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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DD boyfriend is on the sex offenders register

619 replies

Brighton5555 · 05/09/2018 21:24

Just the title makes me feel sick.

My daughter is 16 and never had a boyfriend before. She met a young lad three months ago and told me he was 17. I was shocked because she kept him secret for the first month or so and she’s never had a boyfriend before.

I say shocked because it’s so not like her to keep things to herself but I do underdatand as her mother she’s not going to share every little detail of her life.

She had been seeing him a month when she told me about him. Then I find out he’s not 17 he’s 19. Then I find out this about him and I need advice.

She told me he is on the sex offenders register for 7 YEARS and he also has to visit a probation officer once a week during this time. She told me which is the story he told her that -

At college he got into a fight and hit someone ( I know it sounds like it’s getting worse ) and during the police investigation they searched his mobile phone where he states he had a couple of naked photos of his 17 year old girlfriend at the time. Due to her age ( I didn’t know 17 was classed as a minor ) and even though the girl agreed she sent them with her consent this is the reason my daughter tells me he is on the sec offenders register. I think she said something along the lines of a indecent image of a minor.

Something about this story just doesn’t make sense to me. I have all his details and am planning to go to my police station and just tell them what I have been told and that I’m really worried about the whole thing / is this young man a danger to children? My daughter ? Just because he says this is the reason doesn’t mean it is true.

They have been together 3 months now and this has only just come out. As much as she reassures me about the photos of a ex girlfriend and her being 17 and it ‘ not being that bad ‘ my gut tells me I think there is more to it.

Will the police think I’m overreacting?
Will they be able to at least warn me if he is considered a danger ?

I feel sick

OP posts:
wowfudge · 09/09/2018 08:12

The OP was told she should have a response in 24 hours. She's probably dealing with the fallout from that with her daughter rather than updating this thread for the benefit of people who aren't involved.

insertimaginativeusername · 09/09/2018 08:14

@wowfudge police have 24 hours to complete the face to face application, not to make a disclosure decision.

simplepimple · 09/09/2018 08:19

Whilst not directly commenting on the OP's situation - which she has taken steps to resolve it's important to realise that not everyone on the sex offenders register is a paedophile ~ and whilst the majority of offenders will be guilty there will be some who shouldn't have been put on in the first place.
So many people here talking about a totally fabricated extension to the story of what they believe is happening ~ which is how miscarriages of justice happen in the first place.
OP - sounds like you are doing the right thing and hope you and your DD get the answers you need to make your decisions. Flowers

Dogwalks2 · 09/09/2018 08:22

Make sure you keep your daughter communicating with you, if this is her first boyfriend she will feel deeply in Love, it will be a very sad time for her if the truth is different from his story.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 09/09/2018 08:23

Thinking of you OP, hoping that the outcome is much better than anticipated. You poor thing, your head must be in bits.💐

Deathgrip · 09/09/2018 08:28

Whilst not directly commenting on the OP's situation - which she has taken steps to resolve it's important to realise that not everyone on the sex offenders register is a paedophile ~ and whilst the majority of offenders will be guilty there will be some who shouldn't have been put on in the first place.
So many people here talking about a totally fabricated extension to the story of what they believe is happening ~ which is how miscarriages of justice happen in the first place.

Man not convicted of a sexual offence: “he wasn’t convicted so he must be innocent”

Man on SOR convicted of sexual offence: “we should give him the benefit of the doubt”

What do men actually have to do for us to be allowed to fear them, I wonder? The overwhelming majority of sex offenders do not end up with a conviction or on the SOR, FFS.

C0untDucku1a · 09/09/2018 08:37

What deathgrip said. In spades.

Cagliostro · 09/09/2018 08:51

So sorry about this OP. I hope the police have got back to you. And that DD sees sense.

proudbrows · 09/09/2018 09:09

Have the police got back to you yet OP?

lemmein · 09/09/2018 09:52

I haven't read the whole thread but I really feel for you OP.

My daughter was in a relationship with a sex offender when she was 16 (he was 19). He told her his ex had accused him of rape and although he escaped the rape charge he was prosecuted for having sex with a minor.

The police would only tell me about his conviction if I signed some sort of confidentiality agreement which I refused to do.

I later found his victims mother on FB and reluctantly contacted her. She told me that both her daughter and another young girl had reported him for rape, the other girl sustained injuries during the attack. He was found not guilty of both rapes but guilty of having sex with someone underage.

This started the worst two years of my family's life. He stole the beautiful daughter I loved and replaced her with someone I didn't recognise. He was violent towards her, raped her on many occasions. Despite everything he did she insisted she loved him and would not leave him -even though he'd abused her, she still didn't believe the other girls Confused

I later found out that 8 girls in total had accused him of varying degrees of sexual assault - it's probably far more now.

Please get help early for your daughter OP, please don't try to handle this on your own - I did, and it led to a complete breakdown of mine and my daughters relationship. She finally left him but god, I'd rather go through ANYTHING but that again, horrendous. It doesn't bode well that she's kept the relationship a secret from you. I know the police contacted my daughter (before I knew about him) and told her he was on the SO register. I believe the police in some ways unwittingly helped him to groom my daughter, obviously they could only disclose his ACTUAL conviction, not how many times he had been accused - it minimised what a monster he actually was.

Good luck OP. Maybe contact women's aid for advice of how to deal with this before it escalates Thanks

MeDented · 09/09/2018 11:05

Well done OP I think you have handled this really well, I hope your daughter is safe and keeps talking to you

bellabasset · 09/09/2018 19:09

I am pleased that your dd is able to be open with you as that is at least giving you the opportunity to check his background and teach her how to protect herself from future heartbreak.

I think the sentencing guidelines and offences changed in Feb 2016 for offences committed after April 2014. With the growth of social media, smart phones and the facility to take photos there are new offences.

Powerless · 09/09/2018 19:49

Everything ok OP? @Brighton5555 ThanksThanksThanks

Chocolatefudgecake100 · 10/09/2018 05:30

I hope to god this isnt as bad as i suspect

overnightangel · 10/09/2018 05:39

Hope all is ok OP

smudgedlipstick · 10/09/2018 15:47

Did you get a response? Hope your situation resolved itself

FannyFifer · 10/09/2018 15:54

Hope you have got some answers.

inmyshoos · 10/09/2018 17:52

Have you got any further op? Hope you are holding up ok.

elfies · 10/09/2018 18:20

Whichever way things go ,I wish you and your daughter all the best . You must be proud of her for trusting you.
Hugs and best wishes

someonekillbabyshark · 10/09/2018 20:26

Any updates ?v

UnicornSparkles1 · 10/09/2018 20:38

Hope everything is okay and that whatever the outcome your daughter is safe x

Mummysharkdoodoodoo · 10/09/2018 20:45

Following

Gemini69 · 10/09/2018 20:53

any news ?

FilledSoda · 10/09/2018 21:03

Regardless of what information you get you already know enough to convince your daughter to cut all ties .

Zcarter · 10/09/2018 22:24

Hope you got the info you needed

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