My mother just turns up and walks into my house?

[oldschooloon]

I'm curious as to how normal this is, I'm 50 and my mother still thinks, despite finally being told no clearly after years of hints and resistance, that she can just turn up unannounced at my house.
I've at least finally managed to train her not to also just walk in without knocking.

I never lock doors in daytime. Family knock, open door, shout 'it's me" and walk in.

Is your home contents insurance even valid?

These threads come up so often, I'm starting to think literally no-one on MN who lives rurally, has home contents insurance.

Is your home contents insurance even valid

If someone walks in through an unlocked door and steals stuff the OP's insurer may refuse to pay up. However, if someone forces entry through a window, say, the insurer should still pay up even if the door was unlocked.

I often just turn up at my parents house and walk in. Unless DM hasn't been outside yet the front door is usually unlocked, I also have a key though. If they asked me to knock and wait I would but it irritates them when they have to get up and answer the door to family members.

In fact if it wasn't that my front door has and old style Yale lock then I'd leave it unlocked. I find it weird (because for me it is unusual) that people constantly lock their doors, makes me glad I live in a small village.

It's not a fucking Generational Thing!

God that gets on my nerves.

It's a personality thing. It's a boundary thing. It's a ^respect* thing.

My parents (long since dead) didn't do it. I don't do it, my children don't do it.

Some people do it. Feel free to tell them you don't like it and it has to stop!

'May' refuse to pay up?

I've never seen a single policy where they would pay a penny if the home was left unlocked.

But burglars tend not to force windows open if the doors are unlocked (and I imagine they do try them, it takes seconds), so it’s all academic really.

For those talking about insurance being invalid if you don't lock your doors, I don't know of a single insurance policy that requires you to have your doors and windows locked whilst you are in the property. That is ridiculous.

Fine, when you leave the property and it is unoccupied then yes, your doors and windows should be locked. But whilst you are in the house then this is not a requirement. I'm amazed at the amount of people who obviously want to live in Fort Knox! My doors and windows are open all day and my front door is unlocked whilst I'm in the house. If you want to lock all of your doors and windows whilst you're in the house then fine. But it's not an insurance invalidation not to lock them whilst you're at home

Your premiums are significantly reduced for things such as burglar alarms and window locks.
They’re quite clear that these things actually have to have been in use at the time of a burglary for the policy to be valid.
So actually leaving the front door open to all comers? No chance in hell would an insurer pay out, even if you claim they got in through a window.

Nowadays with phones and answering machines, not reasonable. After all, you'd want to ensure there was milk to put in coffee or tea, and also not miss someone by a few minutes.

Some people are totally OK with people popping by unannounced. Some prefer notice (or an appointment if you prefer). Some don't want people to let themselves in whether they know they're coming or not. Whatever the hosts preference is it should be respected. The problem here is that OP's mum refuses to respect her boundaries; she knows her daughter doesn't like it, has a health condition, might be sleeping etc but she considers her wish to just walk in whenever to be more important than her daughter's need for privacy.

That's not OK.

My own mother (now blissfully NC thank the lord) refuses to respect boundaries. It's like she considers me an extension of herself to do with as she wishes, and my home likewise. Her line when pulled up on just turning up one day despite being asked to let me know when she was coming was "I don't know anybody who needs to make an appointment to see her daughter". Well, bully for you. I'm introverted, autistic, and my home is my sanctuary. You come in when invited.

On occasion she's turned up when I've been lying undressed on my sofa just under a blanket. That's my comfy place. Comes in "what's wrong with you, why are you lying down". Because it's my bloody house and I want to, that's why. On that occasion she knocked but DD opened the door and she just walked in, she wasn't expected at all.

We have a local prowler who has been spotted walking down the streets testing doors. I guess there is less of a risk rurally but even so I wouldn't risk it.

f someone walks in through an unlocked door and steals stuff the OP's insurer may refuse to pay up. H

My insurance, which is commodity not something exotic, requires evidence of forced entry if the house is empty for an extended period or under various circumstances involving guests. It explicitly does not require evidence of forced entry otherwise, although there is a general “reasonable precautions” clause.

My sister arrives unannounced and comes in without knocking. She wouldn't come upstairs though - she'd just yell up from downstairs. I don't find it annoying and do the same in her house. My parents sometimes arrive unannounced but they knock (often on the window of my downstairs office because they know that is where I am). I don't knock on their door but I do shout in from the kitchen and wouldn't go upstairs looking for them.

This all sounds like normal family stuff to me. We do live fairly close though and see each other most weeks. We don't make special visits unannounced (I just like round the corner from the supermarket the rest of the family use!)

I have just checked our insurance policy wording and it says specifically you need to lock doors at night and when you leave your home unattended.

So it's definitely fine that I leave the door unlocked in the day when I'm home. I'm pretty sure this has been the case on our insurance forever. It never came up as an issue when we lived in a city as we had a Yale on the front door. Now we live in a village we don't have a Yale just deadlocks.
Very few people make it to the door without being noticed though as we have a very long driveway which is very visible from the house.

Reasonable people would do what you've asked, but you've said she's not reasonable. If you can't change what she does, you'll have to change what you do.

If a burglar walks in because I've left the door unlocked whilst I was asleep, the fact that I may be able to claim for what he steals on insurance is only of limited comfort to me: the fact that someone has been wandering around the house whilst I was alone and vulnerable would freak me out.

I just walk into my mums house all the time. Feel odd to call and arrange in advance.

"If you can't change what she does, you'll have to change what you do."

That is excellent advice

If you're averse to installing a Yale lock so people need a key then it will have to be a Star Trek style palm recognition pad - just load up all the palm prints of people who can have access, easy! She will be stood at the door until you decide to let her in.

I may be dreaming this.....

Wish my mother was alive and popping round ☹️

Bingo

We're an open door policy home here for close friends and family. We're all the same too. Id feel weird asking my mum to make an appointment to come round.

"If you can't change what she does, you'll have to change what you do."

That is excellent advice

Seconded! I think what you should change is letting her in - from now on, every time she turns up unannounced, send her away. You're exhausted and just about to go for a nap; you have to crack on with these figures because Moira needs them back by three; you've got an appointment with the podiatrist in half an hour; ring me later and we can make arrangements for tomorrow. Make it more worth her while to play by your rules than to ignore them.