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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Allowing 8 year old to see birth of her baby sibling?

292 replies

hibbledibble · 03/09/2018 09:07

I'm pregnant and my eldest DC has expressed that she would like to be there for the delivery.

All my previous deliveries have been straightforward, and I have coped well with the pain.

This time I'm planning a home birth, and the midwives are not opposed to her being there. They have said it is up to us.

This is definitely our last baby too, so her last chance to see a sibling being born.

I'm not sure if the idea is entirely crazy, or a wonderful thing to do.

Aibu to let her see the birth? As it is a home birth she can go to her room and read if she finds it too much.

OP posts:

Jenijena · 03/09/2018 09:19

My six year old would like to see his sibling born too, he’s absolutely fascinated by the biology of it. If I were planning a home birth I think I might say yes. As it is we’ve watched some water birth videos.

ClaryFray · 03/09/2018 09:20

It's a part of life. I feel that it'd be good. Perhaps good way to stop teenage pregnancy's.

Do what's right for you, and your family

Thebluedog · 03/09/2018 09:20

I wouldn’t, I think even the most straightforward birth is fairly traumatic to watch, let alone should something not go to plan.

Liquoricelake · 03/09/2018 09:21

Also this birth could be much more intense than your last. A friend had a comparatively easy first birth with just the occasional gas and air. The second was much more intense and unbearable for her and gas and air was like 'pissing into the wind' as she put it. You might still be able to handle it but it could frighten your dd.

AveABanana · 03/09/2018 09:21

I don't know if you can get hold of dvds of the series 'Home Birth babies' and/or Home Birth Babies as these would be a more realistic idea of what she'd see than OBEM.

My 3 eldest DC had expressed an interest in watching DC4 being born but when it came to it they were bored, totally uninterested and went to watch telly instead.

MadRainbow · 03/09/2018 09:21

You know your daughter best, if you explained everything to her would she be able to cope with it?

Personally I see nothing wrong with it, you only have to look at videos on YouTube to see it can be a wonderful experience for everyone

Rikalaily · 03/09/2018 09:21

I think as long as you have had a good talk beforehand, explained that there will be blood, waters, probably poo and trumping. Moaning, groaning, possibly screeching/screaming but it's totally normal and mummy will be fine, it's just hard work giving birth. Obviously the child can leave the room if they find they arn't comfortable but I've never heard of a child being freaked out by birth, most are fascinated or totally not bothered.

user1483387154 · 03/09/2018 09:23

If you make any screaming or moaning noises then no.she won't want to see or hear mummy in pain

Rikalaily · 03/09/2018 09:23

Forgot to add, our 3 year old was in the room when I gave birth at home 10 weeks ago, she was totally fine.

Dreamingofkfc · 03/09/2018 09:27

I would say yes. Not all births are bloody and sounds like you cope well with the pain. My two were upstairs asleep when their brother was born and when they came down the four year old was more concerned about who blew up the pool and how did the midwives know to come etc. I was fairly calm and quiet so actually think they would have been fine watching

PurpleCrazyHorse · 03/09/2018 09:27

I think it would be necessary to have another trusted adult there to support your DD if needed. Obviously you can't do that and probably not your DH. Even if you're happy with labouring alone while DH supports your DD, if something bad happened he might need to make decisions and be with the new baby. I would definitely have a trusted adult there, if nothing else to make sure she's fed and not lonely if she wants to be elsewhere in the house.

I'd watch a few birth videos with her (some hospital ones and some home ones) and see how she feels after that.

PaddyF0dder · 03/09/2018 09:27

Holy shit no.

LoniceraJaponica · 03/09/2018 09:28

I think watching some OBEM with her first would be a good idea.

Personally, I wouldn't feel comfortable having a child in the room with me. I remember watching a baby being born at age 10 or 11 when we had our sex ed talk at primary school (a long time ago, so it would have been black and white cine film) and several children had to leave the room because they were so upset.

LaurieMarlow · 03/09/2018 09:29

I think as long as someone is there to look after her if she decides it's too much and she doesn't want to be there after all then it's fine

This. It's probably not something I would do, but I can see that in the right circumstances it would be a good experience for her.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 03/09/2018 09:29

You know your child and how mature she is and whether she would be able to cope with it. Watching some birth videos is a good idea as well as talking in depth about the process, about how you will be in a lot of pain, that it takes a long time and she might get bored and fed up, that you won't be able to talk to her most of the time especially near delivery.

I wouldn't say no immediately OP. As you're planning a home birth I think having her there at the delivery is something you could accommodate, DH or a grandparent etc could bring her in when you're ready to give birth.

Personally I think if everything goes to plan and she's still happy to be there then it's something I would do.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 03/09/2018 09:29

I'd see how she gets on watching a few birth videos. If she is fine with it then I don't think it's an issue

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 03/09/2018 09:30

Forgot to add, our 3 year old was in the room when I gave birth at home 10 weeks ago, she was totally fine.

The difference is your 3 year old probably wouldn't have remember its whether it was a positive or not so positive experience due to her age.

An 8 year old is very likely to remember the event in detail and what might seem like a positive good birthing experience for yourself could seem very daunting and overwhelming for your child. If she finds it hard to deal with she wont be able to leave the house and remove herself from the situation.

nooddsocksforme · 03/09/2018 09:30

As others have already said there will be blood and poo.you could tear or need an episiotomy . I have watched births and it’s scary when the midwife picks up the scissors . Is she going to be able to cope with all that . Could she come in once you have crowned for just the very last bit - which is amazing

SoupDragon · 03/09/2018 09:31

You also need to be prepared for the possibility that you might suddenly want her gone. I found that with DSs when DD was born - they were in another room but I needed them out of the house right now

noprobllamas · 03/09/2018 09:32

I had a homebirth with DD2, DD1 was 6 nearly 7 at the time, she was allowed to pop in and out and my sister was there to look after her. She was asleep for most of the labour as it was during the night but was there for the last hour or so. She was fasinated if anything and was really mature about the situation, we'd talked a lot about it before hand so she knew what to expect. Some people might think it's a bit odd but it was an amazing moment to have shared as a family

spreadingchestnuttree · 03/09/2018 09:32

My eldest had watched a lot of OBEM by that age and I think would have loved being present. Such a personal decision though as every mother, every child, and every birth is different so I'm not sure other people can help you decide!

Good luck

championquartz · 03/09/2018 09:34

I think it depends on how you think she'll manage. Watching One Born Every Minute is a good idea.

Personally, even for the most straightforward and easy deliveries, I don't think my own 8 year old mind would have coped, and I think I'd have had a bit of post traumatic stress.

ShovingLeopard · 03/09/2018 09:35

I really, really wouldn't. And I wouldn't even let her watch OBEM. You might be surprised how many women with Tokophobia developed it from watching a film of a birth at too young an age.

grace7 · 03/09/2018 09:37

I don't think there's a problem with it. As previously said, explain that it might be messy / loud but that it's totally normal and you'll be fine. Make sure she knows she can go if it gets a bit overwhelming. I watched both my siblings births, granted I was older (14), but despite my mum having quite a hard time I feel it was a good experience and I'm so glad to have been there to see my little sisters birth. I'm now hoping to train to be a midwife.

SootyandMathew · 03/09/2018 09:39

3 of my nephews watched their youngest sibling born. The oldest was asleep in bed and absolutely disgusted no one woke him.

They range in age from 5 to 10. And they all loved being there.

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