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AIBU?

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Original poster

Re putting children on your lap on public transport

413 replies

user1485342611 · 07/09/2018 13:18

Someone in work this morning was saying that she had to stand the whole way in on the bus while at least three adults with toddlers allowed those toddler to take up a whole seat. We were all agreeing that they should have put the toddlers on their laps to free up 3 seats during rush hour. Apart from one colleague who has a 4 year old and didn't see why he should be denied a seat or she should have to put up with feeling 'a bit squashed' just so someone else could have the seat.

When I was a child it was just the norm for kids under a certain age to be pulled onto their mother's lap when the bus started filling up. No one thought twice about it.

AIBU to think it's a shame that parents don't do this anymore and that my colleague is being a bit selfish?

OP posts:
LeftRightCentre · 07/09/2018 15:44

I agree, anita.

anitagreen · 07/09/2018 15:44

No I don't think it's spoilt at all a child has the right to be tired and be able to sit down they are a child, and usually after nursery one of mine falls asleep so holding onto a sleeping child enduring myself pain just so an adult with no issues can sit down is beyond even thinking about. I find it terrible how people's attitude to children are

anitagreen · 07/09/2018 15:45

I also have a young sibling with suspected autism he is calm only by sitting and looking out the window and I would be absolutely fuming if someone decided he should get up out of his seat it's not on.

Potato2242 · 07/09/2018 15:45

If you pay for a child's ticket, then they should be entitled to use the seats just like every other paying passenger can

Original poster
user1485342611 · 07/09/2018 15:47

But the example given Anita was of a child who wanted a passenger to stand up for her (a passenger with a bad back) and went hysterical when they wouldn't. How is that not spoilt behaviour?

OP posts:
anitagreen · 07/09/2018 15:49

It's not spoilt behaviour how do you know the child wasn't exhausted being out? Could of been any passenger to give up a seat they are a child why are they any lesser of an adult is it because they go to work and a child cannot and therefor isn't important or something?. This whole thread screams kids aren't important or worthy or having a seat like a second class citizen it's truly disgusting

Notthemessiah · 07/09/2018 15:50

Moving a toddler on to your lap if it's not too uncomfortable is one thing. Giving up your seat to someone who is obviously in need of it, and only then asking your kids to give up theirs if there is someone else in need is also fine.

Anyone who makes their older children give up their seats for a perfectly able bodied adult, especially if they themselves remain seated is utter bullshit.

No-one is owed respect simply because they are older and you aren't teaching your kids anything 'manners' or 'consideration' - you're teaching them that they aren't as important as someone else simply because of some stupid arbitrary measure (age) and, worse, that you put how these adults think of you ahead of your own children.

And all those talking about 'lower centres of gravity' should seriously take a look at the lengths they'll go to try and rationalise their stupid per-conceived notions about how children should be treated as lessers.

Wtfdoipick · 07/09/2018 15:50

It's not necessarily spoilt behaviour. That could be my child but she's autistic she isn't spoilt but she doesn't have a label on her telling you that so please don't judge

CatchingACold · 07/09/2018 15:50

It is yet another indicator of social class. We need to start a mumsnet definitive list.

Do your children sit on public transport whilst adults stand?

SleepingStandingUp · 07/09/2018 15:50

There's no excuse for them taking up a seat if other people need it on the way to work
So the priority is destination not need?? If you aren't going out to earn your way you don't deserve a seat as much??

SleepingStandingUp · 07/09/2018 15:52

It is yet another indicator of social class. We need to start a mumsnet definitive list
Do your children sit on public transport whilst adults stand?
Sorry which class is it who don't make their 5 yo stand whilst they themselves sit on their bums?

SnuggyBuggy · 07/09/2018 15:53

To be honest if I was on a bus with my child and an adult politely asked for a seat I would give them mine. If they started crapping on about how in their day children stood for adults I wouldn't.

LeftRightCentre · 07/09/2018 15:53

Well then, by that token, people who use a bus pass don't pay full fare, either, and therefore are not entitled to a seat Hmm.

CatchingACold · 07/09/2018 15:55

Sorry which class is it who don't make their 5 yo stand whilst they themselves sit on their bums?

The class where adult men don't offer to give up their seat either.

Amaaboutthis · 07/09/2018 15:55

I totally agree. I always put younger children on my knee and expect my older children to stand if an adult could have their seat. Personally I think it’s good manners

SleepingStandingUp · 07/09/2018 15:58

Sorry which class is it who don't make their 5 yo stand whilst they themselves sit on their bums?

The class where adult men don't offer to give up their seat either

Not at all. I don't make my 5 Yr old stand so I can sit on my bum, I give up my seat and keep him safe on his. My adult male partner also offers to give up his too.

Making my 5 yo welfare important makes me lower class then?

LaurieMarlow · 07/09/2018 15:59

TBH I think able-bodied adults of working age should just get over themselves and stand without bitching, if they get on a bus/train and all the seats are taken.

I haven't rtft, but agree with this

CatchingACold · 07/09/2018 15:59

I am not saying that 1 is right and 1 is wrong, simply that it is more prevalent in some social groups for children and men to stand than in others.

You see it all the time on the trains home full of school children- fascinating social study,

SleepingStandingUp · 07/09/2018 15:59

I actually think making your 5 yo stand whilst you sit, other than for medical needs, is just selfish parenting tbh

Wtfdoipick · 07/09/2018 15:59

I think it teaches the wrong message to tell children they have to stand for an adult. It doesn't teach manners but that adults are more important so we get the next generation growing into adults who expect to be given their own way simply by virtue of being an adult.

SleepingStandingUp · 07/09/2018 16:01

I'm just confused what social class has men sitting above all else, but a parent would let their child sit safely and stand themselves. How are the two linked? I'd expect DH to give up his seat to anyone who needed it more which Inc our 5 yo

Amaaboutthis · 07/09/2018 16:01

To be fair a lot of people offer my daughter their seat but we decline because she needs to be taught to offer her seat to adults

I totally agree.

Jaffacakesfordinner · 07/09/2018 16:02

Where I live you dont pay for a child until theyre 5. The drivers often ask during peak times to pop children under 5 on your lap IF suitable (obviously taking into account disabilities etc).

FanWithoutAGuard · 07/09/2018 16:04

My 5 year old needs a seat more than an adult (including me) - generally I have my 5 and 8 yearold share whilst I stand round them in a cage - but then buses and roads are a bit violent round here. If we are on a crowded bus and they're standing, it's just not very safe - the 8 year old is fine - he's taller now, but the 5 year old spends the journey getting bags swung in his face, barreled out of the way and tripped over.

Original poster
user1485342611 · 07/09/2018 16:04

I don't see why it's so complicated. If possible, take your small child on your lap and free up a seat for someone else. It's just a nice and pleasant thing to do.

OP posts: