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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why do parents do this at pick up?

323 replies

Infomerkel · 05/09/2018 11:46

I've name changed for this as I dont want to offend anyone I know IRL.

My DS is in a very small primary school. There is always a set of parents who meet their kids at the pick up doors with a 'treat' (bag of crisps, chocolate donuts, cupcakes etc). But I know where these kids live and its within a 3 minute walk of the school. Why do they need a snack at the door?

My DS is also usually starving after school but can manage the 3 min walk home, wash his hands and then sit at the table to eat.

I just don't get it? I'm foreign so maybe its a custom I haven't come across before? I've always wondered about it, but figured each to their own. But now, DS's best friends dad will often bring a 'treat' for DS as well. It's extremely kind and I'm always very grateful and thank him. But I don't want him having a treat every single day after school. I'm a bit strict at home about not making junk food into a habit but I don't want to come across as judgy or sanctimonious. I also feel odd not reciprocating and bringing treats in.

AIBU to not understand this?

OP posts:
thebeesknees123 · 06/09/2018 16:45

I had this in reverse. I did this for dd and ds. We had a long walk home and it stopped the meltdowns. Only parent objected because it made her kids want snacks but this is life. You explain to your children that other parents do things differently rather than get the parents to parent like you. I agree you have every right to ask the dad to stop giving yours a snack though but do it discreetly and tactfully

melj1213 · 06/09/2018 16:48

It kind of is, if said children can't wait till they get home.

No it isn't because you are assuming all children are the same.

My DD had her first few years of education in Spain and was used to lunch being the main meal of the day with a long lunch break. She would have a snack when she finished at 5pm because she was usually hungry and dinner wouldnt be for another 2/3 hours and she would have extra curriculars too. When we moved to the UK I used to pick her up from school with a snack because by 3:30 she was starving because it took her a while to get used to the change in daily routine. Now it is just habit to grab a cereal bar/piece of fruit etc on the way out of the door when I am going to pick her up so she can have her snack before we get in the car or while walking to her extra curricular activities.

How do you imagine people survive in jobs where they can't snack in the middle of the afternoon, or have to put up with feeling hungry till they have an official break?

I imagine that they are adults who a) are aware of their break schedule and plan accordingly and b) have control over their food schedule to choose exactly what they eat and in what quantities.

I work in retail and so I have a strict break schedule but I know this and so can arrange my eating schedule as needed - and as an adult if I was feeling like my blood sugars were dipping and I needed to eat earlier than scheduled, I can speak to my supervisor about having an early break/grabbing a snack.

PortiaCastis · 06/09/2018 16:58

This is for your kids later Biscuit

Ha yes brilliant Grin

PrimalLass · 06/09/2018 17:04

We quite often stayed at school for an hour or so - to play in the playground. Or went straight to an activity.

Gottagetmoving · 06/09/2018 19:06

Why do people say their kids are 'starving' if they've gone three hours without a snack?
They aren't starving. They may feel hungry, or peckish or even bored (funny how when they are preoccupied they forget to ask for snacks) or, it's become a habit to be given snacks instead of waiting.

Mymycherrypie · 06/09/2018 19:55

My DS often comes out of school with a rumbling tummy because they only get one choice of school dinner and if they don’t like it, salad is the only option. We are packed lunches now but when he was school dinners he was ravenous after school.

PhilomenaButterfly · 06/09/2018 20:02

School dinners are too small for DD. Luckily, because she's in year 6 and they and year 5 go down last, she often gets seconds. Compulsory school meals at their school.

SneakyGremlins · 06/09/2018 20:21

School meals can be compulsory?Shock

AndhowcouldIeverrefuse · 06/09/2018 20:30

Why do people say their kids are 'starving' if they've gone three hours without a snack? They aren't starving.

So the parents and the children themselves have no idea if they are hungry, starving or peckish. Only you know Hmm

Gottagetmoving · 06/09/2018 21:26

So the parents and the children themselves have no idea if they are hungry, starving or peckish. Only you know hmm

Do you know what 'starving' means?

It's impossible to be starving a few hours after eating.
At most, you could feel a bit hungry or pecking....neither of which pose a threat.

Gottagetmoving · 06/09/2018 21:27

Peckish

puzzledlady · 06/09/2018 21:27

Ha OP it sounds like You might be a fellow parent at my daughters school.... Grin

PhilomenaButterfly · 06/09/2018 21:32

At their school yes Grems. They don't trust us to feed our DC. Hmm

SneakyGremlins · 06/09/2018 21:36

What about SN children? Hmm

WyfOfBathe · 07/09/2018 00:33

Do you know what 'starving' means?

Do you know that words can have more than 1 definition?

dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/starving

ConcreteUnderpants · 07/09/2018 00:48

Do you know what 'starving' means? It's impossible to be starving a few hours after eating. At most, you could feel a bit hungry or pecking....neither of which pose a threat

Gottage ok perhaps not literally starving, but hungry, peckish, whatever. They want/feel they need something to eat.
What do you care that I don't like my child moaning they are hungry and want something.
If you're interested, today they had a chocolate mini roll. Tomorrow they'll have a banana. Judge away.

actualpuffins · 07/09/2018 05:11

Do you know what 'pedant' means, Gottage?

BadLad · 07/09/2018 05:27

Is this you, OP?

Why do parents do this at pick up?
FlyingMonkeys · 07/09/2018 05:28

Parent Feeds Child! Shock horror! Stop the press!!!

Hannahmates · 07/09/2018 05:39

YANBU. I wouldn't feed my kids treats everyday either (if I had kids). You need to tell DS's best friends dad that you do not want DS having a treat everyday. He should respect your parenting decision.

plusonefail · 07/09/2018 05:46

I wouldn’t do this. Not because I’m bothered about junk food (DC can have a biscuit or some crisps when they get home a few minutes later) but because they come out of school so grubby. I would want them to wash their hands before they eat anything - we get enough bugs as it is.

PhilomenaButterfly · 07/09/2018 05:53

SN children can bring a packed lunch if they have a diagnosis Grems. DD didn't have a diagnosis, she used to have sensory issues with greasy food, it used to make her retch, they had fish and chips or fish fingers and chips on alternate Fridays, if she didn't like the veggie option she just wouldn't eat. Hmm

SallySideEye · 07/09/2018 06:17

My son had a penchant for chopped up raw carrots and I would bring them after nursery. Was that wrong? That's not a stealth boast=t he genuinely loved them. Saying that I was regularly bought cake-type treats after school, am still a functioning non-obese adult.

SneakyGremlins · 07/09/2018 06:41

Phil That's utterly ridiculous Hmm

I'd have been malnourished after a year

Fireballfriends · 07/09/2018 06:55

The trouble is not the snacks or what they are but the fact they are given on school grounds and to other people's children.

I have parents who regularly give DD a cake/sweets after school as soon as they come out the door before I can stop it. Their children are very overweight. It annoys me because if DD doesn't get one she has the most almighty tantrum and it's really difficult for me to manage her. Not to mention embarrassing. If she does have one she won't eat her tea. You can see other children crying because they can't have one and I just wish they could wait until till they were outside the school gate before getting the snacks out.

I just feel it makes my life really difficult for the sake of waiting 2 mins.