Why do parents do this at pick up?

[Infomerkel]

I've name changed for this as I dont want to offend anyone I know IRL.

My DS is in a very small primary school. There is always a set of parents who meet their kids at the pick up doors with a 'treat' (bag of crisps, chocolate donuts, cupcakes etc). But I know where these kids live and its within a 3 minute walk of the school. Why do they need a snack at the door?

My DS is also usually starving after school but can manage the 3 min walk home, wash his hands and then sit at the table to eat.

I just don't get it? I'm foreign so maybe its a custom I haven't come across before? I've always wondered about it, but figured each to their own. But now, DS's best friends dad will often bring a 'treat' for DS as well. It's extremely kind and I'm always very grateful and thank him. But I don't want him having a treat every single day after school. I'm a bit strict at home about not making junk food into a habit but I don't want to come across as judgy or sanctimonious. I also feel odd not reciprocating and bringing treats in.

AIBU to not understand this?

And you need to understand this why?
Because it’s affect her and her parenting now?

DS's best friends dad will often bring a 'treat' for DS as well. ... But I don't want him having a treat every single day after school.
I also feel odd not reciprocating and bringing treats in.

I agree you can't dictate what other parents do. First thing to do is have a word or politely and consitently decline treats - if that doesn’t stop it avoid walking back with them.

Dd2 is fine with other children having treats and her not being brought any the problems come when she is offer something she wants and I say no. Once no is said that's it trantrums and sulks don't change anything but every bloody time she'll still try and some days I really resent having to deal with the situation entirely of other parents making.

Because my dd often lashes out at me at pick up. A packet of crisps seems to help her transition from school to heading home.
I tried not doing snacks but was frankly fed up of being bitten and kicked.

We are 5 minutes walk from school. I meet dd with a snack, not because she needs it right that second and couldn't wait until we got home or much longer if needed. I do it to avoid needing to give ds an extra snack half an hour after his had his afternoon snack.

Last half term I met her with an ice pole most days as she was coming out of the green house of a class room they were in very grumpy. It made out evenings a lot less shouty.

Mine now 4 and 6 (been at same school and pre school for a year) initially wanted something to eat the second they saw me. Having a snack to hand made getting home more bearable. I couldn't cope with hungry tired tears after rushing back from work to get them.

A friend often offers them cakes/biscuits and it is annoying but I am able to say 'No thank you' and I don't reciprocate so the message is pretty clear.

Now I make them wait a while - like until they're out of school gates to avoid snack comparison with friends. But the whole wash your hands and sit nicely at the table thing doesn't happen for me till dinner.

Oh and this might shock you but sometimes I bribed my 3/4 yo with sweets at pick up if he went into class nicely. A lollipop at 3pm worked wonders but didn't fill him up too much.

I don’t think the OP was implying that all British parents do this, just that it is more common in the UK than the country she is from.

Oh there was a definite attempt to generalise. For effect.

On a different tack, I reckon it's teaching children it's ok to eat in the street - something that didn't happen in the past and is totally unnecessary. People aren't learning to delay gratification, and all the litter on the streets - junk food wrappers, sugary drink bottles, chocolate wrappers, crisp packets - are a testament to that.

TBH I can't imagine any really 'ravenous' or 'starving' children walk through the school gates at the end of the day.

Different matter if the children are going to an OOS activity, but it's not necessary to thrust something in their hands as they emerge from the school gates.

Of course not all UK parents do this. We know this and if we want to muse over the reasons why some parents do it, then we couch the OP in a more careful way.

To be fair I'm pretty surprised kids are eating lunch as early as 11.45

Well the only two parents who have offered sweet snacks to my DS after school were non-British.

It's got nothing to do with nationality! Some do it one way, others do it another way!

For what it's worth, I gave DS an apple or something similar at pick up everyday throughout reception. He's the kind of kid that just needed it. In year 1 he didn't need the snacks so much, so tended only to get fruit if we were heading somewhere like swimming or dance after school. In year 2 he was generally able to wait until we reached our destination til fuelling up! But on days where he had a sport after school he still needed a snack straight at pick-up because otherwise their wouldn't really be time for him to digest it etc.. before exercising (I don't think it's great to shovel something down immediately before a long run or big football match)

Well, as others have said, OP, we have that hard-fought-for ranking in the rates of childhood obesity and tooth decay to hang onto! When I used to collect mine after school, I'd take a snack if we were going on somewhere - playing outside in the park in the summer, or to sports lessons. And I wouldn't do a separate 'children's tea', we'd eat together, usually closer to 8 than 7, so a decent snack - sandwich or cheese & olives, fruit and sometimes a biscuit/KitKat - would keep everyone going. But it is annoying if your loving maternal efforts to provide decent food and keep the sugar/additives content down are up against the more exciting muffins/doughnuts/cakes/crisps that other children are getting, and being judged wanting. And if another adult is then regularly giving this stuff to your child, out of some misguided view that your child is missing out, that is not on!

Unfortunately, the period when you can control what your child eats is pretty short. Mine chooses all kinds of crap these days, but knows the difference between good stuff and rubbish, so hopefully the lessons will stick in the longer term.

I reckon it's teaching children it's ok to eat in the street

EATING IN THE STREET!!!

That's because it is no longer 1954 and it is ok to eat in the street, as long as you don't drop litter.

I don't get it. Never happened when I was a kid, or when I had my own, and we didn't suffer from behaviour issues. We just waited until tea time, which was 5 o'clock. 3 meals a day and no daily "treats". Seems we're breeding a special sort of snowflake these days.

I remember coming out of school absolutely starving. I did have to wait until I got home but then ate a Wispa bar and had a glass of Coke, then a full dinner. My kids eat healthier than I did in the 80s in spite of having after school snacks at the school gate sometimes.

I only do it when we are picking a child up for a playdate at ours. We are a 10 minute walk from school. I will only give my DC a snack if they are persistent about it when we get home because I feel that there is no need. They are great eaters, eat a good substantial packed lunch, and it is better for them to have 3 meals a day.

Snacks are almost always processed or carb/fat/salt heavy and don't work to satisfy appetite. Obesity is so high in children these days and it is obvious that not allowing them to feel hunger, and this endless snack/treat culture is doing them no favours.

Just my opinion. I don't judge, but do not understand it.

Eating in the street is a recent thing? Really? Read some of the books like Family from One End Street and you'll see it was done 100 years ago

To answer the OP.
They may not only live 3 minutes away. We were 45 minutes walk away.
They may be going on to something else-picking up siblings or swimming or something
They may not eat until much later than you eat

Op it annoys me too.

I have my own snacks at home and before dc eat we wash hands throughly... I cringe seeing people offer them food and it's hard to say no! But hands not washed.

It's jot a new thing. Back in the late 70s and 80s me and most of my friends walked home without an adult in groups from the age of 6. Many days we stopped at the shop to buy sweets wth our pocket money on the way home. It wasn't handed to us by patents at the gatebut we still snacked on the way home. Then we usually had toast or bread and butter or fruit before we went out to play to tide us over untill tea time. I'm sorry but these story's of not having anything between meals n the 80s is just not true in most cases.

Only on MN can someone ask a reasonable question and get sarcastic replies.

I think that the presented snacks to small children after school,has just become a habit, and people have become like sheep now,as in all follow suit.
Also,I have often seen parents, go straight into the village shop here after schools out, and their kids come out with several items of junk food and fizzy drinks each. Not my business of course, but its all very odd.

She isn't coming across that way. She's just questioning why some parents feel their children can't possibly go another minute without some food. It's uncouth, if you ask me

Agreed.

I don't think of it as a custom as such tho, just a western obsession with food having to be on hand all the time. I only thought about it due to this post, it's just everyday life here really.

We're a 'foreign' family too and back home anybody eating on transport would get short shrift, it's seen as height of bad manners. I saw a woman on a bus recently eating a full meal then dessert then washed down with a drink. It annoyed me so much, but more so I think it was the sounds of her swallowing and gulping. I think it's nasty to eat like that on public transport. She didn't pick up her rubbish either

I still think 'yuk' when I see kids on the bus eating chicken & chips, talking mouth open wide whilst they're eating. Hate the smell of junk food.

Also back home kids go home after school to eat, you don't see them eating on the street or have parents arrive at school pickup with bags of sweets. You do tend to see them in fast food restaurants on a Friday. End of week/parent doesn't cook on a Friday thing. & they're inside sitting down eating, not wandering along with food

It's not as strict as it may sound, of course treats are had. It's just not constant/relentless..so they really are treats in that respect.

My ma used to give us a jam sandwich when we got home and it was just the thing to lift the energy levels til dinner. I've done the same and so I wouldn't judge. The only thing which is a bit inconsiderate is giving snacks in front of other smaller children purely because it's aggro for the parents "why can't I..." Etc

The French goûter is eaten at home

Not everywhere. When my mate was an au pair she had to bring goûter for les enfants to the school gates and a brief Google has shown that school-gate-goûter is a thing. I agree they eat later though.

I do this for DD2 because she has a 10 minute walk to go and collect DD1 from her school and then she has a bit of a wait for DD1. Usually 5 minutes wait until DD1’s class is let out and then another few minutes while DD1 is always the last out . And then we have at least 15 minutes until we get home.

They come out of school hungry and 30 minutes is a long time when you’re a child. Plus it used to keep her going on the walk. I didn’t often give her (shock horror) crisps, it would vary - sometimes fruit, sometimes a granola bar, sometimes a biscuit.

My mum used to bring me smarties everyday! Hoik your judgy pants at that!