Why do parents of year 7 children do this?

[GuavaPalava]

So my DS has started secondary school this week. Prior to starting, we of course had parents evening, literature, uniform rules - it was made very clear what was acceptable and what wasn't

I was added to a 'new starters in year 7' FB group for my area a few months back and it's been used to ask the usual questions you may expect - apart from this week. It's all kicked off with the following ..

A parent in a fury as in day 1 she received a call saying her son's hair was not acceptable. Cue obligatory pic and he's got a half shaved head and tramlines

Another parent going mad as he DD had pink hair over the summer which she 'bleached out apart from the back' - she can't believe she's been told it needs to be sorted

And another moaning because she received a call about her DD wearing make up

All saying what you'd expect - it doesn't have any bearing on their ability to learn. And yeah, they're right - I get that

But why would you do this? You know the guidelines as a parent and they're very clear . AIBU to say that, knowing these rules, it's your child you immediately single out in a new school by sending him/her in with tram lines hair, pink hair and make up?

😂😂 I'm on the same group lol I agree that I think the rules are stupid but they are there so should be followed!! I wouldn't want my daughter to get in trouble

Piercings and hair colour have no impact on a pupil being able to learn, or how they behave. However, spending significant time enforcing petty draconian pointless uniform rules makes pupils feel resentful and rebellious. It’s basic developmental psychology, teens have a te fancy to rebel and express themselves, give them some room and they’ll feel acknowledged and listened to, try to squash all individuality out of them and they’ll potentially find worse, more destructive ways to rebel. It’s not rocket science.

ACAS recently released guidelines saying that tattooes etc are no longer considered a hindrance to career progression, and anyone treated badly due to tattooes or piercings would have grounds for a discrimination case. Schools need to get a grip and catch up. There are far bigger things to make a fuss about that hair colours/cuts and nose studs. Some of the uniform policies in schools border on breaching the UN directive on bodilotu autonomy and the rights of the child. Petty little hitlers that enforce stupid rules need to back off.

• bodily autonomy. Ugh!!

I read this post with interest as I've had a discussion with my dd's teacher this morning about uniform (yr2). I think the issue has been raised on MN before, my dd wears navy blue cycling shorts under her dress/skirt. I am actually pro-uniform and am impressed that her school has a progressive approach to its uniform policy in that it is unisex and parents don't have to buy cardigans/jumpers with the school logo but can get royal blue ones from anywhere including supermarkets. The schools' admission code actually states that uniform mustn't be excessively expensive as this can exclude parents from applying to schools and therefore discriminate against them.
So whilst the schools' uniform policy is great from that aspect, but they have told dd off for wearing cycling shorts under her skirt, despite the fact that the only time you can see them is when she is sat on the carpet with her legs crossed. It bothers me that someone is that bothered what my daughter has on under her skirt! If they were visible when she was standing or running around the playground I'd get it and do something about it. They even say they can wear them at playtime when they're doing gymnastics etc, but not allowed them in the classroom. The teacher told me that it was written in the uniform policy that children aren't allowed to wear cycling shorts under their skirts/dresses, but I checked and it doesn't specifically say that. It doesn't say that knickers are part of the uniform either but they don't stop children wearing them.
I am usually rule abiding and cooperative but I cannot get my ahead around this one! With "upskirting" about to be made a criminal offence surely wearing discrete cycling shorts under a skirt is reasonable.

Challenging stupid rules is how progress is made. The concept of “they are the rules, we must follow them” is how we stagnate. Some rules are important, some are there only to enforce conformity. Look for the reasoning behind a rule, if the reasoning is petty or pointless, or even unfair and potentially oppressive, challenge it.

If Emmeline Pankhurst had ‘followed the rules’ none of us would have the right to vote.

The main argument for school uniform is it "creates a level playing field" because children aren't under being bullied for not having expensive branded clothing but it's got so fancy it costs the same as those garments, kids whose parents can't or won't pay for it are then effectively bullied by the teachers for not having it. Doesn't that render the whole thing pointless?

Why is there so much passivity here? I mean, why should we accept that there are rules that we don't really know why they help but they are rules anyway so we should follow them? That is absolutely insane.

It's in year 1 too. I'm a TA and today we had children without book bags because Mummy forgot(what about Dad? ) and children in trainers, children who are off on holiday for the next 2 weeks also. Some parents don't parent like you.

I don't think so Spring. The uniform lasts a couple of years, well the expensive parts hopefully. To find a different outfit every day that is 'cool' would be much more expensive.

SuperSue that's ridiculous. Tell them they are her knickers. They won't go any further.

Tell them that they are oversized girls boxers

The school system is horrendous. Creating generic compliant people who are not allowed an ounce of individuality. It's like automatically assuming somebody with tattoos lacks the ability to do their job....sad times.

move their child oh yes perfectly reasonable, its not as if we have a shortage of school places at all .
I think some school rules are unreasonable, the working world has moved on but schools havent. You have a choice to take a job or not depending on rules/ uniform policies but the majority of schools have rules about bloody hair. It does not affect a childs learning, it isn't a way of shoeing you have more (as per uniforms) so why jave them. I do think unreasonable rules should be challenged and i have done so at work previously rwgatding wkmen having to wear heele shoes as part of the policy.
You know the rules but you dont have a chpice whether to accept them or not and i think in this day and age its not appropriate especially when seemingly teachers can cake on make uo, wear short skirts, have shaved and coloured hair.

Before anyone comments i have 4 dc and have never had any issue with schools as make up, coloured hair or footballer style hair isnt my ds's thing.

The idea that schools without uniforms are some sort of personal expression free for all is quite confusing for me. I went to several schools without uniforms since I grew up in the US - they all had dress codes and they all had kids sent to the principal's office or had their parents called or had detention over breaking the dress codes. Even the most lenient school which had no issues with any hair or hats (I was so happy after years of schools and trouble for hats), visible tattoos, or much beyond basic decency had people who pushed that.

While I agree some are ridiculous, the idea that being lenient will somehow make things better for kids (first school I went to had parents who bleached their kids hair at 4-5, I was one of them...that wasn't any of our 'personalities') or that it removes people's desire to make an identity to rebel against any sort of dress code just doesn't hold water to me.

Education is a privledge. Don’t like the rules, don’t go to the school! Set up your own free school for kids that colour their hair etc. Maybe you should leave the group and say it’s not really what you joined up for to slag off the staff, you joined to get information not give an opinion.

I don't understand why people get so wound up about school, it's not that important.

I've never previously heard a good reason in favour of school uniform.

I've not seen any on this thread either.

I think the rules are petty and often pointless that said I don't think I'd bother kicking up a fuss. If I did plan to kick up a fuss I'd do so when I first heard about the rule. I wouldn't just ignore the rule then act affronted when the rule I already new about was applied.

Education is a privledge. Don’t like the rules, don’t go to the school! Set up your own free school for kids that colour their hair etc.

This is just silly and you know it. I wouldn't act as these parents have and I always have respect for my DC's teachers but most people can't set up their own school. They don't have the knowledge or funding that doesn't mean they can't object to any aspect of their child's current school.

Mine are at a church school, you need "church" points to get in. They are very clear about having to study RE and they have chapel once per term.

People moan about this???? They had to jump through hoops to get DC in there... madness!

In a similar vain @RandomMess people who chose private education at a particular school then complain about the rules and Saturday commitments

I've never previously heard a good reason in favour of school uniform.
I've heard some good points for and against. Consequently don't mind either way and don't have strong feelings about it.

What I do have strong feelings about is the hysterical frothing about dictators, strangling any free thought, blind obedience, trying to create robots, breaks UN human rights, blah blah blah. It just makes me roll my eyes and want to hand some grips out.

Probably the same people who also think isolation rooms are a barbaric torture chamber where children are subjected to sensory deprivation and have their human rights ignored when the reality is it's a classroom with individual desks and students are expected to study in silence.

Places have rules. We won't always like them. Sometimes you've just got to follow them. Raise any challenges appropriately if needed. People shouldn't try to dress defiance up as some semi intellectual battle against 'the man' or pass on tjeir own emotional baggage to their kids because they've still not got over the fact someone told them to tuck their shirt in aged 14.

Places have rules. We won't always like them. Sometimes you've just got to follow them. Raise any challenges appropriately if needed. People shouldn't try to dress defiance up as some semi intellectual battle against 'the man' or pass on tjeir own emotional baggage to their kids because they've still not got over the fact someone told them to tuck their shirt in aged 14. oh great, a teacher worshipper.

Wouldn't you just love to have the luxury of having a choice of schools - to be able to decide on the school on the basis of things like school uniform alone with no worries about the quality of teaching or the availability of places.

I am an Army Brat for the first 8 years of my school life I was called by my surname, I know that in life, no matter what you do, there are rules to be followed, and no I don’t have unfinished business, or have something to prove. All 5 of my children have gone through the same nursery, the same infant, junior and secondary school, two of them are now out of the education system, and have very fulfilled lives/ careers. One of my children has just left secondary school and is due to start at college on Monday. Not one of my children is a reprobate, they have been brought up the same way I was, firm but fair, they have good core values, but like other kids they can be little sods! They have pushed boundaries, been punished when necessary,. I have had lots of involvement with the schools, especially with my third child who has quite specific special needs due to his disabilities. I think when I came to England and went to a ‘normal’ school, where people used my first name for the first time in my educational lifetime, I rebelled a little but it certainly didn’t mean that I was some scum, lowlife in society.