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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Re putting children on your lap on public transport

413 replies

user1485342611 · 07/09/2018 13:18

Someone in work this morning was saying that she had to stand the whole way in on the bus while at least three adults with toddlers allowed those toddler to take up a whole seat. We were all agreeing that they should have put the toddlers on their laps to free up 3 seats during rush hour. Apart from one colleague who has a 4 year old and didn't see why he should be denied a seat or she should have to put up with feeling 'a bit squashed' just so someone else could have the seat.

When I was a child it was just the norm for kids under a certain age to be pulled onto their mother's lap when the bus started filling up. No one thought twice about it.

AIBU to think it's a shame that parents don't do this anymore and that my colleague is being a bit selfish?

OP posts:
Osirus · 07/09/2018 13:21

A four year old is much bigger than a two year old (usually). I would certainly put my two or three year old on my lap but it would depend on how big she is when she’s four if I would stick her on my lap then.

Aprilshowersnowastorm · 07/09/2018 13:25

I remember sitting on dm knee at 7/8 to give someone a seat!
Would do the same with ds 9 if I ever had the misfortune of having to endure public transport again.
Envyvom.

PinkCalluna · 07/09/2018 13:25

It depends on the size of the child.

Also it could be ategued that an able bodied adult is more capable if standing on a shoogly bus than a little child who can’t reach hand hold etc.

I wouldn’t expect some to move their child for me and my expectations of public transport when my D.C. were small was that adults would offer my kids their seats if we were standing.

PInkcalluna · 07/09/2018 13:26

Sorry experience not expectations

SaucyJack · 07/09/2018 13:28

TBH I think able-bodied adults of working age should just get over themselves and stand without bitching, if they get on a bus/train and all the seats are taken.

No one comes out of the story well.

longwayoff · 07/09/2018 13:30

Totally selfish. Keep breeding those entitled kids, they'll be choosing your care home eventually.

MissLingoss · 07/09/2018 13:35

...if I ever had the misfortune of having to endure public transport again.
vom.

I hope you never do. I do use public transport, and I wouldn't want to be sitting next to you while you're vomiting.

....a little child who can’t reach hand hold etc.

Why can't a child who is standing hold onto its parent, with parent's arm around it?

And buses I use have hand holds on backs of seats; children can reach those.

xyzandabc · 07/09/2018 13:36

I would put my big 6 yr old or my small 8 yr old on my knee to free up a seat. Or make them share a seat.
Just common courtesy, doesn't cost anything and makes someone else's day just that bit more pleasant.

Excited0803 · 07/09/2018 13:39

I'd expect to do that with DS, yes. However if I also had a lot of bags that couldn't fit on just the floor by my feet (and were therefore on my lap), or if I had a knee or other injury that he'd hurt by sitting on it, or if I had 2+ kids with me, or if the child is being very difficult temper-wise (e.g. wanted to sleep in pushchair but taken out) then maybe not. It could also be a new childminder who doesn't feel the child will be comfortable with that. I've seen many cases where it looks clearly that the adult could / should have the child on their lap, but I can also think of many circumstances where it wouldn't work, so I try not to judge. Especially with toddlers actually rather than slightly older lids, sometimes people are just trying to make it through the day without a public meltdown.

For some reason this post reminds me of travelling in Laos where one old lady put her chicken on MY lap to be more comfortable and the very next old lady put her nappy-free child on my other leg. So it could be worse, they could be putting their sticky kids on your lap.

MissLingoss · 07/09/2018 13:40

Keep breeding those entitled kids, they'll be choosing your care home eventually.

Or they'll grow into teenagers like the schoolgirls I once saw, who occupied the priority seats when there were elderly people with walking sticks, and one with a white stick, standing.

ridinghighinapril · 07/09/2018 13:41

I think it's selfish to let them take up a seat when they can still sit safely, albeit on one of our laps. I can understand it if the child is bigger and/or it's not practical.

Thurlow · 07/09/2018 13:41

I make my 7yo sit on my lap if it's busy. It's easy for me to do and it's just helpful and polite.

DieAntword · 07/09/2018 13:43

Realistically if you don’t have to pay for a child’s ticket (so under 5s here) you should put them on your lap if asked.

But if someone isn’t going to ask then how is a parent with a toddler to know they want the seat? Plenty of people would rather stand than sit next to a toddler in the first place. It’s really not that hard Brits, you don’t always need to grind your teeth in passive agressive rage, just ask nicely when you want something and you’ll often get it. Give it a go.

DieAntword · 07/09/2018 13:45

Something like this might work “excuse me young man” to the child “would you like to sit on mummy’s lap so that I can have a seat? I’m dreadfully tired.”

They’ll almost ceirtainly comply.

OutPinked · 07/09/2018 13:46

I am currently almost 32 weeks pregnant and I have large babies so my bump is huge. Ok so my youngest DC is six but even if she were four, there’s no way she could comfortably sit on my lap atm.

A two year old is hugely different from a four year old. I think you have a point with 1/2 year olds but 3/4 year olds are too heavy and it certainly would be very cramped.

TooMuchPenis · 07/09/2018 13:46

Everyone has equal right to a seat assuming not elderly or inform, but it's just nice and hardly a big deal to stick a four year old on your knee? I mean, you do it at home anyway right? Confused Certainly a two year old can go on your lap.

TooMuchPenis · 07/09/2018 13:48

I am currently almost 32 weeks pregnant and I have large babies so my bump is huge. Ok so my youngest DC is six but even if she were four, there’s no way she could comfortably sit on my lap atm.

I don't think anyone would expect that from someone hugely pregnant though.

Something like this might work “excuse me young man” to the child “would you like to sit on mummy’s lap so that I can have a seat? I’m dreadfully tired.”

Or don't be passive aggressive and speak to the adult they are with?

DieAntword · 07/09/2018 13:50

I do put my 2 year old son on my lap when the bus is busy but I wouldn’t say it’s not a big deal. He is only cuddly if I cuddle the baby (aka as a way of displacing the baby in my affections), otherwise it’s screamimg and throwing his head back and squirming very forcefully to try and escape (I am of course stronger than him and able to prevent him escaping but I wouldn’t say it’s a pleasurable experience for me or for other passengers).

Echobelly · 07/09/2018 13:50

We still put our younger one on lap and/or make older one stand if the tube is busy.

thesendiaries · 07/09/2018 13:51

I've sat my much older than four child on my lap when she was younger to free up the seat.
One of mine has disabilities and requires a seat but gets tons of shit and shouting at by people for occupying a seat on her school run despite explaining and telling people why and giving her seat up for elderly and disabled!

That said I know it's a respect thing but I've never got the children standing up for adult thing. I would much rather an unsteady four year old sat in a seat and I if I was an healthy adult stood up rather than let them fall everywhere.
I've been on buses with under 7s stumbling everywhere and getting thrown about,especially a couple of out buses go on part of a motorway.

DieAntword · 07/09/2018 13:51

Or don't be passive aggressive and speak to the adult they are with?

It’s the child you’re asking to give up their seat. You could turn to the adult and ask if it’s ok with them as well but really it’s the kid who is losing sometching here and needs winning over.

howabout · 07/09/2018 13:52

I wouldn't be volunteering to have my 6 year old sit on my lap so some able bodied worker could manspread next to us taking up one and a half seats. You wouldn't thank me anyway as if said 6 year old doesn't get her own seat and the bus is hot and overcrowded she is liable to be sick all over the place.

Cronesquerness · 07/09/2018 13:52

Isn't the half fare for kids because they can sit on their parent's lap and free up a seat for an adult who has paid full price. At least that's what my mum told me when I complained about having to sit on her knee when the bus filled up. [When I was a kid].

LisaSimpsonsbff · 07/09/2018 13:53

TBH I think able-bodied adults of working age should just get over themselves and stand without bitching, if they get on a bus/train and all the seats are taken.

I don't have enough experience of toddlers to know who's being unreasonable here, but surely the point is that they didn't think the seats were legitimately 'taken'? I'm perfectly capable of standing but refuse to do it so someone's bag can have a seat to make them more comfortable, and presumably the 'put them on your lap' people think the same principle applies - the parents are choosing to be more comfortable, but could be less so and free up a seat? Again, I'm not saying they're right but I see their logic.

DieAntword · 07/09/2018 13:55

Isn't the half fare for kids because they can sit on their parent's lap and free up a seat for an adult who has paid full price.

Wouldn’t think so since I see plenty of sixth formers getting on and getting a “child single” and I can’t imagine them sitting on their mummy’s laps - especially with the child obesity crisis and everything...