DS new girlfriend

[discobiscuit6]

Ds17 told us a few weeks ago that he has been seeing someone, dh has been teasing him asking to meet her etc but ds kept making excuses which I found strange as he has always introduced us to past girlfriends

Last night ds dropped the bombshell that his girlfriend was 4 months pregnant when he met her but she didn't know and now he is going to stay with her and help her raise the baby

AIBU to think that this is fucking absurd and at 17 the furthest thing from his mind should be baby's especially when its not his

I have tried to explain to ds how hard parenting is and at 17 relationships often don't last, I said to him that the kindest thing he can do is not get involved but he is not interested in anything I have to say

How old is the girlfriend?

The girlfriend sounds immature if the baby isn't your sons then there is also a dad kicking about and that could get messy.

He sounds a lovely, caring guy.

I was 16 with a 9 month old baby when I met my dh. He’s not much older than me. 25 years later we’re still going strong. We started off with nothing but to look at us now you wouldn’t guess that. His family have always loved dd and been amazing with her. She’s very close to her nana, aunts and cousins on his side.

So it can work-but it was hard work for a long time. I can definitely understand why you’re not thrilled with the situation! We haven’t had the easiest of lives but we’ve had each other.

Fuuuuck I would not be happy.

Kind, mature, caring...yeah yeah yeah. He’s 17.

God knows how you sort this out but I’d be beside myself if it were me.

In theory it sounds disastrous, but realistically, they'll have broken up in a few weeks anyway. Making a song and dance about it is going to make him feel all "love against all odds" about it and he'll dig his heels in.

Orchestrate time apart for them if possible - is he in school? Can he be doing lots of extracurriculars, sports, weekends away etc. to give his brain lots of other stuff to do?

Where is the baby's father, do you know? My money is on her being all lovey dovey with your son (possibly because she hasn't grasped the magnitude of things yet), and then announcing that she and the father are getting back together when the baby is due. She has a lot more going on in her life than most 17 year olds and she will make decisions that don't take your son into account, as well she ought.

Poor girl though. I hope she has proper support from her own parents etc. She's practically a child herself.

Not sure I'm keen on the way some posters are alluding to this 17 year old girl. Stating he's a mug or that she has not been honest is uncalled for- she's as much of a kid as he is and is likely scared. We don't know anything about her. I don't think he should be encouraged to drop her because she's pregnant - make him aware that raising a baby is going to be really difficult sure but he'll do what he wants to do anyway. The relationship is unlikely to last but if it does you'll always be the one who tried to separate him from her.

It doesnt say hhow old the girlfriend is unless ive missed it?

The fathers probably absent hence why shes lining up the ops son to play daddy.

@Creeper8 I think if she was considerably older the op would have mentioned it. Do you think all women/girls who find themselves pregnant and single are just looking for a mug to line up then? Hate women much?

Not sure I'm keen on the way some posters are alluding to this 17 year old girl.

We don't know she's a 17 year old girl.

I’m with the OP, I would be hugely worried too, if it’s definitely not his baby I would not want him to be involved or taking any responsibility when the baby arrives. He’s only 17 and has his full life in front of him.

@upsideup perhaps the op could enlighten us? Would it be ok to suggest she's some kind of manipulative liar if she was 18?

I wouldnt assume tbh, without the op clarifying. I was a single mother when pregnant, dating was the last thing on my mind. Ops son is definitely being a mum. I wouldnt be happy if it was my son.

mug!*

Will he want to keep seeing the child? Will he even go on the birth certificate?

Fucking hell! Make sure he does NOT do this!

I was also single when pregnant. I knew that dating was a daft idea but I was 32 but it didn't stop me feeling incredibly alone. We don't know what age the girl is but I likely would have been craving love if I was a hormonal pregnant teenager. That doesn't mean I would have been lining up a mug to "take on" my child.

Oh hell no, I would not be happy about this. At 17 he should be thinking about future career, travel, setting his life up. Not parenting and paying for a child that isn't his. Statistically too it's very likely to fall apart and where is he then? If there's no contact and a bond has formed that will be hard on him and the kid. I'd be telling him to run.

I'd feel exactly the same. Different story of the child is his. No way would I want my 17 year old having such a big responsibility.
Don't know what you can do though

Would you tell him it was “fucking absurd” and to not be involved if he was the one to have gotten her pregnant?

I was 21 when I was pregnant. Didnt see my kids father through my whole pregnant but I concentrated on my baby not finding a mug to play daddy! Do not let him go on the BC if they break up she will start claiming maintenance.

I'd feel the same OP but try to stay neutral when you talk to him because if you go in all guns all blazing(which is a very normal thing to want to do in this situation)it could push him closer to her and the idea of helping raise the baby.

I think the best thing you could do is listen to what he has to say and ask questions,how did they meet,has he met any of her family yet(all innocent questions of showing an interest)and if they're still together in a month or 2 think about inviting her around to meet her.

Good luck OP.

"as he has always introduced us to past girlfriends "

He's 17-how many has he had??

Chances are it won't last once reality kicks in!

I think that time will take care of this for you. In a few months she'll have a giant bump (not a look that most 17 year old lads find attractive - sorry, but it's true) and all the other delightful side effects of pregnancy. Leaky boobs etc. Then after that she'll have a screaming newborn that he'll have no biological attachment to whatsoever and be knackered. Many strong marriages struggle to get through that stage - if it's a fairly newish girlfriend having a baby that isn't his, my money is on it ending. Just don't push him away/into living with her in the meantime.

Well op i wouldn't offer to babysit

Leave him to it. They'll probably split up at some point before or soon after baby is born. And if they don't then they obviously are meant to be.

I would feel exactly the same as you tho!

Gosh that is young. I have a DS aged 17, who's still very much a (very tall) child, goes to school, does ALevels and planning to go univ. I'd really struggle with knowing what to do in this situation. Definitely make sure he doesn't put his name as the father on the birth certificate if he's not the biological father.