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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Why do parents do this at pick up?

323 replies

Infomerkel · 05/09/2018 11:46

I've name changed for this as I dont want to offend anyone I know IRL.

My DS is in a very small primary school. There is always a set of parents who meet their kids at the pick up doors with a 'treat' (bag of crisps, chocolate donuts, cupcakes etc). But I know where these kids live and its within a 3 minute walk of the school. Why do they need a snack at the door?

My DS is also usually starving after school but can manage the 3 min walk home, wash his hands and then sit at the table to eat.

I just don't get it? I'm foreign so maybe its a custom I haven't come across before? I've always wondered about it, but figured each to their own. But now, DS's best friends dad will often bring a 'treat' for DS as well. It's extremely kind and I'm always very grateful and thank him. But I don't want him having a treat every single day after school. I'm a bit strict at home about not making junk food into a habit but I don't want to come across as judgy or sanctimonious. I also feel odd not reciprocating and bringing treats in.

AIBU to not understand this?

OP posts:

JacquesHammer · 05/09/2018 11:49

Not sure there's anything to understand.

You do things one way, they do things another way. Neither of you are wrong.

SheCameFromGreeceSheHadaThirst · 05/09/2018 11:51

I'm foreign so maybe its a custom I haven't come across before?

Yes, it is. It's a very well-established British custom. Just to bring you up to speed, we tend to ram these junk snacks down our craws whilst queuing politely for our turn around the May Pole and passively-aggressively tutting about the weather.

skippy67 · 05/09/2018 11:53

You don't need to " understand" it. Some people just parent differently from you...

southnownorth · 05/09/2018 11:54

Each to their own.

motortroll · 05/09/2018 11:55

I agree with you op. It seems like a pointless effort if you live so close.

TheHulksPurplePanties · 05/09/2018 11:55

Why do they need a snack at the door?

You must be foreign if you've never heard of all of the cases of poor British children succumbing to starvation and exposure on a 3 minute walk from school.

To be fair, most of these deaths occurred during the War. It's a thing of past now that they've got snack sized crisps. But the FEAR remains.

MissusGeneHunt · 05/09/2018 11:55

Nothing to do with nationality whatsoever. It's just people being individuals. They do, you don't, simple as!

SneakyGremlins · 05/09/2018 11:56

They might be going home then straight out again to swimming/dance/something.

SnuggyBuggy · 05/09/2018 11:56

No one did that in my day. We occasionally got an ice cream from the ice cream van but certainly didn't get food everyday.

CocoRed · 05/09/2018 11:56

😂 Greece that made me literally laugh out loud

IfIWasABirdIdFlyIn2ACeilingFan · 05/09/2018 11:57

I think people have become obsessed with making sure their DC never have an empty belly.
Maybe it’s just to keep them quiet on the journey home.

Dhalandchips · 05/09/2018 11:57

There's a mum at our school who does this with her hyperactive boy...a packet of haribo or something blue in a tube and a can of tango. Every day. She wonders why she has trouble with him.

SheCameFromGreeceSheHadaThirst · 05/09/2018 11:57

Not sure there's anything to understand

You have to put on the wide-eyed, faux-naif, 'please explain peculiar British customs' act in order to obliquely judge other people's parenting without coming across like a full-on GF

needtogiveitablow · 05/09/2018 11:57

Is it a new thing for parents to be competitive over the eating habits of their DC?! There are few threads running today along a similar theme. I have 2 DC, one eats like a horse at meal times but never snacks, the other grazes consistently throughout the day and always has done. He has a snack leaving nursery while the other one can wait til they get home and has our evening meal. I couldn’t tell you what other parents do because I don’t care, my kids are healthy and happy and if anyone wants to judge them then crack on!

thenightsky · 05/09/2018 11:58

I'd not call it a 'treat' if it is every day. That's just a 'something to tide them over til dinner' kind of thing.

A treat is, I believe and according to Google:
'an event or item that is out of the ordinary and gives great pleasure'

flumpybear · 05/09/2018 11:58

My DS gets hungry in the afternoon so we sometimes take a little snack - in fact his teacher asked to pack him an afternoon snack at one point as he was hungry and grouchy - different kids need different things

kenandbarbie · 05/09/2018 11:59

Why don't you bring a banana or something in instead then? They might not be going straight home, I know I have piano or swimming straight after school so they need something to keep them going.

CarolDanvers · 05/09/2018 11:59

I don't want to come across as judgy or sanctimonious

You are a bit though.

Couchpotato3 · 05/09/2018 12:00

To answer your original question - a lot of kids come out of school hungry, and it can affect their behaviour. I found that my kids were a lot less grumpy if they had a snack when they finished school. It also meant that they weren't demanding food the instant we got through the door, and I had time to make a proper tea for them without them being whiny and difficult while they waited. We always lived some distance from school, so they had a car journey before we got home. If I had lived a few minutes walk from school, I may well have done the same as you and waited until we got home.
If you don't want your DS having snacks, you could just say to the Dad "Thank you so much for thinking of DS, but I would prefer him not to have snacks before his tea, as it spoils his appetite." He's only being kind, and if he's a reasonable person he won't be offended if you politely decline the snacks.

LotusInspired · 05/09/2018 12:01

I don’t understand it either but who cares?

To each their own. My mum NEVER did this with me but when she picks my dc up from school she ALL was has a snack at hand

m0therofdragons · 05/09/2018 12:02

I used to do this in reception for dtds. Never did with dd1 but twins are youngest in the year and I'd regularly carry them to the car as they were so tired. A snack helped them walk the 5 minute walk to the car. Also means no crumbs on the carpet from after school snacks. It's actually quite genius

mingebags · 05/09/2018 12:03

She isn't coming across that way. She's just questioning why some parents feel their children can't possibly go another minute without some food. It's uncouth, if you ask me.

Gettingbackonmyfeet · 05/09/2018 12:03

Agreed with the faux wide eyed concern about getting it wrong

You know it's not a custom

You have no idea what they are doing when they get in or when their dinner is cooked or whether they have visitors or clubs. It's really not that hard and jack to do with you other than the fact he is bringing it for your son.

Just say politely you would rather he wasn't given a treat , thanks for thinkig of him but youll give him his food at home.

Do not mention the comments you have made above just deal with it politely as an adult

GlossyGlossy · 05/09/2018 12:03

DS is constantly "hungry". If I was a 3 minute walk from school I wouldn't bring a snack to the door, but often we don't go straight home, or the drive home can take 15 mins or so, in those cases I might bring some crisps or cheese sticks or something.

InfiniteSheldon · 05/09/2018 12:03

I always met my son with a treat as he was exhausted and starving after school my daughter didn't need one parent as per the needs of the child not as per your made up rules

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