My best friend is uncomfortable around me aibu?

[loopy7758]

So I'm naturally a happy bubbly woman.
I've been friends with her for 29 years.
Two weeks ago we went to New York for a few days.
We were on the plane and she mentioned she was going to treat herself to a Tiffany bracelet.
So without thinking I touched her arm and said "ooooooh" as in ooooh very nice.
Then she said stop touching ..your so touchy feely,I don't even cuddle my kids.
I said sorry I didn't even think about it..as me and my other best friend link each other,give cuddles saying goodbye etc.
Then I said ..i don't even realise I do it and she replied "yeah you love touching the women"

Bare in mind I'm totally straight ...
I'm sat here thinking hope she doesn't think I fancy her.

She’s the weird one, not you.

Feel sorry for the poor kids too.

I honestly didn't mean anything by it.
She said I "stroked" her arm.
I'm going to have to watch everything I do now.

It was a very strange comment from her - some people don't like being touched but others are very tactile. "You love touching the women" is a very odd comment indeed.

I'm sure you're going to keep at least 3 feet of space between you wherever possible from now on.

And not cuddling her children is very sad.

Youve been friends 29 years and this is the first time its been brought up? Yes that is odd

Odd that you've been close friends for 29 years and this issue hasn't come up before. Maybe she's on edge about something else and that's made her more irritable than she usually would be?

I'm absolutely sure you didn't mean anything by it OP and her reaction used really childish wording

The only thing I would say is I did have a friend who said some similar things that you've just said about being naturally tactile and being able to cuddle other friends

I really hate being that tactile with friends (I cuddle my DC all the time ) but I can't bear it with adult women...it genuinely makes me feel uncomfortable and a friend of mine who was vocally bubbly and tactile would bot respect my wishes not to be all over me

I asked her politely ,I told her I wasn't overly tactile outside of DP and DC, she insisted and thought it was funny to wierd me out

So I ended the friendship because it felt really intrusive that she kept doing despite knowing how I felt

I'm not suggesting you are anywhere as severe as she was but is it possible she may have mentioned it before and you didn't realise how serious it was for her?

She was really silly with the stupid comment about touching the women though.

I understand not liking being touched. I'm very much in that camp. I do hug my kids. I even have a couple of close friends who I hug because I don't see them as often as I'd like.

But I think it's weird that she "told you off". I usually just position myself out of hugging distance.

She stated her need, although not very politely. The question now is are you a good enough friend to her to respect what she needs?

I think it's because I've been single for 3 years and the last 5/6 dates I've been on I told her I didn't fancy them..so I actually think she now thinks I'm gay.
She has said it before but I just thought she was joking.
Apparently I'm flirty too,I don't even realise.
I'm just going to watch every thing I do.
I've just asked a mutual friend and she said I've done nothing wrong and we hug and kiss each other's cheek etc all the time.

I'd be very unimpressed that after 29 years my "friend" doesn't seem to know me at all.

If she wants to be kept at arms length then FINE.

I hate being touched. But I love hugging my kids and dh. I also love (not quite as much) hugging friends and family.

If an acquaintance did that I would hate it but keep my mouth shut as inthe odd one not them.

It’s not you it’s her.

How horrible for you.

I wonder what brought this on in your friend, maybe something happened that you don't know about. She might open up to you in the future.

Anyway it's not your fault.

Perhaps cool the friendship off a bit for a while.

I just think it's a sad state of affairs if you can't touch your friends arm after all them years

I’m not tactile at all (Aspergers) and aside from DH I don’t even hug friends and family. However, a touch on the arm as you describe probably wouldn’t even register with me.

It sounds like something else is bothering you if you’re as close as you say.

She was probably just feeling irritable after the trip.

BunnyBath

The friend was talking about buying something from Tiffany’s, so I assume they were on the way to New York.

Was she OK for the rest of the holiday?
Maybe being on the plane was making her feel stressed?
Or maybe she does think you are gay and was trying to assert her boundaries?

She doesn't hug her kids? That says it all. My mum hated to be touched, she had massive issues & loathed motherhood. As someone tactile, I'd retort its sad you can't express affection & I'd feel on edge with her ever after, so distance myself & tell her why if she asks. A real friend accepts you the way you are. Life's too short.

Very weird for a supposed close friend to suddenly turn against affection and closeness.

I'm very non tactile... the thought of being hugged or kissed by a friend fills me with horror and I used to hide in the loo on New Year's Eve when the bells chimed so that no one could hug me....

But I cuddle my kids (now adults) all the time! But my old friends KNOW that and don't inflict greeting hugs on me! And I don't resent them for being touchy feely, we are just different. I think it's very odd that she has suddenly taken offence!

I'd add there's nothing wrong with politely telling friends you aren't tactile but that was a put down not an explanation. (In the same way, my DM would recoil, sneer & say 'don't be stupid' if you tried to hug her). I feel sad for her & her family.

I'm just going to watch every thing I do.

Or you could keep telling her how lovely she looks, maybe start sniffing her hair. There is a lot of fun to be had here.

She doesn’t even hug her kids... and you’ve had a few shit dates recently therefore you must be gay... and if you’re gay you must fancy her...
There’s a problem all right but it definitely isn’t you. Very odd this would happen after 29 years of friendship. If it’s out of the blue she completely out of character for her then I’d be questioning if she was unwell or on if she was any new medication perhaps.

It sounds more like she wanted to have a dig at you than she was asking you to keep your distance. Some people are more tactile than others, and it's fair enough to say to a friend (if you are in the dont'touch camp) please don't hug me. But her behaviour sounds like a rather childish 'Eww you're GAAAAYYYY' kind of thing: intended to upset you rather than being about her preferences.