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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DD boyfriend is on the sex offenders register

619 replies

Brighton5555 · 05/09/2018 21:24

Just the title makes me feel sick.

My daughter is 16 and never had a boyfriend before. She met a young lad three months ago and told me he was 17. I was shocked because she kept him secret for the first month or so and she’s never had a boyfriend before.

I say shocked because it’s so not like her to keep things to herself but I do underdatand as her mother she’s not going to share every little detail of her life.

She had been seeing him a month when she told me about him. Then I find out he’s not 17 he’s 19. Then I find out this about him and I need advice.

She told me he is on the sex offenders register for 7 YEARS and he also has to visit a probation officer once a week during this time. She told me which is the story he told her that -

At college he got into a fight and hit someone ( I know it sounds like it’s getting worse ) and during the police investigation they searched his mobile phone where he states he had a couple of naked photos of his 17 year old girlfriend at the time. Due to her age ( I didn’t know 17 was classed as a minor ) and even though the girl agreed she sent them with her consent this is the reason my daughter tells me he is on the sec offenders register. I think she said something along the lines of a indecent image of a minor.

Something about this story just doesn’t make sense to me. I have all his details and am planning to go to my police station and just tell them what I have been told and that I’m really worried about the whole thing / is this young man a danger to children? My daughter ? Just because he says this is the reason doesn’t mean it is true.

They have been together 3 months now and this has only just come out. As much as she reassures me about the photos of a ex girlfriend and her being 17 and it ‘ not being that bad ‘ my gut tells me I think there is more to it.

Will the police think I’m overreacting?
Will they be able to at least warn me if he is considered a danger ?

I feel sick

OP posts:
SpiritedLondon · 12/09/2018 07:57

Blimey Amy how many times? He wasn’t on the register for DATING a 17 year old - he was on for apparently possession of indecent images of a child ( from what he has said).

NotTakenUsername · 12/09/2018 07:57

Whether the law calls you a sexual offender or doesn't actually make you one !

That’s exactly what makes you a sexual offender. Confused The law.

Amy1996 · 12/09/2018 07:57

@SpiritedLondon I really don't give a shit what the law calls you this is my point the law can call you sexual offender for having a gf a year younger than you but that doesn't mean your a sexual offender! It's bang out of order calling someone a sexual offender for having a 17 year old gf.

MaisyPops · 12/09/2018 07:58

ChocolateWombat
I agree.
In law explicit images of a 17 year old is against the law.
It's unlikely to go to conviction though if it looks like there was consent etc.

The likelihood is that it was much more than than images of a 17 year old and he's minimised so he can get in the pants of a 16 year old child.

But of course we could all be wrong because Amy thinks it's normal and fine for adults to want to sleep with 15 year old children.

Amy1996 · 12/09/2018 07:58

@NotTakenUsername exactly the law calls you one but we all know it's not right.

NotTakenUsername · 12/09/2018 07:58

It's bang out of order calling someone a sexual offender for having a 17 year old gf.

That’s not why he’s on the register...

Amy1996 · 12/09/2018 07:58

@SpiritedLondon he was 18 and had pictures of a 17 year old ? Are you reading the thread

Amy1996 · 12/09/2018 07:59

@NotTakenUsername yes he had pictures of his 17 year old gf, pictures that she sent him. That well makes him a sexual offender. Bunch of idiots

NotTakenUsername · 12/09/2018 07:59

we all know it's not right.

You’re so silly. I assume you are now 22, but you are still acting like that petulant 15yo rebelling with her predator boyfriend.

SleightOfMind · 12/09/2018 08:00

Have the police been able to give you any information Brighton?

You’ve been a great role model to your DD during this - calmly getting the facts rather than panicking and demanding she stops seeing this boy.

If he has lied and minimised his crimes, she’ll feel that you and her discovered it together and be more likely to listen to you.

Amy1996 · 12/09/2018 08:01

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

LIVIA999 · 12/09/2018 08:02

No one said that is what happened. The OP didn't come to debate the law she came to ask for help regarding her child dating an adult that admitted to being on the sex offfenders register. She then asked for disclosure to find out the nature of his crime.
I'm sure when that is disclosed to her and her child they can discuss and decide the best way to deal with the next steps.

Amy1996 · 12/09/2018 08:03

@LIVIA999 read through all the comments she defiantly did say that is what happened

NotTakenUsername · 12/09/2018 08:03

I don't give a shit what the law says

Aren’t you just a little dream citizen! Shock

user1488488748 · 12/09/2018 08:05

Wow Amy, you seem to have taken this all rather personally.

Amy1996 · 12/09/2018 08:06

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Strawbe · 12/09/2018 08:06

Amy does it not occur to you that he could have lied to OPs DD? As several PPs have suggested, it sounds like it could be more serious that he's let on... I think OP has done exactly the right thing

LIVIA999 · 12/09/2018 08:08

I don't understand you logic. If you had a child and you found out it's partner was on the sex offenders register you wouldn't want to find out why and make sure it was for what they claimed it was for? He claimed it was for having pictures of a 17 year old on his phone and being as he is still on the register 7 years later she doubted the validity of this claim?

NotTakenUsername · 12/09/2018 08:11

Amy1996 No, as I previously stated (sarcastically) you sound like a dreamy little citizen and you’d be great on one of those car crash daytime tv judge shows.

“But, but, but... I don’t give a shit what the law says...”

Classic. And classy. Wink

Amy1996 · 12/09/2018 08:12

I hope you lot never have a son because of he has a gf so much as 1 day younger than him and he has pictures of her he will be a sex offender for 7 years over something that clearly isn't an offense. Yeah I would be concerned but I would also give him a chance because I know the law is unfair in these type of situations. I hope she gives us a follow up on the story

LIVIA999 · 12/09/2018 08:13

She wants confirmation that it is what he said it was.
What if the OP finds out that it was a 13 year old he had naked pics on his phone of?

Amy1996 · 12/09/2018 08:14

@NotTakenUsername your obviously too old to remember what it's like being a teenager. I hope one day you see how easy it is to be register a sex offender when you've done nothing wrong.

Strawbe · 12/09/2018 08:18

Amy - playing devils advocate, what if it is a lot more serious than he's described? Would you take that risk with your own child? I know I wouldn't

Rinoachicken · 12/09/2018 08:18

@Amy1996 did you miss the bit where the bf admitted hat some of the images included beastiality??!!

Grow up, educate yourself and stop behaving like a petulant child. NOONE is required to check in with their probation officer WEEKLY and put on the SO register for 7 YEARS for photos of their gf.

There is more too it that he is not saying and the OP is being a responsible parent in doing what she can to safeguard her child. Thankfully, the law now allows her to have access to this information. Not so long ago she would have been left in the dark and her daughter left in potential danger.

LuluBellaBlue · 12/09/2018 08:21

Any news OP?