Why do parents do this at pick up?

[Infomerkel]

I've name changed for this as I dont want to offend anyone I know IRL.

My DS is in a very small primary school. There is always a set of parents who meet their kids at the pick up doors with a 'treat' (bag of crisps, chocolate donuts, cupcakes etc). But I know where these kids live and its within a 3 minute walk of the school. Why do they need a snack at the door?

My DS is also usually starving after school but can manage the 3 min walk home, wash his hands and then sit at the table to eat.

I just don't get it? I'm foreign so maybe its a custom I haven't come across before? I've always wondered about it, but figured each to their own. But now, DS's best friends dad will often bring a 'treat' for DS as well. It's extremely kind and I'm always very grateful and thank him. But I don't want him having a treat every single day after school. I'm a bit strict at home about not making junk food into a habit but I don't want to come across as judgy or sanctimonious. I also feel odd not reciprocating and bringing treats in.

AIBU to not understand this?

I do this, but it's when I'm picking up my ds from nursery at 11:45am.
It's about a mile and a half from where I live and I have my 2 year old as well.
So after a busy morning and the 2 year old walking 3 + miles it's just gives them something to do to stop them whingeing about the walk home.
They do eat quite healthy though (cheese,tomato and cucumber sandwich,banana and a packet of quavers) and it is a lunch.
So it keeps them happy, and no mess for me when home so win win

The only problem here is parents to afraid to say no to their children. Much better to teach your kids to handle the word no than to expect every other parent to march to your tune for fear your own child might be jealous.

This. I'm the meanest mum as I make DC wait outside the sweetshop while their friends all get treats. Luckily my kids are used to the word 'no' and to not getting sweeties all the time so they don't make a fuss.

The only problem here is parents to afraid to say no to their children. Much better to teach your kids to handle the word no than to expect every other parent to march to your tune for fear your own child might be jealous.

This. I'm the meanest mum as I make DC wait outside the sweetshop while their friends all get treats. Luckily my kids are used to the word 'no' and to not getting sweeties all the time so they don't make a fuss.

I’m so jealous. Your kids are living the dream haha 😂

There are parents who do it at our primary school. Most of the parents are foreign born. I figure that some kids, as has been mentioned before, are probably going elsewhere other than home after school, really hungry etc etc..but what gets me is it is ALWAYS junk food and never anything remotely healthy. I wonder if they need to run nutrition courses. I do get fed up with all the fundraising things they do at school involving large quantities of cupcakes, crisps and ice lollies. Yes we had the ice cream van outside school too smoking diesel fumes everywhere. I was going to complain but someone beat me to it. (FWIW my kids do get treats too but hopefully not ALL the time).

SEN is not that common it accounts for most cases. So much so when a rumour circulated about a parents of a SEN child people assumed it was me. There aren’t that many of us. My SEN child is lower weight but it’s also her teeth to worry about. A dessert straight after a meal is much better than a sugary snack between meals, which includes fruit.

The couple of days a week I do this it's because we're going straight on from school to an after school activity and the kids normally tend to have tea quite early (just because it's the way our day's naturally worked out around everyone's schedules and stomachs) so tea's going to be late in comparison on those days.

Rest of the time I have a box in the fridge of baby cucumbers, peppers, cherry tomatoes and stuff they can raid if the Ballad of The Starving Child whine starts and that's the only generally available snacks in the house - but there's those activity days where they do get a bit of flapjack or bag of mini cheddars or something.

Tonight is straight home so, while I'll be greeted with "what's for tea" as the eldest bowls out of the classroom door they won't be getting anything until then... later in the week they're at a dance class after school so they'll get a snack to eat on the way there.

my DD has approximately 10 mins to eat her lunch, they then have to clear their plates for the next sitting. She's often starving when i pick her up, that's why I take a snack, 10 mins walk home but shes ravenous.

In my day it was a trip to the corner shop as soon as we left school, and ten pence to spend on sweets from the penny tray ( flying saucers, white mice, pink shrimps, blackjacks,etc). But I was a strange child who didn’t really like sweets so my mum used to bring me a tomato 😂😂

Don't get me wrong, my kids get treats but they aren't going to get them just because their friends are. (Ie, day after halloween, we aren't going to buy sweeties at the shop that's 3 minutes from the house where their huge stashes lie.)

Not sure how kids who always do what the crowd does are going to fare when real teen peer pressure turns up.

I agree op. It's fine if they do it with their own kids but once they start bringing treats for your kid too every day it begins to get awkward. Reciprocate with fruit. Doesn't happen at dds school, where I am in Ireland. So could well be an English 'custom'.

I wouldn’t want my child having junk everyday either tbf. But if someone kept offering it I’d just say ‘thank you but we’re having tea soon’ and give it back.
My kids are allowed sweets after school on a Friday and that is the only junk they have all week. Maybe I should insist that other parents only bring stuff/take their children to the shop on a Friday so that my snowflakes don’t have to cope with seeing other people have treats when they don’t!

And you need to understand this why?

I do this but with fruit. They are hungry when they come out of school and it stops them pestering for their tea

You just have to figure out a way to tell the dad you don't want your son sharing his son's snacks without coming across as rude or judgemental. I agree that unhealthy snacks after school every day are not what I would want. If I were you, I would bring in something healthy for my son and (apologetically) tell the dad that you are starting the new year being (overly) careful about crisps and sweets (self deprecating laugh).

But then, I don't care about sitting at a table and washing hands (as you do). For me, the concern would be not offending the other parent (who is trying to be nice) and making sure my kid didn't eat too much crap.

Haven’t you heard? Feeling hungry can be dangerous these days. If you get hunger pangs then you might actually feel unwell or lose weight.

I would have thought the snacks are because the child is doing after school activities.

Then people wonder why so many kids are fat.

Again back in my day, kids finished school and then played out for hours.. very rare to see an overweight child in the 70s.

I do this sometimes especially if we are off to rugby / swimming after school as we are around 4/5 days. It’s a long day for mine as I’m in work so they attend breakfast club too and I feel like they sometimes need a pick me up on the way to the next part of the day as it were. Same as when I stop for a cuppa at home or whatever.

We live a 10 min walk from school. If we’re going straight home then the children know that they would get a snack when they got home. If we’re going somewhere in the car, I give them the snack in the car. If we’re walking to an activity, they know they have the snack when we’ve got to the activity. They know this so they walk to car/home/activity without complaint as it’s a good incentive to get there.

The French goûter is eaten at home and is because generally the French eat dinner much later than people in the UK do

SEN and after school clubs aside, to those other parents that say they bring their kids food to the school gate because they’re ‘starving’ or ‘ravenous’ .... you’re being so played by your kids! 😂

Yes, nothing wrong with giving kids a snack when they get in from school, or something to keep them going if they're heading straight on to swimming or ballet.

But meeting your kids everyday at the school gate with a bag of crisps or bar of chocolate or donut is setting them up for a lifetime of unhealthy snacking. Surely children, no matter how hungry, can manage a 5 or 10 minute walk home from school without having to be fed first.

The thread was begun knowing some parents would find it offensive, implying as it does that all parents in the UK do this but no one else on the planet does. There is also the implication that UK parents do not parent well and that it is this lesser than perfect parenting that results in all UK children being obese or on the verge of being obese.

The OP is blindingly disingenuous.

less than perfect

DD1 used to come out of school angry/hangry, especially when she was little anyway. Giving her a couple of biscuits vastly improved her mood. DD2 is not so bothered and is more laid back but is still starving. If we are going straight home she might just have something at home but if we are going to the playground or somewhere else straight after school then I might bring a snack.

Neither of them are unfit or overweight, their teeth are fine and they concentrate and are well-behaved at school, so I guess I must be getting something right.