DD boyfriend is on the sex offenders register

[Brighton5555]

Just the title makes me feel sick.

My daughter is 16 and never had a boyfriend before. She met a young lad three months ago and told me he was 17. I was shocked because she kept him secret for the first month or so and she’s never had a boyfriend before.

I say shocked because it’s so not like her to keep things to herself but I do underdatand as her mother she’s not going to share every little detail of her life.

She had been seeing him a month when she told me about him. Then I find out he’s not 17 he’s 19. Then I find out this about him and I need advice.

She told me he is on the sex offenders register for 7 YEARS and he also has to visit a probation officer once a week during this time. She told me which is the story he told her that -

At college he got into a fight and hit someone ( I know it sounds like it’s getting worse ) and during the police investigation they searched his mobile phone where he states he had a couple of naked photos of his 17 year old girlfriend at the time. Due to her age ( I didn’t know 17 was classed as a minor ) and even though the girl agreed she sent them with her consent this is the reason my daughter tells me he is on the sec offenders register. I think she said something along the lines of a indecent image of a minor.

Something about this story just doesn’t make sense to me. I have all his details and am planning to go to my police station and just tell them what I have been told and that I’m really worried about the whole thing / is this young man a danger to children? My daughter ? Just because he says this is the reason doesn’t mean it is true.

They have been together 3 months now and this has only just come out. As much as she reassures me about the photos of a ex girlfriend and her being 17 and it ‘ not being that bad ‘ my gut tells me I think there is more to it.

Will the police think I’m overreacting?
Will they be able to at least warn me if he is considered a danger ?

I feel sick

Lol.

Well done for pursuing it OP. I don't believe his story.

@charolais it sounds like the law is different in the US to the UK. In the UK (or certainly in England and Wales, I don't know if there's regional differences) minors can be required to be on the register. I've worked with children who have committed offences age 10 (age of criminal responsibility) been convicted when they're 11 and required to sign for 2 years for example.

Ops daughter is happy for her to go to the police as is sure he's telling the truth. I 'recently sat near to a couple of girls, could have been anything from 16 to 20 I guess. Discussing one of their boyfriends. I was really shocked at how naive and gullible the one whose boyfriend it was, was. Minimising, excusing, obviously repeating what he'd told her.

Oh dear, he's obviously got issues. When you get arrested for assault you don't automatically have your phone checked etc. He needs to be completely honest with you and your daughter. I'd be going to visit him at his home where his family are and find out exactly what's going on.

I can't begin to imagine how worried you are feeling OP. I hope they can give you the information you need.
The fact that he broke down in tears means there is much more to this, he wouldn't cry if there was nothing else to find

Or he could be in tears because being on the SO register is massively taboo and there's potentially dangerous consequences the more people who know (potential for things going on Facebook for example)

Again, absolutely not suggesting the OP should give a damm about that - she's got her daughter to think about. Just that him being upset isn't necessarily an indicator of something more. Fwiw I think the high level of supervision required is a red flag about it maybe being more than he has described. I think the focus on him being upset is a bit of a red herring.

No one would want their 16 year old daughter to be seeing this man.

How awful. Hope you're ok op

Sounds awful - hope you get to the truth (& get your DD far far away from him!)

I'm concerned he is grooming your daughter.

It is typical for those who are involved in child sexual exploitation to target young girls that are vulnerable and draw them away from their support networks. You say it's her first boyfriend - does she have a close group of friends? Do you know where she is before/after school? Does she travel far from home?

Please speak to the safeguarding team at your local authority.

Is she still in school? Speak to the designated safeguarding officer there so they can support her if anything happens at school.

Continue to support her and encourage her to be open and honest with you. She may see any attempts to ban the relationship as you controlling her and it will push her towards him.

Info from NSPCC website...

My instinct would be to lock her in the house until she sees sense. Having brought up 3 DDs I also realise how utterly frustrating it is to try and make them see the glaringly obvious

Jeez OP this must be horrific for you

Oh this is so scary OP. One of my fears about having a daughter reach the age yours is at. When I were her age I wasn't an angel and definitely got involved with boys I shouldn't have, I was lucky to be ok but so many girls are at huge risk!

Hugs for you and family

I think he is manipulating your daughter so any rumours she hears are invalid as he has already told her the 'true version' which is likely BS.

I've followed from the start, but just seen your update. The latest bit of information doesn't sound good. The extra technology being ceased suggests they suspected far far more than just a few photos of his then GF. He's not on the SOR for nothing, or for something small.

The dishonesty is worrying, if its coming from him your DD is potentially in danger, if its coming from her then other posters suggestions of grooming come a lot more into play.

Good luck to you though, this must be hard as hell

I hope you do get the answers you need and soon x

I hope that the police can give you enough info to convince her to get rid, especially now he is panicking!

Thank you Threadastaire for the info.

I don't think a minor would be registered here because I believe a minors identity is protected.

Our country sheriff sends out a notice when a Registered sex offender moves to the county. It will list the offenders name, age, address, photo and the level of their offense. There are three levels.

Level 1
The vast majority of registered sex offenders are classified as Level 1 offenders. They are considered at low risk to re-offend. These individuals may be first time offenders and they usually know their victims.

Level 2
Level 2 offenders have a moderate risk of re-offending. They generally have more than one victim and the abuse may be long term. These offenders usually groom their victims and may use threats to commit their crimes. These crimes may be predatory with the offender using a position of trust to commit their crimes. Typically these individuals do not appreciate the damage they have done to their victims.

Level 3
Level 3 offenders are considered to have a high risk to re-offend. They usually have one or more victims and may have committed prior crimes of violence. They may not know their victim(s). The crime may show a manifest cruelty to the victim(s) and these offenders usually deny or minimize the crime. These offenders commonly have clear indications of a personality disorder.

Hope the police info comes back ASAP and you and your daughter agree how to go forward.

Tears are just more manipulation.

It's textbook.

Wow, he is nasty abusive individual, please get your dd far away from him as possible. Can you enrol her in The Freedom Programme, and contact WA. Tell her, his crocodile tears are part of the manipulation.

Absolutely echo everybody's concerns and good that you have pursued it

My further concern for her would be getting pregnant (even accidentally) and being 'tied' to him long term

Hope you get clarity and help your DD understand why she needs to distance herself from him

Sorry this has probably already been said but hes lying. He's had a custodial sentence for up to 6 months to be on the register that long. If you're in the UK then what he's said he did does not carry such a sentence. He's lying and that's a concern in itself. To get a custodial sentence (and it could be suspended, he may not have been to jail) he would have likely had to touch someone younger inappropriately or be involved in making and distributing pictures of children. Sorry x

I hope you get answers soon, and you and your DD are OK.

My instinct would be to lock her in the house until she sees sense

Fair to say that's probably most parents' instinct. However, having been in a not dissimilar situation, you soon realise how limited your options are as a parent. You cannot prevent a 16 year old going where they want or seeing who they chose. It's almost impossible to persuade them not to have a relationship with someone they think they love no matter how unhealthy or potentially dangerous you think the relationship is. You cannot threaten or use violence against the predator boyfriend because that is illegal and will also turn your daughter against you. The innevitable outcome of acting on those sorts of instincts is that you drive your daughter away from you, maybe even to the extreme of her leaving the family home if there are options to do so. Above all else, you need to maintain communication and trust with your child so that she will feel able to come to you for support should the time come that she realises she needs it.