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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DD boyfriend is on the sex offenders register

619 replies

Brighton5555 · 05/09/2018 21:24

Just the title makes me feel sick.

My daughter is 16 and never had a boyfriend before. She met a young lad three months ago and told me he was 17. I was shocked because she kept him secret for the first month or so and she’s never had a boyfriend before.

I say shocked because it’s so not like her to keep things to herself but I do underdatand as her mother she’s not going to share every little detail of her life.

She had been seeing him a month when she told me about him. Then I find out he’s not 17 he’s 19. Then I find out this about him and I need advice.

She told me he is on the sex offenders register for 7 YEARS and he also has to visit a probation officer once a week during this time. She told me which is the story he told her that -

At college he got into a fight and hit someone ( I know it sounds like it’s getting worse ) and during the police investigation they searched his mobile phone where he states he had a couple of naked photos of his 17 year old girlfriend at the time. Due to her age ( I didn’t know 17 was classed as a minor ) and even though the girl agreed she sent them with her consent this is the reason my daughter tells me he is on the sec offenders register. I think she said something along the lines of a indecent image of a minor.

Something about this story just doesn’t make sense to me. I have all his details and am planning to go to my police station and just tell them what I have been told and that I’m really worried about the whole thing / is this young man a danger to children? My daughter ? Just because he says this is the reason doesn’t mean it is true.

They have been together 3 months now and this has only just come out. As much as she reassures me about the photos of a ex girlfriend and her being 17 and it ‘ not being that bad ‘ my gut tells me I think there is more to it.

Will the police think I’m overreacting?
Will they be able to at least warn me if he is considered a danger ?

I feel sick

OP posts:
Meowstro · 10/09/2018 22:28

I think FilledSoda is right. The severity of his crime(s) is only necessary to know how quickly to get your daughter away from this person but you do know enough already.

BastardGoDarkly · 11/09/2018 08:25

This is a nightmare op.

I really hope she sees sense and leaves him.

Flowers for you, you're doing great.

whymewhyme · 11/09/2018 09:02

Looks like OP won't be back, if your reading this I hope you daughter is ok!

wowfudge · 11/09/2018 09:46

I think a lot of people requesting an update from the OP probably want to know what the man was actually convicted of. Whatever it was, I hope the OP's daughter is no longer seeing him.

Aimarge · 11/09/2018 12:52

Hope your DD comes to her senses when the true information comes out Flowers

BelladonnaKebab · 11/09/2018 14:42

Hope you and your DD are ok OP. Have been thinking about you. Flowers

Amy1996 · 12/09/2018 00:33

If I were you I would leave it. Let's be honest him being 18 and his ex being 17 should not of put him on the sex offends list how the hell does that make him a peado that's so unfair imagine if that was your son !! Stay out of it unless you have a reason to get involved & give the boy a chance to prove himself

EleanorRoseM · 12/09/2018 05:45

Amy1996 You are very naive.

Changedforpost · 12/09/2018 06:20

Your an amazing mum.... you really are. X

Amy1996 · 12/09/2018 07:08

@EleanorRoseM I'm not naive at all. She's 16 years old, I'm surprised the daughter told her at all that's he's on the register but she's been honest and now her bf is probably going to get in trouble for nothing. I know full well people can get out on the sex offenders for things that aren't sexual offevncies and it's wrong! He's not doing anything wrong to the girl so why does everyone jump the gun ask act like he's a serial killer. He's probably embarrassed it's a sensitive subject.

Amy1996 · 12/09/2018 07:10

Why would you go to the police when someone has currently done nothing wrong to you or your daughter !!

LIVIA999 · 12/09/2018 07:16

He's not going to get into trouble. The nature of his crime will be disclosed if it's relevant and hopefully protect a young adult if needed, a 16 year old.

LIVIA999 · 12/09/2018 07:17

Sorry a 17 year old- but still a child.

insertimaginativeusername · 12/09/2018 07:27

What offences make you a registered sex offender that isn't a sexual offence Amy?

Amy1996 · 12/09/2018 07:44

What he claims happened isn't a sexual offense so there you go ? Having pictures of a 17 year old on your phone when your 18 isn't a sexual offense. Are you not reading the story ?

NotTakenUsername · 12/09/2018 07:46

Having pictures of a 17 year old on your phone when your 18 isn't a sexual offense.

MaisyPops · 12/09/2018 07:47

Having pictures of a 17 year old on your phone when your 18 isn't a sexual offense.
It's an explicit image of a minor.

I'm torn between naive and goady on this one.

People don't just randomly get put on the sex offenders register. Confused

Amy1996 · 12/09/2018 07:49

When I was 15 my Bf was 18 that technically makes him a sex offender and he could of been put on the register. Was he a sex offender ? NO he bloody wasn't the law is pathetic and scary for teenage males they can get put on the register over something clearly not a sexual offense it's completely unfair !

Powerless · 12/09/2018 07:50

@Amy1996 Has it not occurred to you that his story of what happened - didn't happen?! That he might be lying?!?!?!

You do not get put on the SOR for having a naughty pic of your 17yr old ex girlfriend!

NotTakenUsername · 12/09/2018 07:51

Ah, ok.
So it’s the law according to Amy. Back in the real world, this bf is a sex offender.

And, if you were sexually activate with him, so was your boyfriend.

Powerless · 12/09/2018 07:51

@Amy1996 But WHY would an 18yr old adult date a 15yr old CHILD?!?!?

SpiritedLondon · 12/09/2018 07:51

Amy - it’s probably been said about 30 times on this thread. Possession of indecent images of a child is an offence for which you can be charged, convicted and placed on the Sexual offenders register. You might not feel that 17 year olds are children but the law does not agree with you. The only way the OP is going to get the boyfriend in trouble is if he has restrictions not to have contact with children. Given the OPs daughter is 16 I think we can see why she might be concerned.

Amy1996 · 12/09/2018 07:52

@MaisyPops so you think that makes him a sexual offender? How can you even say that's fair ? He was 18 his gf was 17 it could of been a couple of months different in age for all you know. Imagine that was your son getting called a sexual offender for having a gf a year younger than him. Your very naive believing that someone on the register is on there for an actual offense

mintich · 12/09/2018 07:52

People who have appeared in court don't always appear on Google. I was a witness on a case, and when I Google his name nothing comes up yet I know he was convicted!

Amy1996 · 12/09/2018 07:54

@Powerless what 18 year old acts like an adult ? He was 17 when we met and I was 15 when he turned 18 I was still 15 but soon turned 16. How does 2 years of age difference make someone a sexual offender, I'm actually shocked you think that's ethical ! Loads of kids in school date people 2 years above. Whether the law calls you a sexual offender or doesn't actually make you one !