Why do parents of year 7 children do this?

[GuavaPalava]

So my DS has started secondary school this week. Prior to starting, we of course had parents evening, literature, uniform rules - it was made very clear what was acceptable and what wasn't

I was added to a 'new starters in year 7' FB group for my area a few months back and it's been used to ask the usual questions you may expect - apart from this week. It's all kicked off with the following ..

A parent in a fury as in day 1 she received a call saying her son's hair was not acceptable. Cue obligatory pic and he's got a half shaved head and tramlines

Another parent going mad as he DD had pink hair over the summer which she 'bleached out apart from the back' - she can't believe she's been told it needs to be sorted

And another moaning because she received a call about her DD wearing make up

All saying what you'd expect - it doesn't have any bearing on their ability to learn. And yeah, they're right - I get that

But why would you do this? You know the guidelines as a parent and they're very clear . AIBU to say that, knowing these rules, it's your child you immediately single out in a new school by sending him/her in with tram lines hair, pink hair and make up?

I think it is a shame schools won't allow children to be individuals. They already have to wear identical uniforms, but they don't surley have to have identical hair styles etc?

That said I am a believer in sticking to the rules, so I say parents should feel free to discuss them with the school and explore whether the school would ever consider changing the policy, but in the interim stick to the current bloody rules!!!! If you are going to send your dc there then at the end of the day you have to follow their rules. I really do feel so sorry for teachers.

Super I remember as a kid in primary having a comment from a girl in my class which was "you always wear that," when it was mufti again. That stayed with me.

I would find it horrible and far more expensive to buy my kids clothes for everyday at school where it didn't just look like they wore the same few outfits!

Um... Does it matter how the child's hair is? They still deserve an education despite the colour/style of the hair that grows out of their head, don't they? YAB massively U.

Have you bothered to actually read the thread Scurfy? Or even tried to understand anything then discussed? No, clearly you haven't

My DD has just started secondary school and they are very strict with uniform. It was a bit of a nightmare getting some of the stuff and I was a bit peeved that we had to buy a specifc pair of black trousers and skirt from an independant online store at a high price specially as they have no logo or anything so could buy the same thing cheaper elsewhere, plus the fit isn't great but we have to make do. I agree to strict uniform to a point but think this school has gone a bit overboard.
That being said we have followed the rules and had no intention not too, why would you put your child through that? Me and my daughter have had a bit of a moan about it but she understands the importance of following the rules. These type of parents are not doing their kids any favours are they.
DD's school is one of the best in the borough and she is lucky to be there.

To add my DS started at a new secondary school last year, it had only just opened and was still within its first year when we applied. There was no uniform as it was supposed to be a more relaxed environment and more like the workplace.
Well that lasted a yr when my son started they scrapped that idea and introduced a uniform! They did this because they had so many problems with the kids being late every morning because they couldn't decide what to wear and a lot of anxieties with the kids. They also had consistent rule breaking (all they asked was common sense,no completely ripped style jeans, crop tops that sort of thing). My son was furious they introduced uniform just as he.started but I'm actually glad they did. It is only a polo top and jeans mind.

I had issues similar to this when I was at school, I am a dinosaur, I left school in 1987! I once went to school with pink hair, and blue mascara on, was told to go home and come back when I looked “normal” I went back to school the next day, and argued my point with the head! A teacher told my younger sister that her winter coat wasn’t appropriate, it was pink, but again in the 80’s bright colours were fashionable. So I told her form tutor, that until she provided for my sister she had no right to say her coat, that went into a cloakroom until the end of the day, was not appropriate! I think it is a bit ridiculous to expect boys to have a short back and sides hair cut, rather than express themselves, or girls to wear a little mascara and lipgloss, in my kids school there are 900+ pupils, all in the same uniform, looking exactly the same, what difference a hair cut or make up makes to a child’s education is beyond me. The school rules at this local comprehensive regarding hair cuts/ styles, and the minimal make up have not changed since the 80’s, thank fully fashion has!

I was at high school in the 80's - the rules re hair/make up/jewellery/uniforms were pretty much exactly them same then, only the parents didn't have FB groups to moan on.

I agree that it’s not right especially in year 7 pupils , however as they go further up the school it’s harder to reason with them , I take the view that the school sets the rules so the school deals with rule breakers . I do all I can to provide the correct uniform but I can’t do a lot of my teen at 15 wears make up to school or has their head shaved . I’m not saying I don’t try but there comes a point when they have to learn about consequences. . I will totally support the school though in any consequences.

Because their children are special snowflakes and should be allowed to be different.

Dd came home today saying she had to get new school trousers as hers weren't suitable for school.

Have just emailed her head of year asking precisely what the problem is with them as she wore them last year and they were fine to wear
I'm all for following the rules BUT I do think some are ott e.g. hair etc
The one thing that you don't need school logo on is pe kit.
I'm pissed off with sending £30 for something that's worn twice a week for 50 mins

Is there an intrinsic value to knowing how to follow rules?

It really doesn't matter that some of you think that 'strict uniform policies' are 'a waste of time' and 'it doesn't stop them from learning'! The point is that they are the rules, we all have to follow them throughout our entire lives whether you like them or not. Uniform in the workplace (or some form of dress code), being on time for appointments, paying your mortgage-bills-taxes on time, sticking to speed limits...I could go on and on (but I won't). If you can't ensure your 'little angels' follow the basic rules at school then what hope is there for them to follow the rules in their adult lives. When did we get to the point that we feel so entitled and think that the rules don't apply to us? As its been said before, if you don't like the rules then send them to a different school, then all the local reprebates can be grouped together in one place and leave everyone else to get on with their education

Rather: is there intrinsic value in following a rule just because it's a rule, rather than seeing and understanding and appreciating the good that comes from following a particular rule?

Parents often cite discipline as the number one issue for going to a particular secondary school, and then scream like a bat when their child is, er, disciplined. Because their precious offspring would NEVER misbehave ever.

iceolation [weeps in despair]

Yes, it's always these sort of parents who want their Kayden-Jae to buck the trend when it comes to school uniform/what's in their packed lunch. Such a shame that they don't ever encourage Jayden-Kae to buck the trend by actually getting good GCSE results and aspiring to a Russell Group university. Funny that.

Or maybe, we could teach our children that our society isn't set in stone. It isn't just the way it is, it's evolved and changed over millennia, and we can change it and make it into something better, where arbitrary rules don't exist, and important ones do. And perhaps we could teach them the difference between the two.

PrivateDoor
You make perfect sense.

If anyone has issues with rules or wishes to discuss them then they can and should be able to.
Amusingly, the types who encourage defiance are almost never the ones who'd raise things reasonably. They're the ones who are fuming their darling has been pulled up.

There is evidence that psychologically it is beneficial to "conform to a group identity" This is what uniforms do. Army, navy, brownies, pony club, athletics clubs. Etc Schools want to nurture a " belonging" and subsequent loyalty to a group. There is no merit to being out of step or a rebel. It is cruel if parents to place their child as an outsider.

Because some parents seem to live in a bubble. We had one last year who'd sat through the induction evening where it was explained that 'if a child has pierced ears, the earrings must be removed for PE', went on to let her DD have her ears pierced for her birthday ... the day before sports day and 3 days before they had 6 weeks off, then kicked off when her DD wasn't allowed to take part in sports day.

This is the same parent who is flying back from holiday at her parent's villa today, despite school starting on Wednesday. Could have gone earlier and been back on time, but simply chose not to.

As a secondary school teacher I often found that parents who kick off about uniform/hair rules often had issues with school from their own teenage years. It seems like they have unfinished business & have something to prove. Not surprising that parents who constantly criticise the school & don’t follow the rules often have children who don’t fulfill their true ability. In short either follow the school rules or leave & find another school.

Very true HoobleDooble these sort of parents never arrange a meeting with the Head Teacher where they raise their concerns in a polite and measured way. Instead they much favour a lot of blustery, ungrammatical grand-standing on social media, or button holing some poor teacher in passing and giving them a mouthful of a abuse.

You just know the kind of parents who do this and think it’s okay. It’s a class / socio economic thing. I live near an area where lots of women have purple/red hair rinses. Every time, I think why??? Are they part of a secret society and it just doesn’t matter how skanky it looks?

It's a shame that chav is a noun rather than a verb.

Some people feel that rules have exceptions that should apply to them and/or their children. Not just the examples shown, but those who park on yellow lines, for example.