Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD boyfriend is on the sex offenders register

619 replies

Brighton5555 · 05/09/2018 21:24

Just the title makes me feel sick.

My daughter is 16 and never had a boyfriend before. She met a young lad three months ago and told me he was 17. I was shocked because she kept him secret for the first month or so and she’s never had a boyfriend before.

I say shocked because it’s so not like her to keep things to herself but I do underdatand as her mother she’s not going to share every little detail of her life.

She had been seeing him a month when she told me about him. Then I find out he’s not 17 he’s 19. Then I find out this about him and I need advice.

She told me he is on the sex offenders register for 7 YEARS and he also has to visit a probation officer once a week during this time. She told me which is the story he told her that -

At college he got into a fight and hit someone ( I know it sounds like it’s getting worse ) and during the police investigation they searched his mobile phone where he states he had a couple of naked photos of his 17 year old girlfriend at the time. Due to her age ( I didn’t know 17 was classed as a minor ) and even though the girl agreed she sent them with her consent this is the reason my daughter tells me he is on the sec offenders register. I think she said something along the lines of a indecent image of a minor.

Something about this story just doesn’t make sense to me. I have all his details and am planning to go to my police station and just tell them what I have been told and that I’m really worried about the whole thing / is this young man a danger to children? My daughter ? Just because he says this is the reason doesn’t mean it is true.

They have been together 3 months now and this has only just come out. As much as she reassures me about the photos of a ex girlfriend and her being 17 and it ‘ not being that bad ‘ my gut tells me I think there is more to it.

Will the police think I’m overreacting?
Will they be able to at least warn me if he is considered a danger ?

I feel sick

OP posts:
Loyaultemelie · 07/09/2018 15:06

I hope you and dd are ok Thanks

YourHandInMyHand · 07/09/2018 15:07

Even if he has just done what he says Hmm (highly doubtful) he's still got a conviction for assault so serious he has to see his parole officer every week. Hmm

I know a guy on the sex offenders register for a decade. He'd actually abused two children and was found guilty. He did not have to check in with his parole officer on a weekly basis. He also hasn't changed his name.

This guy sounds dodgy as fuck!

Also please be aware there may be conviction that he's had that you aren't told about. I know someone who had this check done on them and the person enquiring wasn't told they were banned from drink driving. Which given they were pressuring her to use their car would have been rather handy to know and also would have shown he abused alcohol.

Hope you get some answers soon. I think your dd could do with some reflection on what sort of things she wants in a partner, eg honest, trustworthy, moral, etc. Poor thing getting landed with this guy as her first boyfriend! I'd look into what sorts of resources and materials she could use to explore relationship boundaries, I wish they taught this stuff as part of PSED in schools.

YourHandInMyHand · 07/09/2018 15:08

I'd be asking your DD to find out his full original name too. He likely won't offer it up but I'd still try.

SirVixofVixHall · 07/09/2018 15:10

The fact that your dd told him suggests that he has too much control over her for such a recent relationship with a significant age difference.
I hope you do get a reasonable amount of info op. Also that whatever you do or don’t find out , she dumps him ASAP.

MurunBuchstansagur · 07/09/2018 15:15

You must be so worried op 💐

LagunaBubbles · 07/09/2018 15:21

This is why I'm glad my DH is 6 foot 4 and built like a body builder, no way on this earth would we let our daughter at 16 years old be allowed anywhere near this man! Just would not happen!

Oh please dont be so naive. How exactly would you propose it "just wouldnt happen"...you cant get your DH to threaten or assault the guy and you cant lock your DD up.

Lostbeyondwords · 07/09/2018 16:04

Well that just makes it worse OP doesn't it, if he broke down crying. At what? That you're going to find out what your dd has already told you? No, clearly something worse.

I would honestly keep a very close eye on dd until you get whatever report because he knows you're onto him now. Not to scaremonger but if he is someone to really worry about now would be the more dangerous time because he'll be found out and he knows it.

MetalMidget · 07/09/2018 16:09

Obviously sentencing can be a bit of a mixed bag, but an 18 year old was put on the register for five years for inciting a child into sexual activity and engaging in sexual activity with a child, after grooming and meeting up with 15 year olds.

www.nottinghampost.com/news/local-news/teenager-sex-offenders-register-after-514444.amp

I'm guessing your daughter's boyfriend is playing down what he actually did given his sentence was more severe.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 07/09/2018 16:52

Of course I’m telling her the obvious that given everything I do not agree with this relationship

Can I ask what her response was? I realise it's a difficult age, but would hope that even an impressionable 16 year old would want to swerve a risk as obvious as this

If she doesn't feel this way, or wants to still see him if the police deem it unwise, I think I'd be looking into some sort of counselling with a view to protecting her in this and future relationships

PrincessConsuelaBannanaHammock · 07/09/2018 17:13

I'm glad the police can help OP. You must be so worried Flowers

Purplecrocsrock · 07/09/2018 17:35

I hope you find out what you need to protect your DD x

ChasedByBees · 07/09/2018 17:40

I hope you find out soon. This must be so worrying.

MustBeThin · 07/09/2018 17:47

His first story doesn't make sense for a start! Why would the police, that are investigating him smacking someone just decide to nosey through his phone pictures, then come to the conclusion that the naked girl is underage? There not much difference if any between what a 17 year old looks like compared to an 18yo 🤔 it sounds like all that's made up just to cover how the crime was discovered.

I hope you get the truth OP Flowers

ClaryFray · 07/09/2018 18:08

Get rid.

You go to probation only if you've been released from prison. Once a week is standard. Get her to get rid invoke Claire law and see what he did

BasilFaulty · 07/09/2018 18:25

claryfray she can't just 'get rid' her daughter is (albeit a very young) adult and trying to do so will probably just force them together

insertimaginativeusername · 07/09/2018 18:53

You don't only go to probation if you've been to prison.

Blondeshavemorefun · 07/09/2018 19:36

Probation is for suspended sentences as well. As said previously my dh had to go to Probation weekly - he had a suspended 6mth sentence

overnightangel · 07/09/2018 19:46

Surely she isn’t still seeing him??

loveisland · 07/09/2018 20:10

Please keep going with this and keep trying to rationalise with your daughter, maybe get her to speak to a sexual abuse charity to understand what this all means, she might not want to share every detail with you but needs to know some triggers and warning signs that this isn't right!!

Threadastaire · 07/09/2018 20:37

I wouldnt read too much into him being upset or DD telling him. Obviously sexual offences of any kind invoke strong feelings in people, but setting aside the sexual aspect for a second, noone likes it when something they've done comes back up, esp if it's something they have worked to move on from. Not excusing him or suggesting the Op should be bothered about his feelings just that its a natural reaction. And the fact that DD feels able to tell him is a good sign, that she's not afraid to tell him something that he might be annoyed or upset about.
Disclosure requests are specifically about issues that impact on safeguarding so while it won't tell you if for example someone has unrelated convictions (eg shoplifting) the information you get is what you need to know - including for example relevant intelligence not just a conviction (particularly important in areas where allegations are made but don't always lead to conviction)

chasinggarlic · 07/09/2018 20:56

Surely she isn’t still seeing him??

That was the whole point of the thread Hmm

Cakefairy1978 · 07/09/2018 21:16

Go to police and ask for a Sarah and Claire law disclosure.

Charolais · 07/09/2018 21:20

If I went to our county sheriff and told him someone on the sex offender's register/list was dating my 16 yr old daughter, the sex offender would be arrested because the girl is a minor. The conditions of their parole is keeping away from minors.

Worse yet the police there are only going to OP what they think she's need to know!

When someone is convicted of a crime in a United States courtroom, it is a public. The record of the conviction is a public record, anyone can go to the court clerk's office and search the files for records of conviction for a person.

Charolais · 07/09/2018 21:22

Worse yet the police there are only going to *tell the OP what they think she need to know!

overnightangel · 07/09/2018 21:23

@chasinggarlic alright wind you neck in , I was just asking as there’s been loads of updates about how DD has divulged more and is happy with her Mam going to the police so what you rolling your eyes at?! Christ