Why do parents do this at pick up?

[Infomerkel]

I've name changed for this as I dont want to offend anyone I know IRL.

My DS is in a very small primary school. There is always a set of parents who meet their kids at the pick up doors with a 'treat' (bag of crisps, chocolate donuts, cupcakes etc). But I know where these kids live and its within a 3 minute walk of the school. Why do they need a snack at the door?

My DS is also usually starving after school but can manage the 3 min walk home, wash his hands and then sit at the table to eat.

I just don't get it? I'm foreign so maybe its a custom I haven't come across before? I've always wondered about it, but figured each to their own. But now, DS's best friends dad will often bring a 'treat' for DS as well. It's extremely kind and I'm always very grateful and thank him. But I don't want him having a treat every single day after school. I'm a bit strict at home about not making junk food into a habit but I don't want to come across as judgy or sanctimonious. I also feel odd not reciprocating and bringing treats in.

AIBU to not understand this?

[WindDoesNotBreakTheBendyTree]

We're a 10 min walk to the bus stop, a 10 min wait and a 15 min bus ride from home.

When DS 1 was in infants he was starving to the point of tears at the end of the school day at 3.30, having had his lunch at 11.45. So I would take him a biscuit or some breadsticks or a banana.

Most kids have a snack after school. Does it matter whether they have it on the hoof or at home?

[ADastardlyThing]

Your aibu probably should have been about the dad giving your ds snacks without checking with you. But to answer your actual aibu of course you are!

[TwoOddSocks]

Having regular snacks is actually better for kids than 3 larger meals a day. I always bring DS a snack. It's only a mile home and he could survive but he enjoys having a snack walking home and it's not harming anyone. I wouldn't bring a huge donut or something to present to him in front of his friends though.

[PaulHollywoodsleftbollockhair]

It is very easy to lose your identity as a parent and become disproportionately obsessed with unimportant, nit picking crap and become one of those judgey feckers.

Top tip OP - get a life.

[MiaowMix]

For me, the issue is the fact that it's a non issue (but disguised in the faux 'Is it British custom?' question which I don't believe).
I've put my child through primary without even noticing this as an issue, she would sometimes have a snack, sometimes not, nobody gets upset about what other kids are having. (Maybe a reception age might, but... just say no?

[PorkFlute]

Wanting other people to change how they parent so you don’t have to bother dealing with saying no to your child is just lazy imo.
I’ve had it in the park when my kids have been climbing trees and other children are told they aren’t allowed and to get down resulting in a massive tantrum and cries of ‘but they’re doing it’ while the parent glares at me. I just think to myself sorry love but the fact your child is a brat that won’t follow your instructions isn’t my problem.

[Tomorrowillbeachicken]

I do it when walking but only because it’s a twenty to thirty minute walk

[TeddybearBaby]

I’m not fussed about eating in the street but I can’t be bothered trying to get snacks together when I’m rushing around trying to get everything done when I can make something / give them something at home.

[Drummingisfun]

I live 8 mins walk from school. I do give my ds a snack after school, however he either has it at home, or sitting on a bench at the park if we are heading straight there.
It's nothing big, an apple or some nuts and raisins. If I didn't give anything he'd be whining for his dinner at 3.45.
Our neighbour is usually picked up by grandparents and they always have some
Sort of cake or giant cookie for her. This results in my kids demanding to know why they are getting fobbed off with a poxy apple.

[needtogiveitablow]

AllesAusLiebe It’s not the question, it’s the sweeping assumption behind it that all children are like hers and that it’s parenting at fault here! There have been many reasons demonstrated as to why some kids get given snacks after school, if the OP disagrees then fair enough but no need for the excuse that it must be a British custom they are unaware of - if you want to slag off other people’s parenting then go ahea led but don’t be surprised to get your arse handed to you!

[ChardonnaysPrettySister]

It’s to shut them up so you don’t actually have to talk to them in the time between pick up and sitting them down in front of the telly/tablet.
Tried and tested, give it a go!
Tried and

[Skyejuly]

We were recommended an instant snack with my asd son to avoid change and sensory issues .....

[LARLARLAND]

My DS have always been starving after school. I did sometimes bring a treat but I preferred to give them a small sandwich or pitta and hummus and a glass of milk, which filled them up until they had their evening meal. They never had a problem with the weight.

[HoneyBlush]

I'm foreign to and my DC have some snack on the way home so nationally got nothing to do with it.

[MrsSnootyPants2018]

You'll find that the parents who do this are the ones with a need to be their child's best friend all the time and have no discipline.

[californiascreaming]

I do this - a typical snack is a tube yoghurt and a bag of mini cheddar for the walk home with her little sister.
Why?
Because she's starving and grumpy and the school lunch doesn't fill her up like a home lunch - not sure If it's their portion portion size or the taste.
That way we can meander home while she 'comes round' and the toddler can walk at toddler pace - taking about 15-20 minutes rather than the usual 5 minute march.
The timing gives a head start so that by the time tea is ready at 5.30/6ish she is ready to eat it properly and then we can do our bedtime routine.
I.e. A snack on walking out of school fits our family routine and my child's food requirements.
You can be judgy all you like - have you not realised people and families can do things differently...

[TwoBlueShoes]

I live abroad. Primary school aged kids walk home from school every day. Our walk takes about 20 minutes. Some are shorter, some are longer. People would be very shocked to see a school child walking home with a snack. It just isn’t done here. I can see the OP’s point. If kids abroad can manage without it, why the insistence that British kids need it?

[Chocolatecoffeeaddict]

Why does it matter to you? People will do things differently to you,as PP said there's no wrong way or right way.

[treaclesoda]

I was having a think about this and realised that I have never seen anyone do this at my kids school.

Not that that means anything at all in the grand scheme of things...

[starfishmummy]

I have obviojsly failed as a mother. Not only did I never meet my son and hand him a snack, he waited until family dinner time before eating. Well not quite true I did used to offer him a snack when we got in because dinner is not until much later but he always refused. He knew/knows he can ask for something but never does

[MrsSnootyPants2018]

@californiascreaming then why not make you child a home lunch to take in? Seems silly spending money on a school lunch that's not filling her up and having to spend again on a snack.

[TwoBlueShoes]

@LARLARLAND

The OP doesn’t mean after school snacks in general. She specifically means parents who give their kids snacks at the school gate rather than waiting 5 minutes until they get home. Unless you mean you greet your child at the school gate with pita bread and a glass of milk?

[Ellapaella]

When I was at primary school my mum used to let me and my sister choose a 10p mix bag of sweets from the newsagent on the way home - every single day. We've both survived.. got to the grand old age of 39 without any tooth decay or major health concerns.
Live and let live OP.

[LittlePaintBox]

I blame A Finger of Fudge

[bigKiteFlying]

If you feel strongly that you don’t want your child to have it then you just need to thank his friends parent for the offer and politely refuse.

I've tried that with DD2 – other mother’s English is variable and she frequently claims not to understand - and then I had a mile walk home with a sulking child.

As girls got older they often wouldn't ask - I've tried point out her teeth issues which again leads to sulks but is slowly seeping in – though avoiding entire situation is my preferred option. (My older two DC turn food down but this one will eat junk to point of sickness and has not learnt from that.)

I did once get told off by another parent picking up from an after school activity as DD2 was eating a huge lolly - causing her child to want one and start whining. I pointed out I hadn’t given it to my child it was a school class prize which she's opened at end of activity before we were let in. What was I supposed to do take her prize off her?

Led to rant about school policies – she had a point though as school was healthy eating and very difficult about packed lunches at the time. Though I declined to complain about the teacher in question I suggested she could raise it herslef with head teacher in a more general way.