My best friend is uncomfortable around me aibu?

[loopy7758]

So I'm naturally a happy bubbly woman.
I've been friends with her for 29 years.
Two weeks ago we went to New York for a few days.
We were on the plane and she mentioned she was going to treat herself to a Tiffany bracelet.
So without thinking I touched her arm and said "ooooooh" as in ooooh very nice.
Then she said stop touching ..your so touchy feely,I don't even cuddle my kids.
I said sorry I didn't even think about it..as me and my other best friend link each other,give cuddles saying goodbye etc.
Then I said ..i don't even realise I do it and she replied "yeah you love touching the women"

Bare in mind I'm totally straight ...
I'm sat here thinking hope she doesn't think I fancy her.

Slarti

Not wanting to be touched doesn't make the woman homophobic FFS - some of you lot seem desperate to cast aspersions for no reason!!

Literally no one has said this Slarti.

I'm interested in what happened next. Any update OP or explanation?

@Havaina - "Literally no one has said this Slarti"

Literally you posted this (Mon 03-Sep-18 10:53:35) -

Have you actually RTFT? Or are you a homophobe like OP's friend?

I sent a pic of my boob to my best friend the other day! Im not overly touchy feely but with people I know well I dont mind

You know this could be a woman who has issues about being touched for real reasons? Calling her a sad wretch, a bitch, a weirdo, all the other slurs...maybe you should ask yourself why some women don't like to be touched and maybe try having a heart once in a while.

Slarti

Literally you posted this (Mon 03-Sep-18 10:53:35)

Oh you're on of those who copies and pastes posts without context.

Come back and post my entire exchange with that poster and then I'll take you seriously.

I don’t think it is weird she didn’t want to be touched. I don’t like touching unless it is someone I want to be touched by (partner, child, hairdresser etc).

However I do find it odd about her not hugging her children. I have a good understanding of this because my gran was non touchy. Didn’t hug her kids. Asked my mum ‘what are you doing?’ When she tried to hug her once.

Then my mum was overly tactile, constantly stroking, playing with my hair, wanting to hold hands. And I think that’s related to her mum not wanting to touch her. And it used to annoy her that I didn’t want to be hugged.

So I try to be balanced with my DD. Lots of cuddles when needed but if she doesn’t want too then I immediately back off.

She’s told you what she wants, so you have to respect that now.

"yeah you love touching the women"

this really wasn't a nice thing for her to say to you. She could have just said that she didn't like being touched and you would have apologised and not done it again. Her opinions on what you do with others, she should have kept to herself. It was nasty to say it like that and left you wondering what her imagination is thinking about you and your preferences!

I didn't used to like being touched by anyone. Then I found myself working in a fairly tactile place where people used to pat you on the shoulder to say "well done" and I learned to accept it as it wasn't creepy and was kindly meant. I also have a female friend who touches everyone whilst talking to them. It isn't creepy either, she is just tactile. There is a world of difference between someone gently stroking you in a creepy way as if they hope you haven't noticed and they're hoping no-one else has noticed either and an obvious pat on the arm from a friend in front of everyone. Most of us can tell the difference. Sounds as though your friend doesn't have the same boundaries or ability to sense things as most others. Given that you have known her for such a long time, it may be best simply to raise it with her - tell her you were unaware that she was uncomfortable being touched and won't do it again, but also ask her why she didn't say it in a nicer way and then made a spiteful comment implying that you were gay? Explain that you were very hurt by her comments; just because you aren't currently with someone doesn't mean you are gay or asexual - that is simply her judging you by her standards, not yours. People don't always want to be in a relationship, especially if they are in the process of getting over a previous one. You don't have to prove anything to her either way or to change who you are just to please her. So please carry on being a happy tactile person (just don't touch her!). Good luck

Totally agree with what Keely said. I would also mention and correct your friend on her comments re being a lesbian.

I had a friend at secondary school who rubbed her body against me when standing in line, I was totally oblivious (didn't know about lesbians then), just thought she was impatient and wanted to get into the class room!

I greet close friends with a hug when I haven't seen them for a while (I'm not gay), I will try not to do so in future after reading this thread.

My guess is she is gay and suppressing it, which is why it makes her uncomfortable!!

Any update OP? Have you managed to raise it with her or are you going to spend a bit less time with her?

Those poor kids