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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be absolutely fuming

132 replies

lollythelurker · 08/09/2018 19:46

Just been to a close friends wedding with BF and DD. BF didn't really know anyone so spent quite a bit of time playing with DD on the lawn which he was fine with as DD loves him to bits and they have a great time playing. He asked me why I was being 'off' with him which I didn't think I was. He then, got annoyed, shouted at me in front of everyone and stormed off and went home. I've just got back (an hours drive) and he isn't here, so I'm assuming he's gone out to watch the football with his mates.

Isn't this he most selfish thing in the world? He wedding was of a friend of mine, not his and was completely ruined because I had to spend the afternoon keeping a toddler occupied. I had to leave half way through the speeches as she was exhausted and squealing. This has been a close friendship for 10 years. I'll never get it back.

I'm aware she is my child too, but I rarely get a chance to socialise with my friends so this was supposed to be a relaxing day for me to catch up with some people.

OP posts:
NerrSnerr · 08/09/2018 20:08

Having read the thread I agree that the OP sounds like it's a new relationship and he isn't your daughter's dad. You'd expect a toddler to love her dad to bits!

As he's her dad and your in a long term relationship he sounds like an arse.

I wouldn't expect a friend of 10 years to ditch you because of this. Text her tomorrow and explain.

HighwayDragon1 · 08/09/2018 20:09

Is your boyfriend your child's father?

Pumpkintopf · 08/09/2018 20:09

I'd be really annoyed with him op. Very selfish behaviour and he behaved appallingly shouting at you like that at a friend's wedding.

TheBeatGoesOnandOn · 08/09/2018 20:09

Sorry thought he was a short term boyfriend.

If he's DDs father then of course it makes sense for him to look after her.

Original poster
lollythelurker · 08/09/2018 20:09

Nothing to be jealous of really, I was just chatting away to the girls and some ex colleagues. I know, a bit monotonous for him, but I'd do the same for him. He's usually such a lovely person and I was just completely miffed by it. Maybe I'm over reacting, god knows

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 08/09/2018 20:10

It’s not that OP - it’s just the scant info and the phrasing made it sound like he’d been left alone all day with a toddler whilst you went around chatting and enjoying yourself.

It’s really easy to post and think the nuances of the situation come across but they don’t.

If you’d posted:

Today I went to a wedding of an old friend with BF and our toddler daughter. After the ceremony whilst waiting to go to the reception my BF took our daughter off to play - he said I should go socialise as he’s not close to people and I don’t get much time to see these people who are old friends. I went back after less than an hour and he asked why I was being ‘off’ - I wasn’t but when I said that he shouted st me in front of everyone, stormed off and left me alone with our daughter. AIBU to think he ruined my day on purpose?’

FWIW he sounds like he was picking a fight so he had an excuse to leave.

Original poster
lollythelurker · 08/09/2018 20:10

I agree, football was obviously quite tempting on this occasion. Should have known!

OP posts:
Original poster
lollythelurker · 08/09/2018 20:11

Got it Merryoldgoat, this is my first post but I completely get what you are saying

OP posts:
Dyrne · 08/09/2018 20:11

To be fair, in this situation why didn’t you just go to the wedding alone and let DP and DD do something fun for the day? If I bring DP to things where he knows no one I’ll make sure to include him and ‘babysit’ him a bit. If I just want to catch up with friends i’ll go alone.

Original poster
lollythelurker · 08/09/2018 20:12

@Logits thank you!

OP posts:
Awwlookatmybabyspider · 08/09/2018 20:13

I know the child is a toddler.
However surely you'd say my DD, little girl ect ect.
Plus it's not just me who has pulled op up.
I don't know why it's just me being singled out and told off like a naughty school girl.

LikeARedBalloon · 08/09/2018 20:13

My ExH behaved like this at a wedding....it was my friends wedding and ExH was not used to not being the centre of attention. He got very drunk, utterly embarrassed me and had to be taken home before the evening guests arrived. I left him 6 months later. Guess your BF also doesn't like not being the centre of the universe and having to watch you have a good time!

TulipsInBloom1 · 08/09/2018 20:13

He sounds awful.

If we go out to family or friend events, the one who is the least "connected" does the main bulk of childcare so the other can catch up with friends/hear the speeches etc.

If its someone we are both close to we put the kids with a babysitter.

Is he hands on usually? Does he ever have dd on his own?

Merryoldgoat · 08/09/2018 20:13

If it’s really out of character I’d start keeping an eye out for more of it. People rarely just act completely out of character for no reason.

Pinkyyy · 08/09/2018 20:14

In all honesty you didn't come across that well in your first few posts which is probably why people were saying what they were. To be honest he probably left because he wasn't enjoying himself and he didn't know anyone. I can't imagine I would have stayed if I were him but with that being said, that doesn't explain the storming off

LanguidLobster · 08/09/2018 20:14

It sounds like he felt uncomfortable and reacted badly.

Also sounds quite brief, so don't feel too embarrassed

PeaceRaven · 08/09/2018 20:15

“I had to spend the afternoon keeping a toddler occupied”

Yes, your child.... I can’t imagine why the mumsnet women are turning on you 😄

Original poster
lollythelurker · 08/09/2018 20:15

@TulipsInBloom1 he's a great dad, they spend weekends together when I am at work, also evenings if I am on a late. I really could never fault his parenting. DD is a real daddies girl

OP posts:
TulipsInBloom1 · 08/09/2018 20:17

peace presumably the op expected to only have to do half of it seeing as the childs father was also there.

Had she known it would be 100% her maybe she would have arranged a sitter.

Bluntness100 · 08/09/2018 20:17

He wedding was of a friend of mine, not his and was completely ruined because I had to spend the afternoon keeping a toddler occupied

Oh poor you. Who was the toddler. Why did you have to take partial responsibility,

Oh your child. Silly me.

Bluntness100 · 08/09/2018 20:19

this was supposed to be a relaxing day for me to catch up with some people

I guess he didn't get the memo.

Starlighter · 08/09/2018 20:20

No matter how he felt: left out, bored, jealous, whatever, he had no right making a scene, shouting at her in front of everyone and then storming out! Mortifying!

If he had issues, he should’ve pulled her to one side to discuss before letting it get out of control. Or discussed it after the wedding. Like a bloody grown up FFS.

I’d be fuming if my DH showed me up like that. I’d never do that to him.

Original poster
lollythelurker · 08/09/2018 20:20

I really thought women were supposed to stick together and make each other feel better rather than jumping down their throats at every opportunity . I'm clearly mistaken.

The toddler is my very much loved and cherished DD. I didn't realise I would be flamed for using the wrong terminology

OP posts:
NotTakenUsername · 08/09/2018 20:24

I really thought women were supposed to stick together and make each other feel better rather than jumping down their throats at every opportunity.

Why on earth would you think that?

Bluntness100 · 08/09/2018 20:24

Oh uou thought we'd back you up because we also have vaginas irrelevant of how unreasonable your op was?

Yeah.

You got that wrong.

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