To be absolutely fuming

[lollythelurker]

Just been to a close friends wedding with BF and DD. BF didn't really know anyone so spent quite a bit of time playing with DD on the lawn which he was fine with as DD loves him to bits and they have a great time playing. He asked me why I was being 'off' with him which I didn't think I was. He then, got annoyed, shouted at me in front of everyone and stormed off and went home. I've just got back (an hours drive) and he isn't here, so I'm assuming he's gone out to watch the football with his mates.

Isn't this he most selfish thing in the world? He wedding was of a friend of mine, not his and was completely ruined because I had to spend the afternoon keeping a toddler occupied. I had to leave half way through the speeches as she was exhausted and squealing. This has been a close friendship for 10 years. I'll never get it back.

I'm aware she is my child too, but I rarely get a chance to socialise with my friends so this was supposed to be a relaxing day for me to catch up with some people.

So he went as childcare? You’re whining about having to occupy your own child, but were happy to ditch it on him?

Aye, I’d have left too.

Have you found out why he thought you were being 'off'?

Because presumably he had a reason, unless he has form for random accusations. And although he might have been happy enough playing with DD, perhaps he wanted to participate as a guest and your partner, not just a nanny.

Maybe you should have left toddler at home. What was your agreement ? If you ignored him and her in favour of your friends he may have a point, although not very mature to make a scene.

If you go to a wedding with your partner and your partner doesn’t know many people, then you look after them and make sure they are comfortable and introduce them to people.

To be fair if your friend is half decent she'll understand you had to watch your DD. If she's pissy about it then she's not a good friend.

Yes he was being quite rude especially as he was at a social occasion but he may have felt annoyed that he had to watch your daughter the whole time.

When I drag my partner along to places he knows no one I spend the day sat predominantly with him. Otherwise why not leave him and DD at home?

He must have felt really awkward just playing with DD whilst you swanned off socialising.

He probably assumed you’d be there as a family

Just to be clear, I didn't ignore him and I didn't take him as childcare! I spent just as much time with her but He said to me ' you enjoy catching up with some friends and I'll look after DD' I don't get to go out very often and he has much more time and opportunity to go out for drinks and to watch the football with his friends. We didn't have anyone we could leave her with today which was a shame as it would have been nice to go and spend the day together.

"I had to look after 'the toddler' "

Well you are here mother. Also who refers to their child as 'the toddler'. Sounds a bit detached to me.

So why was he so pissed off that he took off and went home? It makes no sense

Christ, Mumsnet really is a place to attack each other isn't it no wonder everyone is so depressed with this sort of ' support' from other women.

Don't mind me while I 'swan off' and leave a man to look after his own child.

I think that he probably felt a bit out of it as he may have not known anyone. He can't be expected just to play with your child all day. Sounds like he was tired from looking after her all day. You should have shared the childcare or got a babysitter and sat with your partner and made him feel comfortable.

YANBU

When we go out and it’s predominently my friends, DH takes care of the kids, or, you know, goes to bed early so I can nurse a hang over while he looks after them in the morning. That is normal behaviour. Of course you’re not all about him and a toddler at your mates wedding!! You’re busy having a laugh.

He’s being totally U and I would be super upset

We had been there an hour at most, I don't mean to be rude but everyone seems awfully judgemental here. I'm not detached from my DD because I called her a toddler. That is what she is, what else shall I call her on here?! Yes he may have felt a bit awkward because he didn't know many people but I didn't exclude him and the people he did know were chatting away fine.

So why was he so pissed off that he took off and went home? It makes no sense

Maybe he's a petulant arse who doesn't cope well with not being the centre of attention and got pissed off because she was enjoying herself too much.

Does he have form for saying nice things but not following them through and always expecting his needs to be the priority?

Thank you Camel, I'm really pleased at least one person thinks I'm not a complete moron

BF didn't really know anyone so spent quite a bit of time playing with DD on the lawn which he was fine with as DD loves him to bits and they have a great time playing.
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Here you made it sound as if he isn't your daughter's father, and calling him "bf" makes it sound like a relatively new relationship (to me). I'm confused.

Goldmandra he doesn't really, normally he does as said. It's just really upset me as I don't get many chances to catch up with friends and he actually told me to relax and not worry about DD

Sorry meant to ad that if other people interpreted it like this than it may explain some of the reactions.

He is daughter father, I'm not very good with he Mumsnet lingo

Wow I'm surprised at the responses. Id have imagined this would be an unspoken, common sense agreement that if its OPs close friends wedding then the partner does majority childcare. And if it was her partners close friends wedding then she would be the childcare. That just makes sense. I think he calculated the argument so he could leave and watch the footy. What a twat. I wish you never left the wedding OP.

I initially read it as your dd, but bf was not her df.

He seems a bit more unreasonable now I realise it is his child and you wanted just one day when you weren’t ‘default parent’.

You didn't display enough fawning gratitude for his immense self-sacrifice in looking after his own DD for a bit while you did the socialising.
I bet he expects a medal, a sticker and a blowjob every time he does the washing up, as well.

Do you think he was jealous or something?

@Awwlookatmybabyspider

If you're going to pull the OP up on ridiculous shite you should probably read what she's written properly. She referred to her child as 'a toddler'. Because her child is a toddler.