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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be absolutely fuming

132 replies

lollythelurker · 08/09/2018 19:46

Just been to a close friends wedding with BF and DD. BF didn't really know anyone so spent quite a bit of time playing with DD on the lawn which he was fine with as DD loves him to bits and they have a great time playing. He asked me why I was being 'off' with him which I didn't think I was. He then, got annoyed, shouted at me in front of everyone and stormed off and went home. I've just got back (an hours drive) and he isn't here, so I'm assuming he's gone out to watch the football with his mates.

Isn't this he most selfish thing in the world? He wedding was of a friend of mine, not his and was completely ruined because I had to spend the afternoon keeping a toddler occupied. I had to leave half way through the speeches as she was exhausted and squealing. This has been a close friendship for 10 years. I'll never get it back.

I'm aware she is my child too, but I rarely get a chance to socialise with my friends so this was supposed to be a relaxing day for me to catch up with some people.

OP posts:

GreenMeerkat · 08/09/2018 20:47

Also agree with PP to the poster who said 'so he went as babysitter'

No.... he is the child's father.

YANBU OP he was totally out of order to shout at you and storm off but perhaps you may have left the childcare to him a bit too much and that's why he got angry. No excuse for his behaviour though.

Marie0 · 08/09/2018 20:48

I'm afraid I think YABU. I also think your bf has behaved quite badly, he should not have behaved the way he did and had an outburst, but I am not at all surprised he did.

He clearly felt completely like a spare part and maybe there was a lack of understanding to what degree he would feel left out or have to be the primary carer for your DD?

I remember going to DH's work do's where I knew no-one and they were all talking shop and socialising, but he involved me in the conversation where he could and if he left me to go off and chat he would frequently make eye contact / come over and check I was 'ok'.

I think it is worse your DD was thrown into the mix as I wold have thought you would have enjoyed including 'showing off' your DD to your friends? There's no way I would do this to my DH, definitely should have left them both at home.

MistressDeeCee · 08/09/2018 20:48

I don't care what the situation is, I would never accept the humiliation of being shouted at in front of everybody. Likewise I would never shout at my OH publicly.

There are ways and means of sorting things out without behaving in a rough disrespectful manner and showing you up like that. Opening his big brawling mouth in someone's wedding event. Grim.

I'd guess he thought you were ignoring him. But you've no chance to soothe him on that one as he's gone out I presume to get over the immense stress of looking after his DD for hours whilst you had the audacity to socialise.

I was at a funeral wake recently with OH and DCs. He knew mostly everybody. I didn't. I didn't require him to be welded by my side, I just chilled with DCs. I'm not threatened by him socialising.

YippeeKayakOtherBuckets · 08/09/2018 20:51

He’s a stroppy dickhead who wanted an excuse to fuck off out.

Yanbu. It’s standard that the parent who is friends with the host gets to have a bit of time off.

I bet he has a flourishing social life, am I right? And you don’t. He’s a shitbag.

mikado1 · 08/09/2018 20:55

Yes I also thought not her dad and I imagine that's given a different impression.

CrossFlannelCherry · 08/09/2018 20:59

This thread is so strange, it's like a shark feeding frenzy. I mention I introduce myself to other guests at functions and children are great ice breakers, and I get snide comments. I don't blame you for leaving this thread OP.

AnnieAnoniMoose · 08/09/2018 21:01

Frankly, I think it’s all irrelevant, except the fact that he shouted at you and made a scene in front of your friends at your friend’s WEDDING.. It’s not like he just found out you’re having an affair etc where you could maybe understand an explosion, a bit, though I still like to think most adults have enough of a grip of themselves not to make a scene at someone else’s WEDDING.

I think I’d send him a text to say ‘Whoever you’d rather be spending the evening with, stay with them, because if you come home will we have the mother of all rows after you showed me up today so you could leave to watch the football’

ninemillionbicycles · 08/09/2018 21:07

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ReanimatedSGB · 08/09/2018 21:16

Has he ever been happy to put you first, OP? It sounds like he is willing to do the 'good dad' bit as long as it doesn't actually interfere with anything he wants to do.

Prestonsflowers · 08/09/2018 21:19

Quite a few judgey hoiky pant pearl clutching lot on here tonight.
OP I’ve noticed in AIBU that the first few posters set the tone, then all the others pile on.
I do agree that your phrasing in your op wasn’t clear, however I think he was definitely BU.
He’s not a babysitter, he is the child’s father.
And he should never have shouted at you in front of others.
He sounds like a complete knob, and he wanted to watch the football

AnElderlyLadyOfMediumHeight · 08/09/2018 21:21

He's behaved badly.

But (assuming I read your OP right) do you really think your friendship is over because you were looking after your toddler at her wedding?

deepsea · 08/09/2018 21:23

So he is your dd fsther ( I thought he was a passing boyfriend by the way you described him) yes he is absolutely U. It was his child so hardly difficult to play with her.

You sound distant when you speak of him. I think you have a much bigger back story.
He embarrassed you, he ruined your day and yes I would be livid

Bluntness100 · 08/09/2018 21:23

Oh fuck off bluntness

Isn't it sad that when you have to resort to personal abuse you lose all credibility?

Sad times for you.

Notgoodatchoosingnames · 08/09/2018 21:27

Not sure why people are having a go.
Unless there's something you haven't said he was being entirely unreasonable. It was your friends wedding. he would have known that he'd know less people and I am sure if it was the other way around you'd be the primary child carer And he wouldn't give it a second thought.
This is why my OH doesn't come with me to my friends weddings. He doesn't mix well with my friends and would create an atmosphere for me worrying about him.
You need to ask him what exactly his problem was
Xx

FermatsTheorem · 08/09/2018 21:28

I think you're catastrophising at the idea that having to go home early because of a tantruming toddler is the end of your friendship.

I went to a whole slew of weddings when DS was a toddler. It was normal to have to leave early because of having a toddler, and my friends all understood. (The most memorable one was the wedding where DS kicked off just as the bride entered - I had to carry him out up the side aisle as the bride walked down the nave!) All my friends are still talking to me. If your friends don't want to be friends because of this... well, they weren't much cop as friends.

Thatsfuckingshit · 08/09/2018 21:33

OP I get what you are saying. At my brothers wedding, as was 6 months. Now exh looked after him. A year later, now exdh's sister got married, I looked after him.

However your op heavily implied, he wasn't the child's father. You also seemed to whine that you had to look after her and then, over reacted by saying it's 3nded a 10 year friendship.

I think he acted like a dick. But I would like to hear his side of it. It could be that he wanted to watch football. It could also be that you were off with him.

Original poster

lollythelurker · 08/09/2018 21:35

I was a actually referring to the wedding not the friendship. I'm sat at home in my pjymas when I should be at my lovely friends wedding and he's in the pub with his friends

OP posts:

PieAndPumpkins · 08/09/2018 21:39

Did you drive separately? Was the plan for your BF to take your child home early?

Your post isn't very clear. I definitely read it as YOUR child, BF was watching her for you on the grass etc.

Regardless, your BF behaved immaturely and dramatically, and embarrassing. I'd be pretty cross with him for talking to you like that and failing to follow through with what was presumably an agreed plan?

Want2beme · 08/09/2018 21:42

BF offered to mind DD for a little while whilst you mingled and caught up with friends. Do you think he wasn't expecting to be left for an hour? It's an overreaction by him and flouncing off was really immature. Any idea why he'd do that? Sorry your day was spoilt

CripsSandwiches · 08/09/2018 21:44

Me and DH have an unspoken rule - if we're at an event where one of us is more involved than the other (e.g. my Cousin's wedding, his best friend's 40th birthday do) the less involved person is on DC watch so the other can catch up with people. Obviously they'd probably step in if help was needed but they don't have to be the one leaving half way through the speeches or chasing the DC round the lawn. If I felt at some point I needed a break I'd just say so to DH quietly., I'd never shout and storm off in the middle of an important event (out of respect for the hosts as well as DH).

TulipsInBloom1 · 08/09/2018 21:47

BF offered to mind DD for a little while how thoughtful of him to parent his own child for her.

Dollymixture22 · 08/09/2018 21:47

Dear god there are some bitchy posters out tonight!!

I would be raging and totally embarrassed if my other half didn’t have to maturity to cope with this situation. It sounds like he willingly took his child to play on the grass, then got bored and threw a strop. Went out with his mates to prove just how annoyed he was!!

He sounds like a child. How does he cope in other social situations?

The reactions on here are amazing. How dare the payer do some independent mingling without her other half -how could he possibly be expected to entertain himself and his daughter!!

KarmaStar · 08/09/2018 21:53

for you op.
I hope you and dp manage to sort this out and your friend is understanding.I'm sure she will be and appreciated you removing your dc during the speeches.

Sundance2741 · 08/09/2018 21:53

I think your post was a bit unclear but having now read the whole thread, I think your bf was extremely unreasonable and understand how you feel about missing out on your good friend's wedding. The shouting at you was bad enough but actually leaving you in the lurch there is appalling. If it was my DH (it wouldn't be, he'd never do such a thing) I'd be furious and seriously questioning his commitment to me and my child.

Sundance2741 · 08/09/2018 21:54

"Our child" I should have said.

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