Why do parents do this at pick up?

[Infomerkel]

I've name changed for this as I dont want to offend anyone I know IRL.

My DS is in a very small primary school. There is always a set of parents who meet their kids at the pick up doors with a 'treat' (bag of crisps, chocolate donuts, cupcakes etc). But I know where these kids live and its within a 3 minute walk of the school. Why do they need a snack at the door?

My DS is also usually starving after school but can manage the 3 min walk home, wash his hands and then sit at the table to eat.

I just don't get it? I'm foreign so maybe its a custom I haven't come across before? I've always wondered about it, but figured each to their own. But now, DS's best friends dad will often bring a 'treat' for DS as well. It's extremely kind and I'm always very grateful and thank him. But I don't want him having a treat every single day after school. I'm a bit strict at home about not making junk food into a habit but I don't want to come across as judgy or sanctimonious. I also feel odd not reciprocating and bringing treats in.

AIBU to not understand this?

By "Why do parents do this?", you mean "Why do these parents do this?". One set of parents in z school doing something does not a British custom make .

There’s no insistence ‘British kids need it’ ffs. In some countries, some people, give some of their kids, who are sometimes hungry, a snack after school. Don’t be so ridiculous or positive that this thread is anything but goady, with the feigned ‘ohhh i don’t understand, this awful culture’ crap. Unless you are actually stupid what’s not to understand

My DS eats all his school dinner and still has a snack after school. They finish lunch at 12:00 so he's hungry again by home time. I don't give my son treats as such after school and he will moan when he sees other kids getting them occasionally but surely that's just part of life. There will always be a kid who gets given their own flat screen TV and xbox for their 5th birthday and the other kids want it too. It's our job as parents to explain that they can't have it just because Timmy down the road does.

I don't want to come across as judgy or sanctimonious

Hate to break it to you, OP, but...

When I lived abroad I often saw the same (I even saw kids getting given big treats before school in one case - her parents were Spanish but I don't assume it's part of Spanish culture to eat donuts at 8:30 am.!). My DS's pre-school (ages 3-7) actually always had a snack last thing because they knew kids were hungry by that time.

Go to places like the USA and see a nation of people seemingly unable to form a queue without needing to eat something. Sadly it looks like we too are heading the same way.

Everything we do in the high street/shopping/festivals/events is becoming about food and snacks now.

Take Cinemas - 30 years ago you might get people taking a small bag of sweets in, anything more than this was highly unusual, ice creams in the intermission excepted of course.

Now you can't move for people chowing down on nachos, hot dogs, pizzas or burgers.

And yes, childhood obesity, obesity in general in this country and some others are off the charts, and all of that is down to a change in eating habits, junk food being more accessible to people than more healthy options, processed food being pushed at us for profit.

When my DS was in primary I would take the occasional snack but I was very conscious that I didn't want it to be an expectation, and for him to form a habit that I then had to uphold, it would then become a JOB I had to do, rather than what it was, an occasional surprise.

That said, if we had to go to an afterschool class, swimming or music or whatever, it was impossible to do without a car picnic. but that was specifically because I knew it would be 2 hours poss 3 until he could have his proper 'tea'.

It's not stopped him wanting snacks, and now he's older he still will make crap choices if given free rein, but that's what happens, I have to make sure that what I buy is sensible, that junk is not off limits totally, but managed sensibly. I'm not saying i have it right, but its an attempt at a conscious thought to what's going into his mouth.

I think what OP is referring to is the snacking of kids who live 3mins down the road and getting automatic snacks... and yes it does happen, we ALL know this. It's the same kinds of kids who melt in the rain.

OP is trying to understand the nonsense that is the british schoolgate, wondering if being foreign could explain why she couldn't. I didn't take it as a "oooh look at zeeze eenglish, what are zey like" kind of thing.

Infomerkel It's not you love, nothing about the whole school/schoolgate/playground stuff makes any sense. Welcome to the alien planet that is the School System

I agree, I don't understand it either, but to be honest I couldn't care less.

The only time it's caused issues is when my daughter was younger seeing lots of kids getting sweets every day, but even then I always used the, 'everyone treats their kids differently, I do what I think is best for you and their parents do what is best for them' type response.

Children always leave school grumpy and ravenous, it’s been that way since the dawn of civilisation or since education became a thing . It doesn’t matter how much they ate for breakfast or lunch, they always leave famished.

Agreed it would be preferable to offer a piece of fruit but I would argue you have a bit too much time on your hands to pay such close attention to these details.

Yes kids might sulk if they aren’t allowed what other kids have. They might also sulk if their friends are allowed to stay up later, have more screen time/pocket money or whatever. That doesn’t mean other parents should do what you do just to make your life easier!

Ok, Amanduh, first calm down. No, I’m not actually stupid. Some parents on this thread have insisted that their kids need a snack at the school gate in order to manage the walk home from school. Maybe other countries also have this custom, but, I think in most countries kids are given a snack at home, not at the school gate.

To say that it doesn’t do any harm may be correct, but there is a huge problem with childhood obesity in the UK.

I’d never have been allowed this as a kid and, despite a 20 min walk I’m not pandering to demands for snacks - they do ask and they see their friends with food. It’s unnecessary and just makes them walk slower. But I also think the snacking culture in this country is part of the reason so many of us are overweight - it was certainly part of it for me and I’m loosing it whilst surprised how little I really do need to eat. Kids also get milk and fruit at school. Humans are designed to feel hungry for a while before eating.

It really is just a treat there is nothing to understand kid comes out of school is happy to see parent and sweets It really doesn't matter how far away they live. Iused to take mine to the shop on afriday after school for sweets i lived a stones throw from school

I do it for both of mine for a number of reasons:

• They have lunch from 12 and finish after school clubs at 415, and it can be nearer 430 before they get out the gates.

• Both have SEND and sensory issues so don't eat that well, will likely have picked at lunch & be hungry.

• DC2 has brain damage and if she's fiddling with a banana/cereal bar/occasional packet of Haribo she less likely to have a meltdown, randomly punch her big brother or attempt to throw herself under a passing car.

• It eases the transition from school to home for them both.

• It takes the edge off their hunger long enough until teatime.

They are on such low centiles for weight (35th & 15th) I'm not that concerned from a health point of view.

It’s stress relief for some children - not sure that’s a good thing but it’s comfort food a lot of the time. Mine always want something.

Some SEN children really need to crunch or have feedback on their jaws - it’s sensory feedback - calming

needtogiveitablow Maybe I misunderstood, but I didn’t see anything rude in the original post.

I’ve lived here for a very long time now, but still ask myself on occasions, “is this a British thing?!”. It doesn’t matter; I do lots of things that are incomprehensible to other people (particularly dh!) which have nothing to do with my nationality.

Sometimes it is difficult to navigate and the desire not to offend can lead to exactly the reverse happening, which is I suspect the position we find ourselves in here with the OP.

My son has multiple health problems as well as a anxiety problem. So finds the lunch hall to noisy and busy to want to eat. so 9/10 will of had a bite of his sandwich, a handful of crisps and that is it! Trouble is he needs double the calories most children have to put on the same weight. So when I pick him up from school he literally eats from quarter past 3 till suppertime so his body gets what it needs. So yes i have snacks for my son to eat straight from school as he starving. I could bring him home for lunch but then he can't play with his friends, so either way I'm in the wrong! I can't win. School judge if I take him home for lunch and parents judge if I bring snacks at end of the day. So I do what I need too to keep my son out of hospital and sod everyone else!!

If it bothers you then you need to just say thanks but no thanks to the parent offering your kid food & if your kid whinges just go with the tried & tested "That's up to Jimmy's mummy/daddy but I'm your mummy & I decide what you're allowed"

I take a snack. DS comes out so hungry. We either have activities after school or a 15 minute walk home. Without a snack that 15 minute walk can take 45 as he struggles to get it together when he is hungry. DH is the same.

It’s not ideal but it’s much more pleasant for me, DD (who doesn’t want or need a snack) and him to just bring an apple or banana or carrot sticks for him to have.

It annoys me a bit that there is an ice cream van outside school at pick up time. Other DC may have clubs so it's not something you can easily judge. And I do bring something tiny for DD at preschool pick up as an insentive for staying there.

I do get annoyed at church, one child is ALWAYS eating something. It's mainly fruit or maltloaf or crackers but my DD then wants something and starts begging me for food. It is an hour and a quarter and there is tea and biscuits after. I am happy to let her have biscuits after, but I am not happy to cart food round for an almost 4 year old who had breakfast 2 hours ago, and one who is going to be given at least 3 chocolate biscuits by wellmeaning members of the congregation.
I am working on three meals plus 2 small snacks.

Aware that DD begging is probably my parenting. :( I just keep going with the 'no, we have snack after xx'

It’s all the rage in France I believe. Le gouter.

I agree with you op although I have never seen this type of thing go on at our school. It is not good to hand a child (barring special needs) a treat as they walk out of school.

The only problem here is parents to afraid to say no to their children. Much better to teach your kids to handle the word no than to expect every other parent to march to your tune for fear your own child might be jealous.

Wow, so much rudeness, snippiness and defensiveness on this thread.

There does seem to be a certain type of parent who is terrified her child will feel mildly hungry for ten seconds and arrives everywhere with boxes of raisins and packets of rice cakes and tubs of hummus etc etc. Said parents then insist that their child needs regular snacks or they become cranky and distressed and throw tantrums

My friend does this all the time with her DD. She's only 3 and in nursery from 9-12. She has breakfast in the morning before going to nursery, then they have a snack there around 10.30 but her Mum collects her at 12 and hands her a packet of crisps/muffin/doughnut etc.
She constantly snacks at home too and seriously kicks off if she's told no.