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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DD boyfriend is on the sex offenders register

619 replies

Brighton5555 · 05/09/2018 21:24

Just the title makes me feel sick.

My daughter is 16 and never had a boyfriend before. She met a young lad three months ago and told me he was 17. I was shocked because she kept him secret for the first month or so and she’s never had a boyfriend before.

I say shocked because it’s so not like her to keep things to herself but I do underdatand as her mother she’s not going to share every little detail of her life.

She had been seeing him a month when she told me about him. Then I find out he’s not 17 he’s 19. Then I find out this about him and I need advice.

She told me he is on the sex offenders register for 7 YEARS and he also has to visit a probation officer once a week during this time. She told me which is the story he told her that -

At college he got into a fight and hit someone ( I know it sounds like it’s getting worse ) and during the police investigation they searched his mobile phone where he states he had a couple of naked photos of his 17 year old girlfriend at the time. Due to her age ( I didn’t know 17 was classed as a minor ) and even though the girl agreed she sent them with her consent this is the reason my daughter tells me he is on the sec offenders register. I think she said something along the lines of a indecent image of a minor.

Something about this story just doesn’t make sense to me. I have all his details and am planning to go to my police station and just tell them what I have been told and that I’m really worried about the whole thing / is this young man a danger to children? My daughter ? Just because he says this is the reason doesn’t mean it is true.

They have been together 3 months now and this has only just come out. As much as she reassures me about the photos of a ex girlfriend and her being 17 and it ‘ not being that bad ‘ my gut tells me I think there is more to it.

Will the police think I’m overreacting?
Will they be able to at least warn me if he is considered a danger ?

I feel sick

OP posts:
inmyshoos · 07/09/2018 08:08

Wonder what's happened.

Wonder if op has been advised not to post on internet....

chasinggarlic · 07/09/2018 09:23

More likely they are dealing with real life and not prioritising Mumsnet.

NotTakenUsername · 07/09/2018 12:43

Both sound plausible, one with an added dose of unnecessary snarking.

Catanddogmake6 · 07/09/2018 13:10

Slightly off topic but disqualification by association was removed for schools etc but not for Childminder’s as of 1st September this year. Hope it works out Op.

chasinggarlic · 07/09/2018 13:21

Snark not intended Shock

Brighton5555 · 07/09/2018 14:05

Hello everyone. Just to update I contacted the police and under Sarah’s law they are able to take a disclosure request as she’s 16. I have completed the form and will know within 24 hours. They haven’t said exactkey what can be shared but something along the lines of whether he is deemed a risk to children and possibly the category of the images ?

Daughter knows I’m going ahead and she’s let further things slip out during our conversations about how the police removed his laptop phones and even Xbox for a couple of months while they investigated and also the lovely extra bombshell of beastiality ? Photos being on his phone that a friend sent him as a joke....

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 07/09/2018 14:12

Guess you can’t help what friends send you

But if repulsed me they would be deleted ASAP

Hope Sarah’s law helps you tho not sure how they will decide if he is a risk or not

If only images or if more

16 and female v 19y and possible sex offender

Anxious2niteaaah · 07/09/2018 14:18

Op i would (without telling DD) go online and pay to do a back ground check on him (you will have all the information on him in minutes of any arrests, sexual.offenses, jail time etc ..you are right about his story not sounding right, he's probably soft soaping it to make it seem like nothing, but you need to know what he has done, they don't put people on the sex offenders register for nothing, he could be a rapist or a child abuser or anything..

picklemepopcorn · 07/09/2018 14:18

I'm glad you have been able to take these steps, OP.

montenuit · 07/09/2018 14:21

Anxious2niteaaah he has changed his name. Not so easy. The name he is using now in everyday life may not even be the name he changed his name to.

vivariumvivariumsvivaria · 07/09/2018 14:24

Is your daughter starting to see that there may be something less than attractive at the root of this record, Brighton?

wowfudge · 07/09/2018 14:26

Bloody hell OP, just read the thread and your update. What does your DD make of all this? Does she still believe him or is she concerned? It sounds to me as though he has form for grooming and it's almost certain that he is grooming your daughter. There's something very off about young men who are interested in school girls rather than young women their own age. I know that's a sweeping generalisation, but it's based on my own experience of people I knew when I was younger.

MycatsaPirate · 07/09/2018 14:27

Funny how these extreme images are always sent by a friend or just fell off the internet into their saved photos.

FFS. Your DD really can do so much more with her life than this guy.

HidingFromMyKids · 07/09/2018 14:29

Well done OP you've done the right thing. Try keep communicating with DD we all know if we push too much she will run closer to him. I'm sure she will look back on this in the future and be glad.

cactusplant · 07/09/2018 14:29

I'm not sure I would bother with the request
I think I would focus on showing dd she deserves better and get her to distance herself from this man

Notquiteagandt · 07/09/2018 14:34

Oh Brighton you must be frantic with worry Flowers hopefully police clear things up.

Some concelation is your daughter albeit drip feeding is at least telling you things. And she hasnt objected to you going police.

You need to keep reassuring her and telling her if she wants out the relationship its ok etc etc.

Beaverhausen · 07/09/2018 14:42

I am feeling physically sick for you OP, I can not fathom how you must be feeling right now.

It is a pity that your daughter is of the age where no matter what you say or what concerns you might have for her wellbeing she wont take a blind bit of notice of until it is too late.

topcat1980 · 07/09/2018 14:44

All sorts of incorrect points on here regarding it being ok to have images of a 17 year old.

The law is 18 for images.

16 for consent.

Brighton5555 · 07/09/2018 14:48

Yes the poster is right it’s 18 for sharing explicit images and 16 for consent. Of course I’m telling her the obvious that given everything I do not agree with this relationship. The lad in question has found out what I’m doing and apparently broke down in tears but I told her this isn’t about him it’s about her safety.

OP posts:
Whatsthisbear · 07/09/2018 14:48

It's great you are able to get a report, it will either put your mind at rest or frighten your DD off him! Is she going to tell him you have requested info?

Brighton5555 · 07/09/2018 14:50

Yes he is aware what I’m doing

OP posts:
RatRolyPoly · 07/09/2018 14:51

The lad in question has found out what I’m doing and apparently broke down in tears but I told her this isn’t about him it’s about her safety.

Oh dear, he really doesn't want it all coming out does he. I reckon he must know it will be the end of the road for him and your dd.

I imagine the strength of emotion comes from realising that it will be the end of the road for him with every single girl he meets for the next 7 years.

topcat1980 · 07/09/2018 14:53

It is however true that a number of young men, and women, have ended up on the register for possession of, or distribution of images of people their own age or ever so slightly younger.

Rebecca36 · 07/09/2018 14:58

I sincerely hope your daughter dumps him quickly.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 07/09/2018 15:02

She told him?

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