My mother just turns up and walks into my house?

[oldschooloon]

I'm curious as to how normal this is, I'm 50 and my mother still thinks, despite finally being told no clearly after years of hints and resistance, that she can just turn up unannounced at my house.
I've at least finally managed to train her not to also just walk in without knocking.

Expecting people to knock on the door isn't being unwelcoming though! It's just giving them a little warning you're there so they can put a bathrobe on or something. If your family does things in the open door way that's fine, for you, but it's not peculiar if they don't. Bottom line is if you're coming round to someone's house you should do it the way that works for them, especially if they've asked you repeatedly to do it that way. Just because they're family doesn't mean you don't have to be considerate - in fact, wouldn't you be more considerate towards people you love?

I won't even start on the being jealous of your grandchildren thing, except to say that perhaps my greatest joy in life is seeing my PFB interact with his wee babes. I don't need him fussing round me as well because I'm not 4 years old or less . This is probably why he's happy to ask me round on a regular basis - and yes, I do always wait to be asked. They live a very busy life.

Of course it all depends on the relationship dynamic and anyone who claims there is a blanket rule that doesn't take account of that, is being disingenuous.

What I'm still curious about., as none of the 'droppers in' has answered my question, is, why is the element of surprise so important to you?

Why would forewarning people, checking that a particular day or afternoon might suit, ruin everything for you?

If it wouldn't, then why so scathing about the idea of 'making an appointment' aka an arrangement with someone?

OP, I think the best way to disabuse your DM on her right to access your house at any given moment, is to set up an alarm for when she approaches your driveway. It can be something simple such as laying down crunchy gravel so that you can hear her footsteps. This will give you ample warning to grab Dpartner, rip off your clothes and engage in a particularly intriguing pose from the Karma Sutra.

Oh, the look on her little face.

Failing that, pop a bucket of water on top of the front door and then blame the harmless prank on the teenagers. What japes

Statistically DM says something similar: "All my friends just stop what they're doing and chat." Yes, while their DC have to make themselves sandwiches because no one's cooked supper, and stay up until midnight on a school night because no one's sent them to bed.

I agree lottie. Ring me, let me say I can't get back before 9.50, and I have to leave again at 2.55, absolutely no problem. I have a son to get to and from school, and shopping to do.

OK, for those who think that an open door is an invitation to wander in whenever they want, I have a question: I have a stable door. If the top half is open but the bottom half is locked, does that mean people are allowed to let themselves in or not? Are they allowed if they can vault through the opening, or would reaching in to open the lock be ok?

I would say they aren't allowed to enter but are allowed to lean over for a good nose around

I would view that as effectively an open window, so no, of course I wouldn’t expect anyone to climb in through it!
But an open door to me is an invitation to walk in, because I’ve never lived in a house without a yale lock.

I’ve never even known anyone who did.

This debate gets funnier and more contentious every time I look at it ... so, greyhound, is that any open door? lol, An unlocked door is wholly normal for way more people than you realise clearly, alot of country houses don't have yale locks, my last house had a big old key that looked like it should be in a glass cabinet.
I don't accept at all that an unlocked door is an invitation to just walk in, anymore than a closed but unlocked bedroom door is an invitation to just sail into someones private personal space uninvited.
I expect anyone who wants to rock up in my day for any reason to drop me a quick message or call to see if im around and open for a visit. Irrelevant whether im actually busy, its my home, my day, my life, and my dp, my friends, and other family members are all wired exactly the same.
If open door policy is normal for others, great, y'all crack on over there, us hermits who prefer privacy and the right to dictate how we conduct our day, even if we are just loafing watching daytime tv in pj's at noon, or staring at the ruddy wall, insist on the right to do all of that without sudden intrusions from anyone who doesnt actually live under the same roof :)

I had a family member who used to do this to another family member and she confided in me that if she rang ahead she would often be told it wasn't convenient. So she just dropped in because she wanted to, on the basis that it is easier to ask for forgiveness that to ask for permission. I do think she liked to go there because she felt some kind of ownership of the place because it was in the family, if only through ILs.

I’d hate it if my family felt unwelcome in my house. We all walk into each others houses.

I really wouldn't be able to cope with this. I'm a very private person and like my own space. Don't get me wrong, it's nice to have visitors who we've invited to come and are expected.

And this very moment, Reddit has a matching story.

www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/9deixa/the_time_she_called_the_cops_on_us_namely_me/

Will we all start saying "lock the bloody door" instead of "cancel the cheque"

I think there’s probably a bit of middle-ground between making family feel unwelcome in your home, and not wanting anyone to just walk straight in and catch you laying a massive cable with the bathroom door open.

Saucyjack, I've just shot tea down my nose.

But yes, quite 😂😂😂😂

Jesus H, I hope my mother doesn't read that reddit thread, she'll take notes 😱

I hadn't mentioned her raging alcoholism, found her in my drive asleep behind the wheel with the engine running once, half a bottle of rose' in her lap.

Maybe its because I have always lived in cities ..but I cannot imagine ever just walking into someone elses house...and no-one would be walking into mine .....

where mil lives they also dont lock doors and will pop in/out but even they knock......
she used to walk into DH flat without warning too - stopped the first day I was there.....only I think as FIL was embarrassed .....

however I think you may have to start locking the doors if she doesn't listen

You can't complain about people just walking in when you don't lock the door

I know this was pages back, but I can't get my head round this. So, just because I haven't LOCKED my door, people are free to just open it and come in? Whaaaat? My front door is never locked when I'm in (I do lock it at night though). No-one has ever just come in through it. It's a door, it's closed, the polite thing to do is to ring the bell and wait for it to be answered.

Apart from the one time when I was cooking and a man I didn't know came in the front door, shouted "hello everyone, I'm here!", and then realised he'd come in the wrong house.

Surely everyone, no matter how social, needs a space they can retreat to and have some privacy? Surely???

Oh god, I used to go cook my nanas lunch when she was in sheltered accommodation, I'd knock and call out as i entered, as she had trouble standing and it was daily, that was our norm... did it one day and I'd got the wrong bungalow 😱😂
Profuse apologies and one new friend later, I'd cook two lunches, Gladys next door didn't get many visitors 😎

I’ve not read all the previous pages, but no I wouldn’t like my mum just walking into my house, but I’m not that sort of person. I knock to go in to her house, so I’d expect the same.

That being said if she’s so stuck in her ways and won’t listen to you, short of barring her, get a lock (or use the existing one) and the teens a key.
It’s what I had to do if I went out and I was locked out for half an hour maybe once as a kid?

Yes, I leave the bathroom door open if we don't have guests too, Saucy. I don't really want my mum wandering in.