To be absolutely fuming

[lollythelurker]

Just been to a close friends wedding with BF and DD. BF didn't really know anyone so spent quite a bit of time playing with DD on the lawn which he was fine with as DD loves him to bits and they have a great time playing. He asked me why I was being 'off' with him which I didn't think I was. He then, got annoyed, shouted at me in front of everyone and stormed off and went home. I've just got back (an hours drive) and he isn't here, so I'm assuming he's gone out to watch the football with his mates.

Isn't this he most selfish thing in the world? He wedding was of a friend of mine, not his and was completely ruined because I had to spend the afternoon keeping a toddler occupied. I had to leave half way through the speeches as she was exhausted and squealing. This has been a close friendship for 10 years. I'll never get it back.

I'm aware she is my child too, but I rarely get a chance to socialise with my friends so this was supposed to be a relaxing day for me to catch up with some people.

DH and I went to a wedding quite recently - it was a mutual friend getting married but someone we'd both met independently IYSWIM. We have a DD who's older than toddler age.
We split out spending time with her so that one of us could go and mingle with other guests, get a drink and so on whilst the other played games with her (photo booth, croquet on the lawn, etc). As we both knew different sets of people it worked out quite well until DD got tired and grouchy at around 9pm when we left. I hear the party went on into the small hours but I doubt either of us would have had the stamina to stay, even though it would have been nice.

So in context of that, I think your BF/DP is being unreasonable by storming off in a huff. You are both parents to DD and if he is happy to spend time with her generally then it shouldn't have been a problem. If you were not introducing him to people you were talking to who were standing right beside him then YWB a bit U. If he'd already said he was happy to spend his evening with DD then we're back to him BU. As long as he got a toilet break/fag break/food break at some point then I can't see he really has massive cause for complaint.

If the wedding was over an hours drive away, how did he get back if you drove him there?

He was a dick.

You went as an invited party of three. He was a poor guest, and stormed out of a wedding party. He left you and your/his daughter there to make your own way home. Then he went to the pub.

I can only see one unreasonable person here, and it’s not you op.

Yes how anyone can consider the OP as being unreasonable is beyond me

He played with his own child for an hour, he wasn't banished to the cellar. He then shouted at his partner in front of their child and other wedding guests and stormed off

Exactly. Rude and fucked up behaviour.

OP I hope you're not going to sit here all evening trying to justify yourself to those posters who think you deserved it and will love that you're distressed. Go and relax, watch a programme you like, whatever.

I understand why you didn't stay at the wedding, after being publicly humiliated. You've still got to deal with him coming back. Stand your ground if he argues. It's not a sin to socialise with friends, and he'd no need to be so grievous about it.

"this was supposed to be a relaxing day for me to catch up with some people"

Sounds as if it would have been better for you to go alone.

Can't believe he shouted at you in public-was it orchestrated so that he could piss off & leave you looking after your daughter for as long as he wanted to then be out?

How did he get home?

Thanks everyone. I'm pleased that most of you seem to agree with me. He's home now and has gone straight up to the spare room. I don't have the energy to fight about it tonight. I don't know how he got home to be honest, probably a taxi.

Ah the last few posts swung in your favour so youre a happy chap now eh?

If my dh took me to a wedding that i was ignored and relegated to the lawn with the dc id be fucking mighty pissed off with him too.

Twattish

Ah the last few posts swung in your favour so youre a happy chap now eh?

Apparantly so.

She's clearly missing the fact she could say she got drunk and shit on the wedding cake and some folks would shout it was her boyfriends fault. Didn't he know about your ibs, what a bastard, you did no wrong.

Op. Take some responsibility, he felt left out and put upon and you did wrong, he shouldn't have shouted and left. He did wrong. You both fucked up and should try to meet in the middle.

If he was unhappy he should have had a quiet word - not shouted and stormed off like the toddler he was looking after. I'd be embarrassed and furious in equal measures. He made sure he ruined the event for you. Utterly unacceptable.

Oh and OP - AIBU is notorious. Try Relationships next time.

Not sure if he’s a keeper?

If he had a problem it would have been better to have sorted it out quietly and discretely rather than washing everything in public.

Occasions such as weddings can be fraught when you have toddlers but this is no excuse.

@Cripssandwiches

Me and DH have an unspoken rule - if we're at an event where one of us is more involved than the other (e.g. my Cousin's wedding, his best friend's 40th birthday do) the less involved person is on DC watch so the other can catch up with people.

Yep, that's what we do as well. We introduce each other to people, obviously, but we allow the more "involved" person to spend time with their relatives/long-standing friends. We're not glued to the hip!

OP, your BF was being immature - perhaps he was a bit jealous seeing how well you get along without him - that have your own social circle?

I could be misinterpreting, of course, but he should NEVER have made a scene. Just know that he's embarrassed himself, not you. You didn't make him behave like a tantruming toddler, he chose to do it.
If he wasn't happy, he could've quietly taken you aside and told you that he needed a break from entertaining your DD.

Tell him this tomorrow when he emerges from the spare room - and enjoy having the bed to yourself.

Sounds like a miscommunication to me.

He says "you go socialise, I'll play with DD here on the lawn". He expects you'll be a short while. You think you have pretty much free rein for the day as they are predominantly your friends. You come back much later than he expected (and possibly just to check in and go off again) and he feels used and excluded.

That said, no excuse for yelling at you.

But if it's not a regular occurrence, I'd probably not make too much of it. Listen to his gripes, explain your own, forgive and forget.

Well I for one understand you totally OP.

Such a shame when you realise how blinkered and selfish your loved ones can be. No apologies in the future can give you this day back.

It doesn't sound like you're referring to a father playing with his daughter which is why you've had the responses you've had. It's quite a odd way to word it

BF didn't really know anyone so spent quite a bit of time playing with DD on the lawn which he was fine with as DD loves him to bits and they have a great time playing.

Dollymixture22 yes there certainly are.

Awwlookatmybabyspider

"I had to look after 'the toddler'"

It's really off to "quote" the OP with something she hasn't actually said

I really thought women were supposed to stick together and make each other feel better rather than jumping down their throats at every opportunity . I'm clearly mistaken

Err no. Just because we are women it doesn't mean we all have to blindly support each other just because vagina.

However, in this case your partner seems to be an arse.

YANBU.

I wonder if something or someone annoyed him or said something to him which pissed him off/lowered his mood/made him more sensitive.

Either way, he shouldn't have shouted and stormed off. A. It was embarrassing and B. It left you in the lurch with looking after your daughter by yourself.

I hope he's apologetic tomorrow.

YANBU. He acted like an absolute ass.

I went to a wedding just the other day with my DH and two kids where I basically didn't know anyone as it was colleagues of his from an old workplace. I did all the smiling and asking polite questions and telling the Bride and Groom how gorgeous the wedding was and then I entertained the girls for the next 4+ hours so he could catch up with all his friends. It's what you do. He would do the same for me. I would have preferred to stay home with the kids really, but he wanted his colleagues to meet them again (they last saw them about 5 years ago) so I went along with it. And even if he had seemed a bit off with me, I wouldn't have made a scene at the wedding (which is just downright rude to your hosts) and stormed off on my own. Unless, perhaps, our marriage was already on the rocks and this was the last straw, but then I probably wouldn't have gone in the first place, could this be a possibility?

Your boyfriend behaved liked an arse. An hour to catch up with friends whilst he entertained your child is not a lot to ask. And to kick off with you in public over it is a dickhead move.

YANBU. Some of the other posters on here are being pretty U though.

What, are you on allowed to swear at people on MN? Is it because it's 'direct' at another poster?

That's really surprised me. OP hope you get some sleep and partner apologises tomorrow and it's resolved, if it's out of character