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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Allowing 8 year old to see birth of her baby sibling?

292 replies

hibbledibble · 03/09/2018 09:07

I'm pregnant and my eldest DC has expressed that she would like to be there for the delivery.

All my previous deliveries have been straightforward, and I have coped well with the pain.

This time I'm planning a home birth, and the midwives are not opposed to her being there. They have said it is up to us.

This is definitely our last baby too, so her last chance to see a sibling being born.

I'm not sure if the idea is entirely crazy, or a wonderful thing to do.

Aibu to let her see the birth? As it is a home birth she can go to her room and read if she finds it too much.

OP posts:
OutPinked · 04/09/2018 08:38

No way. Just because your previous deliveries were straightforward, does not mean this one will be. The blood and gore, even the noises a birthing woman makes. It’s not appropriate viewing for a child.

TwoOddSocks · 04/09/2018 08:50

I think you'd need an adult who was responsible for her: just in terms of basic things like going with her for a drink and snack and also taking her out if anything goes wrong or becomes too much.

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 04/09/2018 08:56

I personally think after your update regarding her getting worried and upset during her sibling having jabs that you should certainly reconsider. There is nothing even remotely daunting about witnessing someone having a needle put into their arm. Honestly if she cannot cope with seeing that she hasn't got a hope in being able to witness a baby being born.

I think you will spend all your time worrying about her when you should be concentrating on your new baby. The loving moment you think will she will share with her new sibling could very well traumatise her and make her resentful of the new baby in the process.

HappydaysArehere · 04/09/2018 09:00

No. Don’t like this idea at all. Let her meet her sibling nicely clean and
nursed by a smiling mum. She is too young and it is unnecessary to involve her.

Original poster
hibbledibble · 04/09/2018 09:11

heads down I was surprised by it. I guess it was daunting as these were the preschool boosters, and her sibling had to be pinned down while screaming. Obviously not nice, but it had to be done. If I knew it would upset her then I would have gone after she had gone back to school.

In view of this I will be sending her off along with her siblings, unless it's a night time birth, in which case they will probably all sleep through it

OP posts:
lightlypoached · 04/09/2018 11:17

@sakura7 by holding her hand during contractions, by rubbing her back, by singing songs, by getting her sips of water, plumping up pillows? all the usual stuff which 8 year olds are more than capable of doing . Me and DD did 'row row row your boat' holding hands rocking backwards and forwards during contractions on the birthing ball, and when i made contraction noises she joined in and then we laughed afterwards as we both sounded like weird animals, and then the next contraction came.... a kind of big game really.

I hope it goes well for you OP and your DD

GorgonLondon · 04/09/2018 11:33

Good decision op. There are no benefits of putting a 7/8 year old through this

Leapfrog44 · 04/09/2018 17:48

Let her! It's the most natural thing in the world. Just explain beforehand that it's 'very hard work and very tiring' so she mustn't be worried if you make funny noises or look like you're in massive pain

Earthakitty · 04/09/2018 17:55

No....Bad idea.
Inappropriate.
I don't even know where to start.

Bobbi73 · 04/09/2018 18:09

My only concern would be if something went wrong. Even after straightforward births, things can go wrong. She could be deeply traumatised. If there is an adult that could be with her if she needs to leave then maybe it would be ok.
Definitely watch a couple of episodes of one born every minute too. Good luck

ToftyAC · 04/09/2018 18:09

I don’t see the problem. It’s a natural process. Let her watch a few One Born Every Minutes and if she’s ok with that and you’re ok with your DCs reaction, let her be there. If nothing else it might remind her to not take risks when she’s older lol.

Mummyof0ne · 04/09/2018 18:10

Why don't you show her a video on YouTube of an actual birth.

So she has an idea of actual how realistic/painful it is.

Then allow her to join, and like you said,
She can go up to her room if it's too much x

Aspenfrost · 04/09/2018 18:16

Such a bad idea. Most people would not even consider this to be a possibility.

Indya · 04/09/2018 18:17

My 3 year old son was present at the birth of his sister. He is now 33. It was a home birth. He was totally ok with it. “Mummy was having a tantrum “. They were very bonded straightaway and had no issues with sibling rivalry funnily enough. He did have a very close godfather looking after him though. I think it’s a good thing.

AmazingGrace16 · 04/09/2018 18:18

Go for it!! My 3yo will be there for the birth of his sibling :)

ChanklyBore · 04/09/2018 18:20

I’m curious as to why the people saying no are so very definite.

Even when there are many stories on here of it being fine for many kids and a positive thing.

Even more interested to know if my elder’s attendance at ds birth is something I should keep a secret as there seems to be an undercurrent of judgement at the choice my dc and my family made. Not that I tell many peo0le, no reasons to.

cactusplant · 04/09/2018 18:21

I wouldn't, but that's possibly because yesterday I was geared up to take our 5yo to our scan. He said he didn't want to go and when we got there we received devastating news.
You can't be certain what will happen and it might be distressing for her.

LoniceraJaponica · 04/09/2018 18:38

"I’m curious as to why the people saying no are so very definite."

In my case I just don't think I would feel comfortable with a child present.

Indya · 04/09/2018 18:38

That’s why you have a special adult there to take care of older child

shoesarefab · 04/09/2018 18:55

@hibbledibble

I am due any day now, have a 10 and a 7yr Old. I have home births and will let them both be there. I imagine the eldest will retreat to her room but the youngest is fascinated and can’t wait! You know your child, if you think she will be fine than go for it. Good luck!!

JamForBrains · 04/09/2018 19:00

I had my 4th at home. My other 3 were there and thought it was "awesome" (and still do). They were 8, 10 and 14. You know her best xx

DagenhamRoundhouse · 04/09/2018 19:03

I would think this would be the best contraception you could give her. She'll go straight for sterilisation at 18 if she sees what you go through!

Squamish · 04/09/2018 19:03

Chankly - because my husband found it shocking enough- me being in that degree of pain and him not being able to do anything, never mind a child.

Also my experience was things can start to go badly wrong with little notice (I was low risk and having on paper a water birth) - however I haemorrhaged and had an urgent c section

Sakura7 · 04/09/2018 19:04

Tofty there are natural processes that children don't need to see, including the act that lead to the pregnancy in the first place!

I just don't understand why anyone would want their small child in the room for this.

Kathandkim1 · 04/09/2018 19:13

It's an absolutely wonderful idea! Before birth was pushed into hospitals, women would birth at home with their families around them. And please don't show her episodes of one born every minute! That show is absolutely NOT a true picture of what happens during a birth plus it only shows what happens in hospital. Complete polar opposite to a home birth!!