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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DTs came home from PILs today with NAIL VARNISH on...

164 replies

inamuckingfuddle · 07/06/2007 19:15

...and it wasn't their 5 yr old cousin that had put it on them it was their f*ing 58 yr old grandad they're only 3 I'm furious!

OP posts:
SofiaAmes · 08/06/2007 03:36

I really think you need to learn to pick your battles. When they are 16 and want to put on nail varnish and makeup and go down the town and pick up boys....then it's time to make a fuss. In the meantime it really is a bit of harmless fun. And I think you should be greatful your fil had the sense to put it on them himself. My father took my kids to the park last week and "watched" (he had no idea what was going on) while dd (4) put pink nailpolish on half the kids in the park (fingers and toes) including ds (6). He saw her surrounded by a circle of children and was just thrilled "she had made so many friends." Luckily I had no complaints from the parents!

And by the way, I wear no makeup whatsoever (and never have) and neither does my mother (and never has). I still enjoyed experimenting as a young child whenever I was at a friend's house. My dd has just been given a bunch of makeup from a friend and she has had lots of fun playing with it. Either she will outgrow it, or she won't. But surely there are more important things to worry about in your child's life than her 3 year old experimentations as aided by their grandad. And if you are going to make complaints about bad habits, you seem to have a real penchant for swearing...hopefully you aren't teaching that to your 3 year olds. Much more distasteful than a bit of nail polish in my opinion.

TheDevilWearsPrimark · 08/06/2007 03:37

I too think it is absolutely fine. I see nothing wrong with children wearing make up, or nail varnish,as it is a very different thing to the way adults wear it.

Of course I wouldn't allow it for school, but thats more an issue of looking smart than anything else.

mamama · 08/06/2007 03:59

Wouldn't bother me. I actually think it is quite nice that their 58 year old grandad was involved enough in their visit to actually do their nails. I wish my grandad had done things like that with me. Or any of my family really...

If it really bothers you, could you have a word with them? Or, if you're worried about rocking the boat, just take it off the DTs nails when they get home.

Original poster
inamuckingfuddle · 08/06/2007 07:49

'you seem to have a real penchant for swearing' - when and where please? Rather a vicious personal comment with no basis in fact.

I love the fact that the DTs spend time with their grandparents, I don't like the fact that they've come home with nail polish on, they're 3, its too young imo. I hadn't realised how many people out there regularly put make up on their 3 yr olds which I do find rather odd - I am obviously in the minority on this, but happy to be there

OP posts:
FrannyandZooey · 08/06/2007 08:32

"When they are 16 and want to put on nail varnish and makeup and go down the town and pick up boys....then it's time to make a fuss"

I am not sure exactly what you're going to do about that when they are 16...

fillyjonk · 08/06/2007 08:37

oh lol

ds is desperate for nail varnish

pointydog · 08/06/2007 08:41

I take it that was a light-hearted post, sofieamies.

Fuddle, I'd be a bit is grandad put nail varnish on 3 year old to ne honest. And I know people who would hate it. I don't think you're in such a small minority.

But you are being unreasonable

Pennies · 08/06/2007 08:41

inamuckingfuddle - I'm with you on this one. I think though that whilst I don't like the look of it my actual gripe is probably the same as yours in that they're too young IMO. There is plenty of time for them to do all this as they get older at which point I will be happy to indulge them with age specific products (i.e. Barbie polish rather than grown up stuff).

I don't share your opinions of the propriety of their grandad doing it though. It sounds like the three of them had fun together and I envy the fact that your kids have that relationship with their GP's as my parents are rubbish with my DDs.

Hulababy · 08/06/2007 08:43

I feel sorry for poor grandad TBH. Really don't think this warrants being furious with him. He was spending time with his grandchildren and having a bit of fun - doing something that, let's face it, many people do seem as being fine. I think grandad sounds lovely.

But if you do object, which you are in your rights to do with your own children, then tell grandad not to do it in future.

Original poster
inamuckingfuddle · 08/06/2007 08:45

It was more of a that when asked it was grandad rather than 5 yr old cousin that had put it on them, it wasn't the answer I'd expected!

OP posts:
Original poster
inamuckingfuddle · 08/06/2007 08:48

no need to feel sorry for grandad, he has no idea how I feel about it, DH picked them up (and was no happier about it than me, but don't know if he said anything...)

OP posts:
Hulababy · 08/06/2007 08:49

TBH I would have been more annoyed if it had been the 5yo than grandad who had done it. At least grandad would have done it properly, not made loads of mess on fingers and/or nearby surfaces, and possibly risk getting in eyes/mouth. My 5yo is not allowed access to nail polish on her own (she did get hold of it once on her own and I was not happy with the consequences!).

Popple · 08/06/2007 09:10

So you wouldn't have minded if the 5yr old had done it?

My youngest (3yrs old nearly 4yrs) loves her nail varnish but she only has a clear/tinted one with glitter in it. I think if it's just dress up then that is OK for me. I wouldn't judge anybody else on what they do with regards to nail varnish...what a waste of time and emotion. I know you are only talking about what is acceptable to you but surely a one-off isn't such a big deal. Make a rule now and make it clear to your family and friends if it worries you that much.

It's not going to alter your children. It's not going to harm them. They had a lovely time with their grandad who will obviously do anything to make them happy. Can you say half jokingly/half seriously next time you leave them with him 'And NO make-up up this time....Grandad!'.

BrothelSprouts · 08/06/2007 09:18

I think you are perfectly entitled to be annoyed if you don't like this kind of thing.
They are your children, so what you say goes.
Tell your FIL and I'm sure it won't happen again.

But I think the scale of your reaction is unreasonable.
You're furious about it?
Really?
Furious?

Sheesh, they're only three - if you're furious about nail varnish now, I predict there are going to be an awful lot of things for you to get fury-filled about in the future!!

You'll be exhausted!

kslatts · 08/06/2007 09:19

I think YABU, my dd's love me or dh to paint their nails, I agree that nail varnish remover isn't great for children so we usually just let it wear off.

Have you ever told their grandad that you don't want them to wear nail varnish.

When my dd's go to visit grandparents I trust them to make decisions on what they do with them and unless it was harming them in some way I would be cool with whatever they choose.

boomie · 08/06/2007 09:30

Well my DDs (5 & 2) love nail varnish and regularly have it on their finger nails and toe nails. They also love putting it on and my DH just as regularly has his nails painted. What is the problem??

boomie · 08/06/2007 09:31

DH has his nails painted by DDs OBVIOUSLY!!!! He doesn't do it himself LOL

Original poster
inamuckingfuddle · 08/06/2007 09:44

yes I would still be annoyed if the cousin had done it but I wouldn't be surprised by it and would ask her not to do it again, just as I will ask grandad not to do it again too.

Furious is not really how I felt at all, just the word I typed at the time, rather annoyed would have been more accurate, but less emotive

OP posts:
lyrabelacqua · 08/06/2007 10:14

imo, there's a huge difference between a child wearing nail varnish occasionally as part of a fun, dressing up type game, and wearing it every day because they're concerned about their image.
As a one-off, it shouldn't be a problem.

flightattendant · 08/06/2007 10:25

Dunno about nail polish, but DS was partial to wearing a pink tutu for a while last year (3yo)

With green face paint on.

He looked wicked

chopchopbusybusy · 08/06/2007 10:35

My DDs loved a bit of nail varnish when they were pre school age. Not sure where they got the idea from as I never wear it (and to my knowledge neither does my DH. They have never been much interested in make up - although I do wear it about twice a week. They are now 13 and 10 and show no interest in make up at all. I suspect if I had tut tutted about the nail varnish when they were smaller and banned it's use completely my 13 year old would now be putting on the slap with a trowel!

Chill - they will give you much more to worry about in the future.

pointydog · 08/06/2007 10:35

FUDDLE, GET OUT OF THE SCRUM NOW WHILE YOU STILL CAN!

poor mucking

VoluptuaGoodshag · 08/06/2007 10:50

In the whole great scheme of things I don't think it's worth getting furious about. If it bothers you that much then a light hearted "I think they are a bit young for make-up don't you?" comment would appease. But I don't think venting your anger at their grandad would do any good at all. He sounds like a lovely old man trying to keep his lively grandkids amused. If I can play devil's advocate here ..... if I was the grandad and you were really angry with me about it I'd take the hump and be reluctant to watch them again

ChippyMinton · 08/06/2007 10:55

Only read the OP - can't see the harm. DD has some on now, as a treat because she stopped picking at her nails. At her 3rd birthday party i put nailvarnish and glitter dust on any child who wanted it. Didn't get any complaints, in fact most of them seemed to now exactly how to hold their fingers out and wave them about to dry.

OrmIrian · 08/06/2007 10:55

When we went on a cal-mac ferry when DS#1 was 2 he was fascinated by a lady putting nail varnish on. He got closer and closer and after a while she asked if he wanted some too. So he sat there solemnly while she painted all the nails on his left hand with pale purple stuff. He was so proud of it

Don't see that it is really so terrible.