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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Re putting children on your lap on public transport

413 replies

user1485342611 · 07/09/2018 13:18

Someone in work this morning was saying that she had to stand the whole way in on the bus while at least three adults with toddlers allowed those toddler to take up a whole seat. We were all agreeing that they should have put the toddlers on their laps to free up 3 seats during rush hour. Apart from one colleague who has a 4 year old and didn't see why he should be denied a seat or she should have to put up with feeling 'a bit squashed' just so someone else could have the seat.

When I was a child it was just the norm for kids under a certain age to be pulled onto their mother's lap when the bus started filling up. No one thought twice about it.

AIBU to think it's a shame that parents don't do this anymore and that my colleague is being a bit selfish?

OP posts:
Bambamber · 07/09/2018 14:15

If my child is young enough that I'm not paying for them to travel, of course they can go on my lap. If my child was old enough for me to be paying for her to travel, then I would allow her to sit in her own seat. If there were no seats left or we were sat in an accessible seat and someone with greater needs got on I would make my child sit on my lap or we would both stand. I wouldn't automatically make her give up her seat unless there wasn't an obvious need. A grown adult with no additional needs is more than capable of standing on a bus. If someone asked politely, then again I would sit my daughter on my lap or we would both stand

Respect and entitlement goes both ways in my opinion. Children should respect adults, but adults should also treat children with respect, they are our future after all. Children can learn that there are people with greater needs than themselves and should be helpful where possible, but also that you don't get to be entitled to stuff as an adult just because you are older

thesendiaries · 07/09/2018 14:16

'Isn't the half fare for kids because they can sit on their parent's lap and free up a seat for an adult who has paid full price.'

My youngest is 5 Foot 7 and nine stone and still in school so pays half price (£36 a month for her pass) she isn't fitting on my lap.

Timeisslippingaway · 07/09/2018 14:16

ThisIsNotARealAvo

You don't let your children sit down? bit much! Why don't they sit on your knee or why don't you stand and free up a seat for someone else? You just make your child stand and you sit? You sound pretty selfish, why are you more entitled to a seat than your child?

TheGateauIsInTheChateau · 07/09/2018 14:17

Children sitting on the lap of a parent always look happier and more content than the ones crawling about their own seat. I’ve always noticed this...

I agree with others saying little ones either share a seat or get put on your lap.

Equally as someone said earlier, if there are tiny ones on a crowded train usually it’s common courtesy for the mum and little one to be offered a seat (one seat)...

RomanyRoots · 07/09/2018 14:17

if they aren't paying for a seat then they should stand or sit on a parents lap.
If they are too big for this then the adult should be prepared to pay.
I think staff should be able to insist they pay if the train/bus is full and people who have paid can't sit.

TheOrigFV45 · 07/09/2018 14:18

If my child was too big to sit on my lap then I would ask them to give up their seat.

littlecabbage · 07/09/2018 14:18

I don't think the "wants" of a fit healthy adult trump those of a child. Both are entitled to a seat if one is free.

All fit and healthy children and adults should give up their seat for anyone less fit and healthy than themselves.

Simples.

SleepingStandingUp · 07/09/2018 14:18

ThisIsNotARealAvo how old are your children? I can't imagine making my 5 yo stand whilst I just sit there

Sirzy · 07/09/2018 14:20

Ds has never been able to cope with seat sharing or sitting on knee so before he got his wheelchair if needed I would stand and leave him sat.

SleepingStandingUp · 07/09/2018 14:21

If my child was too big to sit on my lap then I would ask them to give up their seat.
Really surprised how many people would expect little kids to hang on, be jostled about by people getting on and off etc whilst they just sit there enjoying their seat

SleepingStandingUp · 07/09/2018 14:23

Sirzy and that's why people should ask the parent not the kid so the parent can say no

LimboLuna · 07/09/2018 14:23

I still do this and my eldest (10) is as big as me so it looks ludicrous.

On a recent trip on the train i was amazed how many didn't, i thought it was just the done thing, more so if they are elderly waiting for a seat.

RiverTam · 07/09/2018 14:23

DD always had to sit in my knee on crowded trains. Even at age 8 I have been known to plonk her on my knee.

I do think full fare paying adults (and seniors of course) trump able bodied children.

paintedwingsandgiantrings · 07/09/2018 14:23

Something like this might work “excuse me young man” to the child “would you like to sit on mummy’s lap so that I can have a seat? I’m dreadfully tired.”

They’ll almost ceirtainly comply.

Really?! My children would look at you as if you'd just fallen form the sky.

Are other people's children really like this?

I always make my youngest sit on my lap if people need the say (eldest is the weight of a small adult now) - but it's certainly under protest - she does not want to.

Mamabearx4 · 07/09/2018 14:24

My kids and i always give up our seats if someone more in need needs it something i have always drilled in to them. My youngest would go on my lap or they can sit and i will stand. Even when pregnant i gave my seat up willingly.

lottiegarbanzo · 07/09/2018 14:24

Huh? I think you're wrong to imagine parents don't do this any more. They do. You're extrapolating from one incident and one colleague to a blanket statement about all parents. Don't do that, it makes you look foolish.

Timeisslippingaway · 07/09/2018 14:25

Next time I go on public transport I am going to insist on paying full adult price for my kids to ensure they get a seat. The conductor will probably think I'm bloody mental but that's obviously the only way they should be allowed to have a seat. Talk about entitled children, what about all these entitled adults that expect children to stand because they don't pay as much. Paying for public transport has nothing to do with the seats, it's because you are being transported from one place to another.
I always put my younger children on my knee if the bus or train is busy but it certainly shouldn't be expected by an able bodied adult.

woodhill · 07/09/2018 14:28

I think dc should sit on your lap where possible.

sue51 · 07/09/2018 14:28

I always put my DD's on my lap when the train was full. When they were older, say 9 or 10, I would make them stand up if there was someone who needed the seat more than them. Its what I did when I was a child . I don't recall either myself or them coming to any harm because of it.

lexer · 07/09/2018 14:30

Of course children should give up their seats. It's only manners. If the child can't sit on the parent's knee they can hold on to them. So many rude parents bringing up children to have no manners or respect.

Original poster
user1485342611 · 07/09/2018 14:33

Lottie I use public transport myself and have seen this many, many times including when I have travelled with my mother who is in her 80s and has often had to stand while toddlers occupy a seat. I started this thread because of my colleague's comment, which I found surprising, not because it is my only experience of toddlers not sitting on laps on public transport.

So no, I'm not being foolish but you are certainly making yourself look pretty damn rude.

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 07/09/2018 14:35

lexer it isn't a lack or respect, it's about my child's welfare. No way is a little 5 yo safer standing up on a busy bus, people pushing past to get in and off etc and him half their size than sitting. So he'd stay sat and I'd stand. People I'm a grown up with more experience of balancing and full sized with more strength to hold on

howabout · 07/09/2018 14:40

Public Health England suggest adults (including older but not frail ones) actively choose to stand on public transport for the good of their health.

www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/elderly-people-stop-seat-offers-public-transport-health-expert-a8006641.html

lottiegarbanzo · 07/09/2018 14:41

No, not at all. You made a blanket statement it's a shame that parents don't do this anymore You're wrong, many do.

Perhaps you meant to ask a question but you didn't.

GreenMeerkat · 07/09/2018 14:41

If someone elderly, disabled or pregnant got on the bus I would give up my seat for them and let my child remain seated. My child is almost 5 though so I'd be more comfortable standing than having her on my lap. A younger child I may put on my lap instead but if I got on a full bus I wouldn't expect to take a child's seat. I'd just stand.