My mother just turns up and walks into my house?

[oldschooloon]

I'm curious as to how normal this is, I'm 50 and my mother still thinks, despite finally being told no clearly after years of hints and resistance, that she can just turn up unannounced at my house.
I've at least finally managed to train her not to also just walk in without knocking.

I'm guessing it's more the turning up unannounced?

That if you were expecting her at x time it would be Ok for her to knock & walk in?

Are you always in when she "pops" by?

Mmmmm, wherever you live you should definitely lock your doors. Alternatively have a bleeper on your gate or similar to warn you that someone is arriving. But didn't your dogs bark when she was near the door?

Sorry, but I wouldn’t put up with it. I hate it when something or someone is dropped on me unannounced. Start locking your door and pretend not to be in. Maybe if she wastes a few journeys she’ll get the message to call first.

All of these comments regarding my unreasonable behaviour complaining she walks in yet won't lock the door, I find that astonishing tbh, my teens bedrooms don't have locks on them, but I wouldn't just walk in on them... I realise that's a simplistic analogy lol, but I'm wired to need warning or a convo if someone needs to call in. End of

I'm a grandmother and when I visit my daughter and grandchildren I knock, shout hellooo and open the door unless I know my DD is at work and her DP is home then I knock and wait. At my home I would expect the same from my immediate family, if I'm doing something I don't want to be disturbed doing, I lock the door.

If I'm expecting her, it's absolutely fine.

It may depend on your relationship with your mum and how close you are, but if you don't feel comfortable with it just tell her so.
I think it was probably more the norm in my Gran's generation as back then all her neighbours just used to open her back door, step inside and shout "Hello? Are you there?"
They didn't think anything of it then, but obviously times have changed and most people do keep their doors locked now (and most people have the courtesy to knock and wait).

Iamagreyhound - that does assume that whatever someone is doing at home doesn't matter, so they can happily drop it, as entertaining the visitor will always be preferable, and their tasks at home aren't important.

I'm at home this afternoon, but I have plans for that time. If someone called me and asked if I was free for a brew, I'd say no. If be annoyed at the assumption that unless I physically leave the house, nothing I have to do can matter.

It's so arrogant to assume other people can't possibly have anything better to do with their time than spend it with you.

Your life style has enabled your DM and you have the solution. It’s easier to change your own behaviour than that of your mum. Put Yale locks on and use them. DC will soon get used to slipping a key in their pockets or wearing a lanyard. I bet they always carry their phones and a key takes up a lot less space than that

Or get those coded key pad locks and change the codes often so your mum only has them when it suits you.

People do what works for them, the current situation clearly works for your mum. It’s you who wants a change so it’s up to you to effect it.

My exMIL used to do this, but stopped after barging in one day to find us in an extremely intimate position ... you could have bottled and sold the horrified look on her face

Is it possible to see yours arriving from any distance? Only I'm wondering if you could "stage" something similar?

She knows what days I'm likely to be in due to my work arrangements, she also knows I keep to a fairly traditional working day and am extremely busy, I need time to put my head in a different mode to do people, especially her.
But that's a side issue to the opening question, as I was trying to understand how normal her behaviour on this is

Puzzled, I've been sorely tempted to do that! Hehehe

" Start locking your door and pretend not to be in. Maybe if she wastes a few journeys she’ll get the message to call first."

I agree.

Op, you don't want to lock your door, but a downside of that is your u just walking in when she wants to.

She doesn't respect you enough to not do it when asked.

So, how badly do you want an unlocked door vs how badly do you want to stop her turning up & getting in the house when you're not expecting her/don't want her there?

" as I was trying to understand how normal her behaviour on this is "

Taking no notice of her daughter's wishes you mean?

OP you do realise that if you were burgled your insurance would not cover you if your door was unlocked?

Lock the door. It is that simple.

We fell out about this a few years ago, as she would text, but the service is poor and I wouldn't get it for hours, I've told her what works best for immediate connection but she didn't like that and would drive over and sit outside with her hand on her horn. THAT I took great exception to.

There is nothing “abnormal” about her behaviour.

Walking in though the door. Which has been left unlocked. So getting in is easier. Etc

YANBU OP, if you have asked her repeatedly not to do it and she continues.

YANBU to leave your door unlocked either. I live in a rural area and nobody I know locks their front door if they are in the house.

my mother still thinks, despite finally being told no clearly after years of hints and resistance, that she can just turn up unannounced at my house.

Then, in the nicest possible way, you haven't told her 'no' clearly enough and I imagine that this is not unrelated to the 'years of hints and resistance' bit.

I'd use the naps as a pretext to tell her that she MUST let you know in advance that she is coming in case you are asleep - in fact I'd make a bloody point of being asleep every time she turned up unannounced!

another MNer who said her aunty always popped her coat on when opening the door when she wasn't expecting anyone- if it was someone she wanted to let in she'd say "Oh I just got back myself", if she didn't want to see them "Oh I'm about to pop out". I thought that was genius.

haha some brilliant suggestions in this thread! Love this one.

I DO knock when visiting them but my father finds this very offensive as I am implying that they are doing something they wouldn't want visitors to see which is a slur on their character.

You can't feckin' win with some people.

@FrancisCrawford, A Snob lock sounds great, would keep my sister out!

“All of these comments regarding my unreasonable behaviour....”

I’m commenting myself from the position of someone whose own mother is unreasonable 99% of the time, and personally I’ve always found it much easier to establish my own boundaries than to expect her to wake up one morning and not want to be a massive pain in the arse.

It really isn't that odd not to lock your door. We don't all live in towns and whilst yes there are burglaries everywhere mostly they are when the occupier is out. Having said that, if I was going to bed, I would lock mine.

And with the OP's mother, it wouldn't make a difference as she's still just turning up.

No, she doesn't need an appointment but it is courtesy to tell people that you want to pop round, is it convenient. Especially as the OP isn't in the best of health and needs to rest without being disturbed.