You need to teach your boys life skills

[necromumda]

Do we? (well yes, obv, but specifically I mean?)

Following on from the "isn't he good" thread and as a result of a conversation with MIL, I was wondering why we feel the need to emphasise teaching boys.

(Note here, I do not mean they should be waited on and believe they need to be independent and self-caring obviously)

MIL was saying to me the other day that I need to "start teaching DS life skills like - how to iron, how to boil an egg" etc. etc.

While I agree that any person of any gender should be able to do these things, I have NO recall of actually ever being walked through this or "taught" this as a girl.

How did you (females) learn these skills? Were you "taught" or instructed or did you just learn from having to just start doing them?

Why do we feel we need to walk boys through these tasks and just assume girls will pick them up? Or do we?

I didn't learn anything like that when I was a kid, just picked them up later. I do remember cookery classes for one year after age eleven but nothing more. I learned to make sausage rolls and soup, remember bringing soup home in my school bag, it was in a big preserving jar which my mum had provided for the purpose - and it leaked!

Not a bad idea to have cooking on the school agenda but done in a fun way (which I think is nowadays at school).

Washing and ironing I just picked up, enjoyed laundry. My mum taught me nothing.

I have a grown up son who always cooked at home, enjoyed it very much and as an adult is an excellent cook. Love going round to his for a meal. He uses the washing machine but doesn't consider ironing to be necessary. I must admit husband and I don't iron now like we used to, everything goes to the ironing shop.

We all need to know how to look after ourselves which is what I suppose basic life skills are but they're not difficult to learn really.

This is a really interesting thread

I was raised in a large family With 4 sisters and 1 brother. My father raised us all to look after ourselves, that meant tiling, DIY, cooking, ironing, building work from a young age. He didn’t discriminate. He always said he’d raise us so that if we wanted a man or woman in our life we could have one but we’d never need one.

By contrast, My MIL once said to me that she wished her DS had married someone more “houseproud” so that she knew he’d be looked after. (I nearly spat out my coffee -she didn’t mean to be offensive, I don’t think)

In any respect, my hope is that my children will be raised to look after themselves, not have any expectation that they’ll be looked after by anyone else x

Life skills should be passed to young people whichever sex they are, and by whoever is around to do it. Most of mine my grandma taught me as we lived with her when dad left mum, and mum then worked (early 70s). I loved the knowledge she passed on! How to use a clothes mangle (!!), how to cook and bake, use a Singer sewing machine, etc. Put me in good stead. Learnt a load of other stuff from mum, all good. Wish I'd been taught basic finances though.

I'm teaching DS as we go along, and he's doing OK with it.

Teaching your kids basic domestic skills regardless of sex is just part of parenting surely, after all raising your DC to be fully functioning independent adults is what we're meant to do as parents. I'm a single parent so there's no gender roles in my home, I've never had to ask my 10 year old to 'help' around the house as he's always had some domestic responsibilites and they've gradually increased the older and more capable he becomes so clearing away plates, making beds etc are just things he does, like brushing his teeth, he doesn't see them as chores.

I think the reason some people focus on teaching boys in particular is obvious. Traditionally boys weren't expected to to do domestic work and unfortunately, as seen on numerous threads on here, plenty families still think like that. I see it all the time in RL, DS has friends who can't even pour themselves a drink because they have mothers who run around after them.

I'm more concerned that so many people of both sexes don't seem to be capable of basic DIY, car maintenance and such like. I see people posting on our local FB pages asking for help with the most basic of tasks and am very grateful my very handy dad has taught me all manner of things saving me a fortune in the process.

I was never directly taught anything at home,I used learnt through watching my mum and dad and it all kind of came naturally once I’d left home. DH is great around the house so I’m hoping DS will see this and follow suit.

DD is 6.4, she "helps" (plays, really, but she's learning) with the vacuuming, she can earn pocket money which is tied to tidying up of her toys & books, also of washing up of any non-breakable items such as picnic plates & table cutlery - she stands on a little stool & one of us helps her (& checks it's all clean - again, it's really just practice at this age). She also helps us with the laundry - she helps us sort it into colour piles, & puts it in the machine & puts detergent in the drawer. She also help us hang things up to dry - she's a terror for leaving her clothes inside out, so we make her turn them right side out for drying. She also comes to watch me cooking sometimes, but we have a very small & badly planned kitchen (cheapskate landlord), so it's a bit difficult & needs a bit of planning.

I learned by ‘helping’ my mum. Ironing she showed me the basics and then I had to do my own uniform. Did cooking in school, and sewing though mum taught me how to knit. She also taught me how to change the oil on the car, change a plug, fix our dodgy lawn mower, unblock the sink and the washing machine( check your filter people, it’s always fluff in the filter when the washer doesn’t work!). She did my maths with me every night too.
Dad taught me how to vacuum and use the washing machine and basic electrics and other things but worked longer hours so was around less. Parents should teach both kids everything they know regardless of gender, end of.
My boy has basic chores that involve making his bed, setting and clearing table, putting away clean clothes, putting the laundry on, helping his little sis. He’s 7.

My Nan used to take great pride in my learning to cook, I love to cook and bake and often use her tips. Including cleaning up as I go along. Started the basics around 5-6? My brother was also taught by my Nan and he's a good cook although a terrible baker. We were both expected to pitch in with cleaning, hoovering and washing at home, both parents worked full time so everything was equal. I was born early 90s

I do think parents sometimes perpetuate this idea that men are useless at housework though. When me and DP moved in together, both his DM and DGM went on and on about 'how would he cope' 'the place would be a mess' 'clothes would be filthy and creased' etc. and none of that was true at all. I actually think it's a bit insulting. They were insinuating to me that he needed taking care of and my answer to that was he's an intelligent adult and perfectly capable of using a washing machine and if he doesn't want to iron his shirts won't be ironed, his choice IMO. I don't iron anyway so I'm certainly not doing it for someone else!

So I guess my msg is not to give in; make them do it Make it clear you're not doing everything for them and then they won't assume someone will (that goes for boys and girls).

Ok was never taught to cook or iron, I picked up cooking be being involved in the process from an early age, one of my first memories was stirring the Christmas pudding. I'm not sure about ironing but I could iron before I joined the RAF who honed the skill

I wasn’t taught, no.

Home Ec at school was stuff like making cheesecakes or cuddly toy seals - fun, but no really useful basics covered.

My mum would give me the mop and bucket/iron/whatever and when I asked “where’s the floor cleaner kept, then” or whatever she would flip out at me about how useless I was and she might as well do it herself while snatching whatever it was back.

Thank god I’m a millennial and had access to broadband when I needed to move out and make a go of it myself.

Teaching your kids basic domestic skills regardless of sex is just part of parenting surely, after all raising your DC to be fully functioning independent adults is what we're meant to do as parents

This is an MN mantra. However, I learnt by doing. There are certain things you need to be taught but most you just pick up by osmosis.

I remember someone saying you needed to teach your kids how to go shopping. I think they kind of work out that you pick up the item, go to the till and give the person the money (I agree they may need extensive instruction on the infernal self service tills :) )

I wasn't taught to cook or iron but I had absolutely no interest in household chores and my mum knew how to pick her battles and didn't flog a dead horse. Once you move out of home you have to learn. My dh did nothing around the house as a teen but is a lot more domesticated than I am and irons better than I do.

Saw this in a Manchester Library today and thought of this thread.

Very sexist question, all children regardless of sex need to be taught life skills.
However this mostly depends on the ability and inclination of the parent to do this, and what you mean by life skills.

Another one here who lived abroad and not expected to do anything and then boarding school, ditto apart from making beds (hospital corners I can do). Everything else domestic I've taught myself. My DCs have also taught themselves (pigeon pair). I wish there'd been someone in the family with DIY skills but apart from painting, changing a plug and growing things we're bereft of those.

School tried to teach post final exams some rudiment of finance, but it wasn't well taught and didn't sink in. I learnt the hard way (compound interest, anyone?) but it seems to have come more easily to both my DM (very canny) and my DCs (nearly there).

And interestingly, very few of my DCs' friends see domestic tasks as one gender only. Possibly because three generations of females have worked outside the home or because things are levelling out for most people? That would be worthy of a MN investigation. Mind you, my DGF relied on his wife for everything but managed to keep himself sorted and alive for 2 decades after her death.