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AIBU?

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Original poster

Re putting children on your lap on public transport

413 replies

user1485342611 · 07/09/2018 13:18

Someone in work this morning was saying that she had to stand the whole way in on the bus while at least three adults with toddlers allowed those toddler to take up a whole seat. We were all agreeing that they should have put the toddlers on their laps to free up 3 seats during rush hour. Apart from one colleague who has a 4 year old and didn't see why he should be denied a seat or she should have to put up with feeling 'a bit squashed' just so someone else could have the seat.

When I was a child it was just the norm for kids under a certain age to be pulled onto their mother's lap when the bus started filling up. No one thought twice about it.

AIBU to think it's a shame that parents don't do this anymore and that my colleague is being a bit selfish?

OP posts:
PoxAlert · 07/09/2018 13:55

My daughter (5) so infrequently sits on my lap now that I sort of enjoy it if we're on a busy tube etc. As we get to have a nice chat/cuddle.

But

We only use public transport if we're out in London for the day, and to be fair her and I are very frequently offered seats by other tube users, (she is a bit small for her age)

If I had to get the bus to/from school with her daily I'd maybe not look upon being sat on as quite the treat that I do!

steppemum · 07/09/2018 13:56

adults would offer my kids their seats if we were standing.

really??

I would always put a small child on my lap, and if it is a short journey, I might put and older child too (8 or 9) They really aren't that heavy!

Would never expect an adult to get up and let a child sit down, but I would expect and adult to get up and let a parent with very small child sit down with child on their lap.

kaytee87 · 07/09/2018 13:57

I would definitely put my toddler on my lap. For a bigger child I'd have them stand between my knees where possible so they were still safe from falling.

KingLooieCatz · 07/09/2018 13:58

DS was still going on my lap up to and including 8 years old. Round our way the driver isn't meant to let anyone else is on once there are 6 people standing so it is a bit annoying to see a 2 person seat occupied by a couple of toddlers and people are left waiting in the rain for the next bus.

My favourite bus driver ever got out of his cab and made people take the empty seats so he could pick up more passengers. I was so impressed I did a feedback thing to the bus company.

DieAntword · 07/09/2018 13:58

If I had to get the bus to/from school with her daily I'd maybe not look upon being sat on as quite the treat that I do!

I’d love it if my son sat their willingly. He’s so warm and lovely to cuddle on the rare occasion he stays still. Maybe that’s why I wish people would ask him. He’s dreadfully shy and would crawl into my lap without a second thought if some scary stranger asked him to!

SlartiAardvark · 07/09/2018 13:58

Depends on size of sprog, size of parent, general load carried etc....

Do you have to pay for kids that age? If so, they're just as entitled to a seat as any other paying passenger....

SlartiAardvark · 07/09/2018 13:59

I would never put my kids on my lap on a bus when they were little.

That's mainly because my fag would have set their hair on fire!!! Grin

Knittedfairies · 07/09/2018 14:00

Realistically if you don’t have to pay for a child’s ticket (so under 5s here) you should put them on your lap if asked.

I’ll just throw into the mix that many of the older passengers may be travelling using their free bus pass...

SnuggyBuggy · 07/09/2018 14:00

I'm a short arse with a taller husband so I reckon DD will look daft sat on me before 5. I've also never got why an able bodied adult would expect someone smaller, less stable and with less dense bones to stand for them.

Timeisslippingaway · 07/09/2018 14:01

DieAntword

If you said this to a child I had with me, I would probably tell them to sit exactly where they were and not move because you had been so rude and passive aggresive. Ask the adult first to make sure there is no reason the child couldn't sit on their lap.

DieAntword · 07/09/2018 14:02

I’ll just throw into the mix that many of the older passengers may be travelling using their free bus pass...

Well feel free to offer them your lap, I’m sure some of the old men would jump at the chance!

SleepingStandingUp · 07/09/2018 14:02

As DS gets free travel then if he wasn't in his buggy and the bus was busy I'd expect him to go on my lap.
After 5 or so it would depend on size of him, who was standing etc.

But I'm busy being an evil buggy user atm so mwahahahaah

OhLookHeKickedTheBall · 07/09/2018 14:02

I normally allow my DC a seat and stand by them myself to free up space. Sometimes all three of us will squidge into two seats. I couldn't fit both of them on my lap though so can't really free up any more seats.

DD has gone flying on a bus once as I'd let her go thinking we were at a stop and I needed to pick our bags up, only for the driver to take off start moving again. I feel a lot safer if the anyone's DC are seated after that.

That said I will stand to allow anyone else more in need of a seat to sit down, but not someone who was also able to stand.

howabout · 07/09/2018 14:03

*Realistically if you don’t have to pay for a child’s ticket (so under 5s here) you should put them on your lap if asked.

I’ll just throw into the mix that many of the older passengers may be travelling using their free bus pass...*

Just to add most of the workers will be commuting on a weekly travel pass at a discounted rate. If I get on the bus with my DC I am generally paying more than any of the other passengers.

steppemum · 07/09/2018 14:04

mind you, when my kids were little we lived in a country where if you got on a crowded bus (and boy were they crowded) they picked up kids babies shopping etc and passed them all down the bus until they were safely on someone's knee. Used the scare the crap out of ds when he was 2 ish.
If we tried to stand on any bus, someone would always reach and and pull the toddler on to a lap, so the poor thing didn't have to stand.
The bus conductors used to give the teenage boys a right telling off if they didn't jump up quickly enough to offer their seats to elderly, infirm, people with toddlers or lots of shopping or pregnant women.

SleepingStandingUp · 07/09/2018 14:04

SnuggyBuggy I don't think it's about leaving a 5 yo in the aisle alone is it. Pop them on your lap or on one leg between your legs etc if it's suitable. If there was a person who needed a seat I'd stand and let DS sit and give up my seat.

Fink · 07/09/2018 14:06

I put my dd (aged 9) on my lap if an elderly/disabled/pregnant/parent with small child etc. passenger is in need of a seat. I wouldn't do it for a healthy adult. I would have when she was about 3. This is on the tube. To be honest, on a bus I can't see how I could have fit her and me into the one space once she was over 3 - already my legs are touching the seat in front so I don't know where hers would go!

Yokohamajojo · 07/09/2018 14:08

I always did that but had a period when the youngest would tantrum as he wanted to sit on his own seat which made the whole experience hard work! (yes he still sat on my lap)

ThisIsNotARealAvo · 07/09/2018 14:08

Where I live (London) children do not pay for tickets so I don't let my children sit down if it's busy. I feel pissed off when parents let children have all the seats when it's crowded, obviously if you've got more than one you can't have them all on your lap.

However, lots of people do offer my kids seats which is very nice and totally unnecessary IMO.

PersisFord · 07/09/2018 14:08

I would stand up so a child could sit. Who wouldn’t? They are children, we are supposed to look after them!

Jaxhog · 07/09/2018 14:09

put up with feeling 'a bit squashed' just so someone else could have the seat.
Wow. So her comfort is more important than someone elses?

It isn't always possible i.e. if child is large. But surely, this is just common courtesy?

Jaxhog · 07/09/2018 14:12

PS. Don't assume an older person has a bus pass! In the SE UK, outside of London, we don't get one until 66.

nailak · 07/09/2018 14:13

I think the opposite.
Children's safety comes first. They find it hard to balance, not get pushed around when people are getting off etc.
I would get up to give a seat to a young child.

With my own kids I'll make them share seats. If there's an elderly or infirm person I'll get them to offer their seats, but not for someone who looks able bodied.

FlipnTwist · 07/09/2018 14:13

A child has a lower centre of gravity, better balance and a better strength to weight ratio than an adult , so should be a lot safer standing added to which they do not usually pay full fare

mastertomsmum · 07/09/2018 14:14

Depends on the child and the circumstances. It can usually work to have a child on your lap if they are not too big for the gap. I was recently on an open top bus and when it rained loads of people came down stairs. A couple of kids 7 and 9 approx. were on laps. There was an older lady I would happily have given my seat up for but the logistics made it impossible. A teen and several younger people were nearer and might have asked.

The worst situation of this kind I have been in was when our son was around 2. We got on a tiny bus from Buttermere to Keswick. It had been raining but the sun came out. My DS nodded off standing up. 2 unacceptable things happened: 1.several people, said 'aaah' but didn't offer us a seat and 2. someone asked me to move along where I would have had to hold one of those handles rather than a post.

We got off at the forest park for fresh air and a cuppa.