Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD boyfriend is on the sex offenders register

619 replies

Brighton5555 · 05/09/2018 21:24

Just the title makes me feel sick.

My daughter is 16 and never had a boyfriend before. She met a young lad three months ago and told me he was 17. I was shocked because she kept him secret for the first month or so and she’s never had a boyfriend before.

I say shocked because it’s so not like her to keep things to herself but I do underdatand as her mother she’s not going to share every little detail of her life.

She had been seeing him a month when she told me about him. Then I find out he’s not 17 he’s 19. Then I find out this about him and I need advice.

She told me he is on the sex offenders register for 7 YEARS and he also has to visit a probation officer once a week during this time. She told me which is the story he told her that -

At college he got into a fight and hit someone ( I know it sounds like it’s getting worse ) and during the police investigation they searched his mobile phone where he states he had a couple of naked photos of his 17 year old girlfriend at the time. Due to her age ( I didn’t know 17 was classed as a minor ) and even though the girl agreed she sent them with her consent this is the reason my daughter tells me he is on the sec offenders register. I think she said something along the lines of a indecent image of a minor.

Something about this story just doesn’t make sense to me. I have all his details and am planning to go to my police station and just tell them what I have been told and that I’m really worried about the whole thing / is this young man a danger to children? My daughter ? Just because he says this is the reason doesn’t mean it is true.

They have been together 3 months now and this has only just come out. As much as she reassures me about the photos of a ex girlfriend and her being 17 and it ‘ not being that bad ‘ my gut tells me I think there is more to it.

Will the police think I’m overreacting?
Will they be able to at least warn me if he is considered a danger ?

I feel sick

OP posts:
penisbeakers · 08/09/2018 07:39

Go to the police. Now.

GoatYoga · 08/09/2018 08:59

penisbeakers I think you’ll find the OP has already done that.

Jenwen22 · 08/09/2018 09:31

How are you today OP? Any further news.

Agree with previous posters, there will be more too it. As proven by the updates your daughter has slowly given you.

Sending you Flowersnd Wine. Thinking of you xx

Maraudersmap1 · 08/09/2018 09:53

Hope your daughter is ok. Sounds like you have an otherwise good relationship and that you are trying to give her a good explanation for what you are doing which she will understand. Even if she's upset everything you are doing is in her best interests. My gut instinct is that there's so much more to it as it sounds far too fishy to be true. Also if he's broken down in tears he already likely knows the outcome. Have you any other relatives that might be able to help her see sense? Hope all is ok OP 💐

Labradoodliedoodoo · 08/09/2018 10:00

She’s lucky to have you!

wooster16 · 08/09/2018 16:48

How did it go?

mzterry · 09/09/2018 03:18

he's lied about his age. he's on the SO register. Your daughter is sixteen. You are so right to be worried.

Probation services in this country are so stretched right now, that a low level sex offender (just somebody looking at images) would NOT (imho) be seeing a probation officer weekly. Nor would a recently released from prison offender who was not deemed to be a risk to the public, and a 'minor' assault charge on a young man to another young man while at uni wouldn't be enough for him to be monitored in this way by the probation service: that just doesn't happen, these days: they haven't got the resources.

I reckon he's been dealing with MAPPA, (a division of the home office, an acronym that stands for- multi agency public protection agency) and if that is the case, then MAPPA teams are currently ONLY meeting weekly with the worst offenders (serial rapists, child murderers, wife killers, etc).

That the authorities have already taken his xbox and computers away in a pervious encounter terrifies me, as it suggests to me that he MAY be breaching conditions of an SHPO (sexual harm prevention order) order he has previously been given by the courts: sex offenders and 'child porn' makers/distributors and those who groom children online often have conditions attached to their sentencing, such as 'no use of mobile phones, no internet access for two years, no unsupervised contact with children' etc.

That he seems to have changed his name, and that he has no social media profile suggests to me that he might be a very dangerous offender.

The Home Office can grant new identities to certain criminals: it's what they did for the killers of three year old James Bulger, for instance, but only usually if the offenders were children at the time of offending, as in the Bulger case.

I would have suggested you go directly to the police station and tell the desk sergeant, who will dive on it like it's his sunday roast and who will alert everybody relevant, but you've already done what you needed to do: well done.

Hope you get some decent answers in the next few days x

Wingedharpy · 09/09/2018 04:13

Just a thought, could it be that the police checked his phone etc as the fight with the other male student was about the pictures your daughter's boyfriend had?
Was his ex (the person whose illegal photo he had), now the girlfriend of the student he fought with?
I can see that if police were involved in the assault case, the individual who was assaulted would disclose this info regarding the photo(s), and things would snowball from there.

RebootYourEngine · 09/09/2018 05:22

Hope you get the answers that you need.

Beaverhausen · 09/09/2018 07:10

Had a chat with a friend who is currently a serving police officer and she has said that it must be something far more sinister going by the fact that he is on probation, has changed his name and the duration of registration on the SO register.

She has also advised OP that you need to find out his real name.

She says that these steps seem a bit extreme for a BF having photos of his 17 year old gf on his phone.

FruitCider · 09/09/2018 07:19

Hi Brighton, I'm a prison nurse and I'm in awe at your bravery. This man has definitely had a custodial sentence due to the length of probabtion, however it's probable that he is lying about his conditions.

Your daughter is still a child, so as well as Sarah's law disclosure request you could do the following:

  • report to the police that a sex offender is in a relationship with a child
  • ring the safeguarding team at the council and relay the info
  • notify the school
whymewhyme · 09/09/2018 07:32

I hope OP comes back and gives a update! Thinking of you and your daughter!

Frillyfarmer · 09/09/2018 07:33

I really hope it’s not as sinister as it appears and that your daughter sees sense.

someonekillbabyshark · 09/09/2018 07:43

If his story checks out I would leave it at that, he's had a scrap at college they have gone through his phone for the sake of it and found images of a 'minor'. Even though on paper it sounds awful I'm guessing the girl sent him the images herself and the boy was provoked and 'assaulted' the other guy.

My DH on paper looks like a stalker. He went to prison because of his ex. She said he was harassing and stalking her. He did 3 months before the court unravelled her story and she was proven to be lying and it was thrown out of court !! But that doesn't mean it's not on my DH record.

OkMaybeNot · 09/09/2018 07:44

I doubt he's even 19.

19 is the 'golden age' pervs in their late 20s use to get closer to teenage girls. It's old enough that they seem grown-up and worldly, young enough that they're not quite an adult. Bonus if they have a car.

I wouldn't be surprised if nothing this 'young man' has said is true.

MamaOotie · 09/09/2018 07:52

As much as it would go against my initial instincts to protect her, I would let her be present when you get the information back or speak to the police so she can get it straight from them. That way you can’t be accused of over exaggerating.

Quickest way to pour a bucket of cold water on this relationship is to let her hear all the details warts and all. That way he cannot get away with lying to her later.

AnnieAnoniMoose · 09/09/2018 07:54

HE broke down & cried.

I wonder why?

  • he is ashamed/embarrassed.
  • he’s lied and it’s going to come out
  • he’s trying to come between you & DD

If what he has said is true, I feel sorry for him. He will probably stop telling girlfriends because it ends up like this & that’ll cause him more problems.

If it’s not the truth then I hope they deal with him appropriately for dating a 16yo girl.

Despite feeling sorry for him if it’s the truth, I believe you’ve done the right thing in getting it checked out.

insertimaginativeusername · 09/09/2018 07:57

@mzterry Where did you get all that from? So many inaccuracies and it's not "child porn".

Namechange221 · 09/09/2018 08:01

Hope you got answers!

happinessischocolate · 09/09/2018 08:03

When you googled his name did it say at the bottom of the page some results have been removed due to data protection? If so this would indicate that there are results for him but they are hidden.

To get round this you can go onto the websites of the local papers to the court that he would have been convicted at and search for his name there.

But I would definitely being going to the police and asking as per Sarah's Law

wowfudge · 09/09/2018 08:05

Do people not read? The OP has already made the request. It's like 'cancel the cheque' again.

insertimaginativeusername · 09/09/2018 08:08

It's unlikely a disclosure decision has been made by now.

lljkk · 09/09/2018 08:09

Or maybe he's trying to restart his life after doing something stupid & he actually cares for OP's DD.

But go ahead & punish him forever. That's all people care about.

happinessischocolate · 09/09/2018 08:12

Or maybe he's trying to restart his life after doing something stupid & he actually cares for OP's DD.

In which case the police will come back and confirm his story and everyone can get on knowing there's nothing to worry about

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 09/09/2018 08:12

OP you are taking all the right steps. Also your DD seems to be communicating with you which is a good sign. I hope the information you find out reassures you. If it’s bad news, at least you and your DD will know and she can move on.