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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be absolutely fuming

132 replies

lollythelurker · 08/09/2018 19:46

Just been to a close friends wedding with BF and DD. BF didn't really know anyone so spent quite a bit of time playing with DD on the lawn which he was fine with as DD loves him to bits and they have a great time playing. He asked me why I was being 'off' with him which I didn't think I was. He then, got annoyed, shouted at me in front of everyone and stormed off and went home. I've just got back (an hours drive) and he isn't here, so I'm assuming he's gone out to watch the football with his mates.

Isn't this he most selfish thing in the world? He wedding was of a friend of mine, not his and was completely ruined because I had to spend the afternoon keeping a toddler occupied. I had to leave half way through the speeches as she was exhausted and squealing. This has been a close friendship for 10 years. I'll never get it back.

I'm aware she is my child too, but I rarely get a chance to socialise with my friends so this was supposed to be a relaxing day for me to catch up with some people.

OP posts:
SavoyCabbage · 08/09/2018 20:24

I definitely thought your bf was not your dd’s father as you said about it being fine to leave them playing as she loved him to bits.

MoggyP · 08/09/2018 20:25

No, there is no reason for women to 'stick together' acritically.

Did your DP know in advance he was invited as travelling childcare, rather than part of a family group?

TomHardysNextWife · 08/09/2018 20:27

I can see what you mean OP.

Next time, leave him and your DD at home if you want to relax. It's never a good idea to try and entertain a grown man and a toddler at the same time....

Perhaps you could find out where he's watching the football and return the compliment of having a strop in front of his friends.....!!

Lougle · 08/09/2018 20:29

Ok, I must admit that this thread is really confusing. It sounds like your BF is not the father of your DD, because you say things like 'he's really good with her' and 'DD loves him to bits and they have a great time playing'. Then you go on to say that the day is ruined because you have to spend all afternoon entertaining a toddler.... You can see how it's all a recipe for disaster.

I think your BF obviously lost it with you and that's not good. But if you've just left him to keep an eye on your DD while you go and socialise.... I'd be pretty offended and wouldn't feel good in that situation. If you're there together, you should be together. If you weren't going to go together, you should have left him at home with your DD and gone alone.

And MN doesn't have a rep for women sticking together AFAIK. It has a rep for telling it like it is. IMO.

russiandwarf · 08/09/2018 20:29

Well I think he was a dick. If he'd agreed to look after DD and then decided to throw a hissy fit over a perceived slight, shout at you and storm off from a wedding in front of everyone he was being pathetic. He's a grown man, he should act like one.

Lyinglow50 · 08/09/2018 20:29

OP lovely people don't shout at their partners in public and storm off home from a wedding leaving their partner to mind their toddler alone so that they can watch football. Are you sure hes a lovely person?

If my partner did that to me I would be furious.

Lollypop701 · 08/09/2018 20:31

Hmmmm. Go see your friends (because that’s what I should say, but really I want you to stay with me as I don’t know anybody and am feeling insecure..... fuck this shit, selfish cow, I’ll go watch football instead... ) he is a passive aggressive muppet! If you love your partner sometimes you do the boring stuff for them, because they will for you. This should be done with good grace. Do not let him away with this, it’s not ok. He could have said dc needed to go home, he’d see you later if it wasn’t working. Instead he went off for a good time and left you to sort it out. Just no

justcontemplatingsomething · 08/09/2018 20:31

I think most people are being rather harsh. I know that feeling, I recently posted myself about a similar situation where we had a rare family night out with my extended family, and I just really needed DH to get me a large glass of wine, tell me to enjoy the evening, and take charge of our 2 young children. That didn't happen, DH got himself a beer or two, and I spent the whole evening looking after 2 overtired and hyper kids.

The advice I got was that I should have told DH in advance what I expected/wanted from the evening. To be honest I usually do this, but sometimes you just need your partner to be thoughtful and put you first without being asked.

Anyway, I told him afterwards what I thought about it all, he was oblivious to how I'd been feeling Confused and now I do find he's more thoughtful in general.

So I'd recommend talking honestly to him, see what reaction you get, and hopefully things will improve in future.

Pinkyyy · 08/09/2018 20:31

I must agree with pp who have said that this is not an instance where 'women should stick together'. You have posted asking if you were being unreasonable and you are now upset that people are telling you that you are.

Goldmandra · 08/09/2018 20:32

Sorry the vipers are out in force here, OP.

I get what you're saying and I agree, it sounds like the football was calling and he needed an excuse to leave. That is shitty selfish behaviour and I would be hurt and upset too.

Flowers
CrossFlannelCherry · 08/09/2018 20:34

YANBU. Even if you were 'off' with him, he should not have shouted at you in public. Sounds like he was looking for an excuse to skip most of the wedding so he could go and watch the footie instead. Also, if I don't know many/any people at a function I do the sensible thing and introduce myself to people.

MediocrePenguin · 08/09/2018 20:34

Very bizarre way to describe your DD's dad. Totally reads like they are not related - why would you need to state that she loves him and he loves spending time with her?!

Bluntness100 · 08/09/2018 20:35

If he'd agreed to look after DD

And that's the big question isn't it.

Did he know he was there as baby sitter or did he think he was a guest.

She says he spent a lot of time playing with thr child on his own, then challenged her on why she was being off, before losing it and leaving.

And agree, it reads like this is her boyfriend, not her partner and the child's father. It doesn't read like he thought he was there to babysit on his own Whilst she had a relaxing day catching up with people. As said, seems he didn't get that memo.

Dollymixture22 · 08/09/2018 20:35

So he was pissed off he had to play with his child while you caught up with friends he didn’t even know. Then there a temper tantrum and stormed off embarrassing you and himself in front of people at a wedding??

I would expect an apology to you and to the bride. I would also expect an explanation for this childish behaviour.

IceCreamSunday87 · 08/09/2018 20:36

He doesn't sound one bit lovely to me. Sounds like you should have left them both at home. If he was not enjoying it, the 'lovely' thing to do would have been to take your DD home, so you could relax and enjoy yourself. Especially because you say he goes out often and you don't. Does he only look after DD alone when your at work?
I reckon you have bigger problems tbf.
What an arse he is.

TulipsInBloom1 · 08/09/2018 20:37

he was there as baby sitter
Dads dont babysit their own kids.

Bluntness100 · 08/09/2018 20:37

Also, if I don't know many/any people at a function I do the sensible thing and introduce myself to people

That's very independent of you. Not expecting your partner to introduce you to folks. And to do it all with a toddler in tow.

Go you.

Orchiddingme · 08/09/2018 20:38

He sounds awful. Of course if it's your friends and colleagues, his role is to be polite, chatty, supportive and look after his own child so you can enjoy yourself. His behaviour is totally out of order at someone else's big day and I can't believe anyone is defending it.

Original poster
lollythelurker · 08/09/2018 20:42

So it appears literally everything I say gets picked apart. Thank you to the lovely people who have deciphered my first post ( I'm clearly not a Mumsnet pro) and the rest of you can jog on and go and pick one someone your own size Thanks

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 08/09/2018 20:43

Of course if it's your friends and colleagues, his role is to be polite, chatty, supportive and look after his own child so you can enjoy yourself

And the opposite is true? If a woman goes to an event with her partner, and it's busy frjends, she should expect to look after the child so he can enjoy himself? There should be no "we are there as a family".

I guess we live different to you. We like the inclusive route,

TulipsInBloom1 · 08/09/2018 20:44

Op my comment was not to you, but to those saying "did he know he was going as babysitter" - he is a father. He isnt babysitting.

greendale17 · 08/09/2018 20:45

Id have imagined this would be an unspoken, common sense agreement that if its OPs close friends wedding then the partner does majority childcare. And if it was her partners close friends wedding then she would be the childcare. That just makes sense.

^This is exactly the understanding me and my partner have.

Original poster
lollythelurker · 08/09/2018 20:46

I know @TulipsInBloom1 you seem to be one of the only people who actually gets what I'm saying! I'll go back to lurking now. Maybe I'll post again if I'm feeling brave!

OP posts:
GreenMeerkat · 08/09/2018 20:46

This has been a close friendship for 10 years. I'll never get it back

If you lose your friendship over the fact you had to placate your small child during speeches then I don't think you were all that close to begin with.

Bluntness100 · 08/09/2018 20:47

It's not what we have, we go as a family, and socialise as a family and support each other.

No one is left playing on the lawn on their own for some considerable time.

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