AIBU to ask what career you want for your child or children?

[glammother31]

Have you got it all mapped out or are you just going to roll the dice? Will they go to uni or have you not decided?

I'd be really interested to hear different points of view.

Lighthearted, as obviously it’s up to them and nobody knows what will happen in the future.

But, I can definitely see my dd being in the police or armed forces or maybe an engineer. I hope she does choose something like that. I was in such a mad rush to settle down and have babies that I didn’t really forge a ‘proper’ career for myself beforehand, despite having a pretty good degree. Hindsight and all that. Now I have a job I really enjoy, but it’s low paid and not the most intellectually stimulating, but then, I can read in my down time of it’s intellectual stimulation I’m after!

My ds is only 7mo. No idea what he’ll do.

I suppose I just hope neither of them are horrible people when they grow up. In their work or personal lives...

And re the whole “I am a full time mum and I so just what you do PLUS I work” comments from some working parents to to sahps on here, (and numerous other threads); what do you think you’re paying nursery fees for? Childcare costs a fortune where I live. If caring for children is a nothing job and sahps are just unemployed, no occupation blah blah, then surely there’s no need for childcare.

I work evenings and weekends btw so that we don’t have to pay childcare, because if I worked the same days my dh does (Monday to Friday) it would actually COST us money. Ridiculous isn’t it? I love working and I need the ‘adult time’ away from dcs, so this is what we have to do to enable that and actually earn money to contribute to the household at the same time. And the number of times people have commented on how wonderful my dh is for looking after two children on his own , so I can go to work .

And don’t get me started on people making these snide comments who use their own parents / relatives for free child care. Have you any idea how fortunate you are if that’s you?

Working is a luxury for some people, so I’d seriously stop lording it over sahps, if I was some of the posters on here.

My extended family were so shocked when I was offered a more impressive weekday job which I couldn’t afford to take. But surely “it always pays to work”? Nope! Sorry. Sometimes it only pays for one of you to work, unless you can do what we do and switch in evenings and weekends.

@glammother31

Nothing further to add?

Op

Seems to be a parent of

Few words

Exactly, Yolanda. Well said.

Btw, my ds (14) wants to be a psychiatrist and my dd (17) wants to specialize in criminal law. Given their SN, I applaud and encourage them for their high hopes.

OP

Seems to be a parent of

Few words

Her 'brand' speaks for itself, don't you know?

They'll do what they want to do! My parents were awful about my dream career and wanted me to be a big bucks doctor or surgeon but instead I worked hard at my interest & got there in the end, now I don't hear a peep

I would never tell my kids what to do work wise tbh, that's up to them

Hilarious thread OP. Thank you!
At 3 DS1 wanted to be a dinosaur man. Now aged 17 he loves history and is a wonderful communicator. He'd be a great history teacher / academic. He's also great at YouTubeing and gaming. He's earned 14k in 12 months for a few hours effort once or twice a week.
I'm optimistic the lad has a bright future but if I want him to have a proper job, like you OP, I'll encourage him to consider cultivating his brand, promoting his lifestyle and using the power of social media to harness income streams.

At 3 years old my DD wanted to be mermaid. She even practiced by putting both legs into one leg of my tights and flopping about on the rug.

She grew up to be a technologist in the garment industry.

So I'm a lesser person because I care for my SN children rather than have a "job"? Not to be goady but your attitude is hurtful and demeaning, Lweji.

I never said that. I just said you don't have a job. You can't call it a job.
It's your occupation. Not a job.
In fact, it's worth a hell lot more than a job. You can't leave it and it's virtually 24/7.
It's not a job and I don't think you should call it a job. If nothing else, because calling it a job demeans what you do in caring full time for your SN child.

Whatever makes them happy! Nothing to do with the parents!

Adding to previous post:

A job is something you do to earn money. You can drop it, change it, opt out, even.
Not at all the same as caring full time for an SN child, or even your own child.

In the same vein, once we are mothers, we are all full time mothers. Those who have jobs are not part-time mothers. So, claiming to be a full time mother (OP) is offensive to mothers with jobs.

@DieAntword I was innocent and thought they are just like detectives. I used to run around with magnifying glass looking for things😂 Apparently I heard it on a tv and started calling myself that. Still not even a detective now. Damn it.

My DS is approaching decision time regarding choosing university or apprenticeship & to be brutally honest I don't think he's academic enough for university & is probably choosing it to have a good time for a few years. All I can do is point out the realities about university life but he will probably ignore me. I hope he chooses a career where he will use his skills and that he enjoys but also allows him a reasonable life style. It's fine to say 'I just want my DC to be happy' but that doesn't mean I would want them being an escort or struggling to put food on th table

Well said Yolanda

My own mother encouraged me to go back to work "to have a break, have someone else make you cups of tea, eat your lunch in peace, and get proper adult time"

All reasons some people might go back to work.

Hoever I was a teacher.

I’ve not decided anything, as why would I?

However my almost 2yo DD is very coordinated and never sits still so can I imagine she could do something sporty or involving a lot of activity for a career.

DH is getting her involved in learning Spanish versions of words she knows, and she’s picking it up quite well, so maybe a linguist?!

It’s nice to imagine what she’ll be like when she’s older, but I wouldn’t push my idea of what she would be like on her.

Either way as long as she’s not breaking any laws, she can choose.

DD1 wants to be an actress or something in the performing arts/creative industries.

DD2 I can see doing something outdoorsy, probably with animals, like being a farm vet. Or being a professional athlete, she is a good runner!

Harvard on scholarship for ds, Oxford for DD.

Mega careers afterwards. So they can keep me in the manner I'm accustomed to.

until my daughter was about 6 she wanted to be... a biscuit!! Now she is 10 she wants to be a marine biologist but I often remind her about the biscuit!

One of my kids wants to be a professional footballer, but he's a practical over thinker and has a back up plan to be a mechanic.

This is a bit unromantic of him, but I'm glad as I'm pretty sure that at age 11 he's already too old to have a chance of becoming a professional footballer - I think they're all spotted and hot housed in football academies by age 8, then 99% of them are kicked out with their hearts broken at 14 when it's clear which the 1% who will actually earn money playing football are.

When he was 3 he had a very specific ambition to be a milk tanker driver - only a milk tanker would do

This thread is funny!
When DD was 3 she wanted to be a mermaid. She is 6 now and has been firmly set on pilot for a couple of years, which I would be happy with! I expect she'll change her mind before then seeing as she's, um, 6.

DS is 3 and he has no fucking idea what a job is, never mind what he wants to do for one. If pushed, I suspect he would choose a train.

In all seriousness, if they turn out to be academic enough I would like to see them pick sciences such as physics, engineering or biomedical sciences as a degree to give them a wide range of well paid career choices across the globe.

Now, excuse me while I go off to part-time mother my children....

I'd ideally want her to have a challenging and rewarding career. She's my clone & v smart, so she needs a job that's challenging and she enjoys. I don't have her career mapped out but I do want her to be fulfilled

Most kids would say ok I'll stay at home and play Xbox all day!

A colleague's son said this. He now works in QC for a gaming house. That's right, he plays computer games for a living and is very well paid for it.

I'm not convinced 'happy' and 'doing something they love' is always the way to go. Societies that emphasis personal choice tend to end up with sex segregated careers. We have far fewer female engineers than countries where girls are encouraged to do well paid jobs so they have security.

The DC are well aware that we have the standard of living that we have because DH and I both have secure well paid jobs with good terms and conditions (this is more under the 'you are very lucky children, some people have far less than you' umbrella rather than 'get a good job one'). They have only expressed interest so far in jobs that require degrees and we do assume they'll go to Uni (since everyone in the extended family has) although my preference would be for a professional or a STEM degree and not humanities unless they are bright enough for the top Unis (lowest paid and least happy of my siblings has an English degree). And as they get older I will get them to think about pay and security. It doesn't matter how much you want to be an actor or artist or musician you need to realise that for most people that means NMW jobs a lot of the time while looking for their big break. You will be happier as a slightly bored small town solicitor who doesn't have to worry about how to pay for your next meal/car/boiler and has the time for hobbies at the weekend.

Who was it that said "they can do anything they want as long as it's medicine or STEM?
Me.
It is probably a cultural issue, but I would be very disappointed if my children chose (what I, with my cultural insensitivity perceive as) a softer option. So I can understand your parents. I wanted to do literature / creative writing myself, and my parents blackmailed and manipulated me into doing mathematics (which I was very good at, but it did not seem glam enough at that time). I am very grateful to them now for that timely common sense force-feeding.
In the UK educational choices seem to be at the moment a bit disassociated from the lifestyle consequences, due to a combination of the welfare state and the rigid class/wealth system (the combination I, as an outsider, find totally fascinating). A rich kid can do a media studies degree with absolutely no financial impact on their future. A poor kid can do a media studies degree with absolutely no financial impact on their future. A girl who chose to go into nursing is financially worse off for the nearest 15-20 years compared to her classmate who chose to have two babies and do nothing in terms of career or education. So why bother?

I never believed in making children live your dreams rather than thier own. I know a lot of people I went to school with had parents with dreams and futures all planned out for them. It’s thier lives they should do what they please with it, gotta make thier own mistakes, helps you to l3arn. Before I got pregnant I was planning on studying criminal psychology and forensic science, I couldn’t decide between being a CSI or FBI. My parents would rather I didn’t as I planned to move to New York. The stars had other plans and my DS arrived.
I think when. My DS is older he’s going to either be a computer expert (nearly there) or he’s going to be a designer of rollercoasters or something similar. My dd will probably be a beautician of some kind. Whatever they do, as long as they are happy I don’t care