baby walking down the cereal isle in Tesco, sit down fgs.

RebeccaBunchLawyer · 10/09/2018 09:10

Really want to know where this adults only cafe is, please!

BitOutOfPractice · 10/09/2018 09:11

Sparklingbrook I’m a member at virgin active and we have an adults only part of the changing room which I always use.

MissusGeneHunt · 10/09/2018 09:13

This thread is not about breastfeeding. Simply about a child in a non-child place. So I'm afraid OP, YABU.

This bleating about not being allowed in an adult only area with a child (whatever they were doing) doesn't help those mothers bf-ing in general.

Write to your gym OP and ask for a specific bf place if that assists you, but don't expect be allowed to take a child into a non-child area.

StormTreader · 10/09/2018 09:19

So, say they'd let you stay there - when should they be able to ask you to move? The millisecond the child stops feeding? What about if it makes the smallest squeak - its no longer silent, is that the time they can ask you to move? If your baby falls asleep after or during feeding and you don't want to move and wake it up, can they ask you to move THEN?
If another mother wants to feed but her child is screaming, then what? They cant really tell her no once they've let you feed there.

Suddenly the quiet, less crowded "adults area" is full of crying babies and chattering mummies, and they start losing members and getting complaints from everyone who has lost their one area.

Bobbybear10 · 10/09/2018 09:34

You are so ridiculously entitled!

The ‘weird’ man’s wife may have just suffered a miscarriage or still birth and he wanted to sit away from children, especially babies in the adult only section of his gym.

You have no idea what other people are living through, but if you weren’t so entitled then you might be able to see outside of your bubble.

The adult only section is just that!

You didn’t need to use the adult only space to feed your child. You had lots of other options but decided the rules don’t apply to you because you are breastfeeding.

You may think your right to breastfeed over rides everything else but honestly it’s just not that important to other people and tbh that’s just the way it should be. If we want breastfeeding to be normalised then we need to make it normal, so stop trying to make breastfeeding a privileged behaviour where you can do what you want when you want with no regard to the rules everyone else has to stick to.

Follow the rules, feed your child however you want but stop expecting special treatment from everyone.

PavlovaFaith · 10/09/2018 09:35

Another one drawing unnecessary attention to BFing mothers. You are not immune from rules because you're breastfeeding. The BFing had nothing to do with your removal from the area.

Eliza9917 · 10/09/2018 09:36

@catlady3 Mon 10-Sep-18 00:13:52
Wow, such excellent rule followers here, why bother questioning if the rule makes sense or if enforcement is just, rules are rules not matter the harm it seems... Just wow.

Its a gym that people choose to join. If they don't like the rules, they can always, you know, join somewhere else that has rules that suit them.

MarthasGinYard · 10/09/2018 09:36

Yabu

'Adult area'

Clue is in the Sign

First post or GF

MarthasGinYard · 10/09/2018 09:37

I suppose you'll be trying the pool to BF next....

speakout · 10/09/2018 09:39

Breastfeeding in a swimming pool is allowed in Scotland.

Honflyr · 10/09/2018 09:40

YANBU. The baby was silent and you were clearly only sitting there in an attempt to discreetly feed your baby. I'm sure you'd have moved after. No big deal but the weird man of course had to make it an issue. Typical.