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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask what career you want for your child or children?

354 replies

glammother31 · 05/09/2018 08:15

Have you got it all mapped out or are you just going to roll the dice? Will they go to uni or have you not decided?

I'd be really interested to hear different points of view.

OP posts:
LunaLovegoodsRadishes · 05/09/2018 12:27

My DD has wanted to be a fairy, a witch, a scientist, a vet or veterinary nurse, a farmer, a shop owner, a photographer, a photojournalist...she is 12 now and still has no firm idea. But she has a long time to decide. As long as she isn't doing anything illegal or morally dubious it's fine. I have only advised her to get a trade or profession, but it is really down to her to decide.

RomanyRoots · 05/09/2018 12:33

I think some children do know at a young age what they want to do.
I have one that has known from age 3, it's not boasting or thinking how good or lucky I am, it's down to her.
Two other dc didn't know what they wanted to do until a few years after leaving school, one still doesn't.

You have to support and encourage what they want to do, not what you think they should do.
Some girls will want to be ballet dancers, or footballers, or scientists when they are little, some will continue, but others will change their minds, that's to be expected surely.

Bluntness100 · 05/09/2018 12:38

It's very rare for a three year old to understand all the options available to them and their capabilities as well as what is involved in a career path.

At three we don't know how kids will turn out. They could have very specific skills or loves, like music. They could have additional needs, they could even be transgender, whatever. No one can predict it at 3.

Rebecca36 · 05/09/2018 12:40

Agree with you RomanyRoots. There's also the fact that life is more than a job, other factors will creep into their lives as they get older which have to be accommodated. So - let them grow up and find out all about it!

I don't think anyone has suggested we shouldn't encourage them to be as well educated as possible, of course everyone needs good foundations, just not to map out their future careers based on our own aspirations.

ChoudeBruxelles · 05/09/2018 12:42

I've not got my child's career mapped out as that's his decision. I will of course support him and offer advice (which is may choose to ignore) but it's not my life. It's his.

He wants to be a police officer - that's fine by me. Just hope he ends up doing something which he enjoys.

Justgivemesomepeace · 05/09/2018 12:46

DS wants to be a tiger.
DD wants to be a paramedic.
I want them to do jobs that make them happy and not end up like me.

Standbyyourmammaryglands · 05/09/2018 12:46

I actually thought there was some decent conversation that could be had with this but seen you are aiming for your DD to be a model?

Ffs... why are you setting the bar so low for her already? Why chose a path for her that solely depends on her appearance? What if she isn’t actually ‘pretty’ enough?

Proper shit that OP

alligatorsmile · 05/09/2018 12:46

TBH I'm hoping DD goes into a job that will be of use to me, like a masseur, hairdresser, plumber, painter and decorator, shoe designer or, as I will be doddery by then, probably, a doctor. But what I really want is for her to be happy and fulfilled in whatever lights her fire, as long as it's not illegal or dangerous!

Currently, however, at the age of 5, she is pretty much set on being a princess when she grows up. It's the jewels, I think.

BlaaBlaaBlaa · 05/09/2018 13:02

Not the parents choice . Don't be one of those parents that 'maps' out their child's future. As a former careers adviser I can tell you this rarely ends well.

Chickenwings85 · 05/09/2018 13:03

My daughter is 8 and so far she wants to be a doctor/nurse, a hairdresser, a gymnast, a ballerina, a vet, a teacher.... I'm sure we've heard more. I'm happy for her to do whatever shes interested in and makes her happy then I'll be happy.
My DP is a gamer/youtuber/streamer and while most people will scoff at the idea, he does exceptionally well and makes fantastic money from it and is a regular income for us.

BlaaBlaaBlaa · 05/09/2018 13:09

😂😂😂😂😂@glamm I guarantee you your 3 year old doesn't have her career all mapped out. She only just beginning to understand the concept of a job. She is not at career decision making stage.

Claiming to be one of the lucky ones because your daughter has already decided on a career path is delusional.

kaytee87 · 05/09/2018 13:13

My 2yo regularly pretends to be a dog (or a dinosaur), I'm going to research which uni is best for him.

DieAntword · 05/09/2018 13:15

@SpringSnow “throw under the bus” because I want them to be good people preferentially over happy people? I’d love it if they could be both of course but in Nazi Germany I would want them to be the people who were full of negative emotions (and did something about it) not the ones dancing in the beer halls! Wouldn’t you?

dancinfeet · 05/09/2018 13:16

I want my daughters to have jobs that make them happy, ideally that pay enough to not be very stressed constantly with money worries, but I would hate for them to go into work every day to a job that they hated.
Eldest DD has always wanted to be on the stage, from being a toddler. She went through a phase of saying that she was going to pursue an academic degree (I think, to please her dad) but eventually decided to pursue a career in performing and has her sights set on the West End. She has just started a full time course in professional musical theatre at a prestigious theatre college. She may get a lucky break in her career, she may not, but if it all goes backside up, she has good a-level grades, and the diploma course she is on can be converted to a degree with 1 year's further study. Right now she is happy, which makes me happy. Younger teen DD has no clue, but I am not going to tell her what to do, advise, help, guide yes, but tell her - no.

Armchairanarchist · 05/09/2018 13:17

I'd love to see an update in twenty years. You're deluded OP.

JayoftheRed · 05/09/2018 13:18

I would give anything for my boys to be footballers for our local team, helping them to their first ever Champions League title, and then England, winning the world cup in, what, 2034? Youngest ever players for England, captain, one of them scoring the winning goal, the other perhaps saving a penalty....

I suspect I will live in my own little world then wake up to find that they are accountants or something. So long as they're happy!

My eldest (5) announced the other day that he wants to be a police man because he likes telling people off, and the other (2) probably wants to be Thomas the Tank Engine or one of the Tracy brothers (Thunderbirds) although he would not be able to articulate that at this moment in time!

5 year old also announced at his recent drama show that he was going to be a ninja, when questioned further he admitted he had no idea what a ninja is, but Jimmy (not real name) said it so he said it...

I still want to be a Power Ranger, but my weight, age and complete lack of any martial art skill is probably holding me back. Still waiting for my Hogwarts letter too...

Growing up in the real world sucks!

LadyDeeDeeDee · 05/09/2018 13:26

Up to them. But obviously my oldest is going to win Wimbledon, the middle one is going to play rugby for England and the youngest is going to be on the west end stage.

In reality, oldest seems to be a bit engineer-y. Well, about as much as a six year old can be! The youngest, no idea yet, she's only two. As for the middle one, wouldn't surprise me if he actually did end up playing rugby for England.

corythatwas · 05/09/2018 13:33

As a university lecturer, I have more to do than I would wish with students whose parents thought they knew what path would be the right one for their offspring. I keep a box of tissues in my office specially for them.

Your parents' faith in you won't magically make you capable if you are not. Your own faith in yourself might not even make you capable if you are not. My db dreamed of being a musician, practised all hours of the day, his mother dreamed of him being a musician, out everything into supporting him, he got into the conservatoire- and had to leave after a year due to a small physical defect that neither of them had known about.

I see students who have had A*-stars throughout their school career and thought of themselves as desperately bored at school, but who have still not had what it takes to do well at university.

What I have wanted to instil in my children- apart from a work ethic- is flexibility. What I have actually got is one extremely hard-working child pursuing her dream, and one who is as lazy as fuck but will hopefully find a manual job and be made to develop a work ethic.

OftenHangry · 05/09/2018 13:39

My daughter already knows what she wants to be anyway. I guess I'm one of the lucky ones!

I assume this is lighthearted 😂
I also knew what I wanted to be when I was 3. FBI agent. Yup. 😂

Mummyschnauzer · 05/09/2018 14:05

And there goes another parent living life vicariously through their poor child. At 3 myDS wanted to be a bin man, at 4 a pilot, 5 a policeman, 6 he’s considering being a paramedic (must like uniforms). The only things don’t want him to do is join the army or ride a motorbike. He will probably ride a motorbike in the army. In reality so long as he works hard enough at school to give him options and we show him enough of the world to show the opportunities out their I’ll be happy if he’s happy. OP I would suggest if you continue trying to control your daughters life by the time she does get a job you will be so uninvolved in her life you’ll probably not even know what she’s doing for a living

DieAntword · 05/09/2018 14:07

@OftenHangry that’s pretty advanced, I don’t think I’d even heard of an FBI agent back then. Pretty sure I wanted to be a mummy or a doctor because those were the figures of authority who got to tell me what to do. Then when I started school I wanted to be a teacher. Once I got to secondary school I realised if I wanted real power I needed to be the Prime Minister.

Maybe it’s a good thing I was feckless after all!

Morethanthisprovincallife · 05/09/2018 14:19

Whatever they do I hope I instill in the to be the very best at it.

And not be afraid of change.

Silversun83 · 05/09/2018 14:31

Like a PP, both mine and my DH's parents were very laissez-faire and didn't offer much (if any) in the way of career guidance. None had been to university and probably because my dad had worked his way up into a professional career in the civil service thought that was still as easy to do (I left school in the early 2000s) and I had to actually fight against him to be 'allowed' to go to university.

As such, neither of us really had much clue about what we wanted to do and have both drifted along and into the jobs we have now. Which, don't get me wrong, I enjoy but I think we both could have achieved more with more guidance at an earlier age (and I know it's not too late!).

So DH and I have vowed to be much more hands on in terms of career guidance. Obviously we're not going to 'map out' their careers and anyway a lot will depend on their strengths and weaknesses, but we will offer advice on some of our mistakes and fully explore their options with them. Ideally if they go to university, they will do so with a career in mind if not with a vocational course, particularly due to the vast fees now charged.

Redgreencoverplant · 05/09/2018 15:43

As long as it is legal and he is happy then I will be 100% supportive of what DS wants to do. I would prefer him not to do a dangerous job but that's not up to me.

I was a high academic achiever and went down the accelerated management route but am so miserable I am about to start a job I am crazily over qualified for but which I think will make me happy.

GunpowderGelatine · 05/09/2018 15:43

Something academic.

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