Allowing 8 year old to see birth of her baby sibling?

[hibbledibble]

I'm pregnant and my eldest DC has expressed that she would like to be there for the delivery.

All my previous deliveries have been straightforward, and I have coped well with the pain.

This time I'm planning a home birth, and the midwives are not opposed to her being there. They have said it is up to us.

This is definitely our last baby too, so her last chance to see a sibling being born.

I'm not sure if the idea is entirely crazy, or a wonderful thing to do.

Aibu to let her see the birth? As it is a home birth she can go to her room and read if she finds it too much.

@jellybaby666
Yes, that's how many women die in childbirth now with all of the interventions we have.

Not what is 'natural and normal.

That was exactly my point...

That's with many iatrogenic causes too - higher rates of induction, for example. Interfering with birth doesn't make it any safer.

Sorry, I meant doesn't always make it any safer.

What is natural and normal is for about 1 in 20 women to die in childbirth during their lifetime. How tragic that we've lost touch with that. I'd be one of them

I don't believe your figures are correct for this country, but whether or not,... what has that to do with a healthy woman, who is expected to deliver normally deciding she will agree to allow her child, at their own request, and who is then prepared with information, be present at the birth of a sibling?

If there were any problems the child would be removed from the situation.
No one would expect you to allow your child to watch a birth, they respect your choice.

The poster has explained that her figure is based on what happens naturally, without the interventions we have now.

The point I'm trying to make (and not sure why it's apparently so difficult to grasp! Deliberate misunderstanding?) Is that 'natural and normal' does not mean good, or safe.

Regardless of highly questionable anecdotes about farmers' wives happily popping out babies left, right and centre before going back to the plough with a jolly song...

GorgonLondon

It would be nice if you posted one comment without snidey remarks or insults.
Everyone gets your point. Not everyone agrees with it.

You've asserted more than once on this thread that everyone who disagrees with you

has serious issues that they will pass on to their children

How did you imagine that would be received?

And could you specify what those 'serious issues' are and how exactly they will affect our children?

Thanks

Obviously not every birth is traumatic or ends badly, when I gave birth I was surprised it wasn't actually particularly even bloody.

But what would be on my mind is the what Ifs and why risk traumatizing a child If things don't go according to plan. Women still die in childbirth, unforeseen complications arise, a normal pregnancy and delivery can end with a stillborn baby.

GorgonLondon
You've asserted more than once on this thread that everyone who disagrees with you has serious issues that they will pass on to their children

Not quite accurate that. It was more along the lines of people who are horrified, in the way expressed on here, at the thought of a child witnessing a birth have issues. Disagreeing with my view on this is not a problem to me. Some people prefer not to have a child witness them giving birth but will accept others will be happy to allow that. They don't necessarily think the child will suffer harm.
Anyone who has a horror of anything will in some way will pass some of that on to their children.

What are the 'serious issues' that you believe these people have?

You keep using this phrase but you have denied that it has anything to do with mental health, in a previous post.

So if it's nothing to do with mental health, what do you mean?

Incidentally, I think the vast majority of 'no' posters here, including me, think that it's a stupid, ill-advised and unwise idea to give birth in front of your children - an idea that has far more potential to be harmful and upsetting than to benefit the child in any way - rather than a 'horrifying' one.

Words like 'horrified' and 'horror' have, as far as I can see, been used by you alone.

Despite others confirming it has and can be a positive experience you still think your view is the right and only one.

There seems little point in continuing to discuss this with you.
A closed mind is a closed mind.

My mind is far from closed- another personal attack.

The truth is that you won't or can't explain what are these 'serious issues that will be passed on to the children' that you have repeatedly and darkly alluded to.

I'm sure it can sometimes be a positive experience (far more for the adults than the children). That doesn't in any way address the fact that the potential for trauma and distress is far greater than any potential benefits. No child has ever suffered trauma from not being there when their mother gave birth to a sibling.

Haven’t read the whole thread, but tbh I often wonder when people talk about wanting their children to be there for the birth of a sibling who they are wanting that for. Because other than occasional kids wanting to be there for a birth, I do think that it’s often about the parents’ own desire to want their kids there, to share in this special moment etc etc which to be absolutely blunt isn’t going to be as special for the sibling as it is for the parent.

Even without any kind of intervention there’s a lot of blood, a lot of noise, a lot of pain, and watching someone else give birth is an entirely different experience from giving birth yourself. And with the best will in the world, most kids aren’t going to remember it as some kind of special moment, it’ll just be one of those things they were there for as they remember it growing up.

That’s before you get to the practicalities of if something goes wrong. In principle I think that a child being in the house is just one of those things really. But that only works if you have someone on hand to take them somewhere else if something were to go wrong or if you e.g. needed to be transferred to hospital. Or an acceptance of the fact that if there isn’t anyone to take them elsewhere, your dh won’t be able to go with you to the hospital if you need to be transferred.

it’s often about the parents’ own desire to want their kids there, to share in this special moment etc etc which to be absolutely blunt isn’t going to be as special for the sibling as it is for the parent.

Exactly. Also it is kind of a deep moment for parents meetin their child for the first time.A sibling relationship is entirely different

I think it's a bad idea.
No-one can ever be 100% certain that a birth will be straightforward even if previous deliveries were ok.
My 5th child was born when her siblings were 11-18.
I had her in hospital and it was not straightforward.
She was ok but I nearly didn't make it due to complications. I still remember my children's shocked and silent faces at visiting time and am so glad none of them witnessed her birth.
Also a 6 year old in my class saw his sister born and sadly the baby was still born.
Why put children through an event which may have unforseen consequences?
Not everything adults do has to be shared.

You cannot gauge how labour will be for you based on a previous experience. Every labour is completely different. I coped the first and last time perfectly fine but the two in the middle were so painful I wanted to die at the time. Wouldn’t risk my children seeing me like that.