You need to teach your boys life skills

[necromumda]

Do we? (well yes, obv, but specifically I mean?)

Following on from the "isn't he good" thread and as a result of a conversation with MIL, I was wondering why we feel the need to emphasise teaching boys.

(Note here, I do not mean they should be waited on and believe they need to be independent and self-caring obviously)

MIL was saying to me the other day that I need to "start teaching DS life skills like - how to iron, how to boil an egg" etc. etc.

While I agree that any person of any gender should be able to do these things, I have NO recall of actually ever being walked through this or "taught" this as a girl.

How did you (females) learn these skills? Were you "taught" or instructed or did you just learn from having to just start doing them?

Why do we feel we need to walk boys through these tasks and just assume girls will pick them up? Or do we?

Cooking, especially baking, is good for letting the dcs practise their math in terms of measuring out ingredients and estimating how to make a cake which is 2/3 the size of the recipe because we did not have enough ingredients!

Cooking can be done to recipes but good cooks are able to improvise and learn by trial and error. Anything involving judgment is a learned skill gained by experience over time. It is good to start them youngish on cooking. In our house, dh and I are not particularly good at DIY or car stuff - very impressed at TittyGolightly making concrete - but both of us are good cooks, if i can say so. Cooking is a nice skill to be able to impart to dcs, as it is a vanishing skill but allows you to live more cheaply and healthily and give joy to others.

I dont think i was really taught anything

I didnt use a washing machine til i was 29 and ive never cleaned a loo

I think my parents would certainly have explained how to do stuff as they went along if id asked...i just dont think id asked

My kids learn by doing it! 9 and 11 year old just cleaned my bathrooms.

They're not great at ironing as I don't do it but they can press a seam for the sewing machine 😃

I run a guide unit. I have not taught any of the guides domestic skills. We do cooking but I just assume they know what to do or they learn fr each other.

I teach DS by example and by getting him involved with household tasks.

I went to academic schools, hom ec as it was then called was off the menu.

However, my mum taught my siblings and me to cook, iron, use washing machine etc.

Girls tend to watch their mums and pick up skills by osmosis, whereas boys tend to see their mothers as ‘staff’. I’ve made sure my son cooks and does domestic work.

My sis is a SAHM and my nephew, who’s 12, when I pointed out he needed to be able to cook for himself he looked appalled and said ‘I’m not going to cook!’ I asked him how he was going to eat at uni. He said he would buy ‘ready made sausages and chips’. ‘Everyday for 3 years, really?’

Meanwhile my niece, who is younger, is making pavlovas and chocolate mouse for dinner parties.

@tittygolightly (love the name btw!) yes I do agree. She is desperate for a job and this was the only thing we could think of, so at the moment we will continue with this. She is so lovely and gets really excited by doing a good job with her chores. She also doesn't really know the value of coins, so we are teaching her she needs to gather loads of pennies before being able to buy a toy or a treat. She also has a bank account and saves. She is a really good kid and much better that we were at that age, so don't have any worries at all.

Yes, I and my brothers were taught these things at home. Ironing, using washing machine, cleaning, cooking basic meals. Typically we helped as small children, then were given specific instructions/expectations on doing it ourselves - e.g. this is how you iron school trousers/polish shoes. We had a rota of jobs for helping in the house each week - animal care, hoovering, washing up, loading/unloading dishwasher, taking bins out etc.

The main difference was that I learnt to sew and knit from my mum and grandmother, and my brothers didn’t really. I also really enjoyed cooking as a hobby when I was 10-14ish so got good at baking then. We also did do sewing and basic cookery in D+T at school.

Everything else I learnt from friends at uni as we all had slightly different skill sets, or from calling parents (how do
I unblock the loo) or google/youtube (how do I care for hardwood floors).

Some stuff I’m still learning... decluttering, keeping on top of housework etc.

From a very young age I would sit on the kitchen stool chatting to my mum while she cooked dinner. She got me involved by giving me little jobs to do. It’s amazing how much I learnt just by watching her.

it shouldn't matter what sex the child is, IMO it is a parents job to protect and provide for children, teach them right from wrong, morals and teach them basic skills to see them through life you won't be here forever you need to prepare them for the future!

I was taught from the age of around 10 onwards how to perform tasks such as changing bedding, ironing, instructed to separate whites from colours, taught to fold clothes the right way, which products used to clean what, how to cook, change a fuse, a tyre, the oil in the car, put shelves up (tasks where always age appropriate I wasn't handed the oil can at 10 and said here change that)

I left home at 18 and have never relied on my parents for anything since, well, of course, I've needed advice at times and I asked them for family recipes, and the methods they and my gran used to ensure I got it perfect.

my sisters, however, didn't have a clue how to activate emergency gas or change a light bulb for example when they left home (only 5 and 7 years age difference, raised by same parents) I've had a male friend of the same age call on my to change his tyre after a puncture.... I endlessly rib him for this, I've now taught him how to change a tyre.

my DSS is 11 and I began last year teaching him how to cook showing him how to fold properly....(this still needs work lol) how to store food correctly, there are many more things he has begun to learn,

I talk my teens through ironing the fiddly bits, using steam or whatever. My ds 15 yo is the best cook in the house if I am honest. Can’t tidy up mind you. He is also fashion mad and very fussy about washing his clothes a certain way so best he learn

My children (male and female) know how to use household appliances, change a duvet cover etc

My 17 year old loves ironing his clothes. He's probably spent more time ironing than I have in my whole lifetime.

I was never allowed to do chores or housework growing up, I just had to wing it. still don't iron.

df was purposely taught along with his sister to cook and iron as "when you move out your not going to have any one cooking for you"

he is by far the better cook between us, and actually enjoys it where i dint. does the iroining
but he's not brilliant at cleaning, he does it but in can do it quicker.

myb2 dc have been taught to cook, ds9 loves cooking and can cook a good spag bill. pasta n cheese and eggs on his own. but if I had a girl Itd be the same aswell.

I dunno, I still can't iron properly!

I do want to teach kids both equally. I do want to teach DS to ask if he can help if he sees a woman bustling around him when he's doing nothing, which I think is a skill we all should teach boys specifically

My parents did virtually no housework.
I learnt that houses are normally kept clean and tidy from being in house shares and experiencing a lot of different ways of doing things.

I sometimes wonder who DC who live in families where there is a cleaner, or who live with their parents until they get married (i.e. never experience a different way of doing things) cope? Great if you have parents that do teach you, but otherwise you must leave entirely oblivious (as I did at age 18, but at least I learn as a young adult!).

(I am typing this as DD is hoovering and DS is cleaning the bathroom :) )

I learned to cook from cookbooks and doing my guides badge!

I also listened to my parents arguing over how to make bolognaise.

Ironing- my mother tried to teach me but I’m useless at coordinating so never took it up as an adult.

My 14 year old recently taught me how to iron properly. He learnt it in Food tech at school.

I think by the time they get to 15/16 and can't cook etc they ask mates or parents?

Interestingly my 16 year old recently asked me what he should say to the driver when he was getting on a bus to an unfamiliar place.

i teach DSS these things and being a child it isnt done without some form of winging mind.... my frineds dont have to do this etc its not fair,

but he is getting better he understands my reasoning though. and he has grown up seeing me and DH help each other equally in the house and go to our elderly neighbours to see if they want anything before popping to the shops, he now does the same and if its his turn to put the recycle bins out he will just automatically do theirs too, i am very proud.
id die of shame if he left home and was like my uncle approaching 60 and still expecting his washing to be done by his mother in her 80's !!! true story!

sometimes wonder who DC who live in families where there is a cleaner

Well had a cleaner called Mrs Dann who was in her 70s and lived through the Blitz. But my mother still taught us how to do domestic chores. I used to watch Mrs D iron as she was whizz at it, having worked at Claridges. She taught me to starch curtains.

I still iron and starch some clothes myself as our cleaner, while very good, doesn’t do it to Mrs D’s standards.

Even if you have a cleaner, unless the cleaner comes in very frequently, it is still necessary to do basic cleaning, especially of the high traffic areas like the kitchen, bathrooms, living and dining rooms, in between visits.

I was taught stuff by my mother, and did brownie badge that you included ironing.
My dd seems to understand how to do things instinctively, from ironing to map reading she just picks things up easily.but I she her how to be efficient, and not make any mess as she goes along.
My ds needs to be shown how , so even with tidying I had to show him put stuff where it lives, put like with like. He just doesn’t have a handle on things.
But it’s definitly not a boy/girl thing, dd is like her dad, good memory,quick learner. Ds is like me, creative intuitive , free range mind, can’t learn at all if the approach isn’t right.

My mother taught all of us - boys and girls - how to cook, clean, do laundry, iron, etc. My father taught all of us how to change a tyre, mow lawns, clean cars. My brothers know that household chores are their responsibility too and share chores with their wives.

My husband wasn't taught any of this so over the years I've been training him up. In some ways this is good because he does it my way (which is obviously the right way). In other ways it's completely frustrating.

We should be teaching all of our children to look after themselves as they get older.

My mother taught me to sew, clean collar and cuffs with bar soap, make up bottles of formula, change a nappy, burp a baby, make cakes and meals, fold clothes, peg washing out, wash pots, dust and iron. She didn't teach me to clean because she didn't clean much herself. She didn't teach me to budget or pay bills because she assumed my husband would do that [roll]

I am actually a fairly good basic housewife, and my budgeting is self taught due to necessity. Despite the world trying to teach me that I didn't need to know how to be a housewife, I found that actually I did bloody need that knowledge. I had a baby at 22 and although my mum was completely disinterested in helping me, the lessons I learned at ten kept us washed, dressed, fed and safe.

My Dad taught me to cook because I showed an interest and asked him to show me. My MIL taught me how to iron, I watched my Mom do the ironing, but I wasn't interested in learning, so MIL showed me the basics when I needed to iron DH's pants.

I think a lot of the stuff I just tried out, see how it went, if I needed help I asked.

My mum and dad kind of taught as they went from a very early age. I remember being a wee tot and 'helping' my mum carry the laundry to the washing machine, and pressing the buttons she told me to press to make it spin It never felt like we were being taught things specifically in a 'life lessons' sense - it was always done through play or 'fun'. Everything was turned into a game. All three of us could work every household appliance from a young age. We all helped out. None of us were ever left to play or watch TV while my folks tackled housework - they got us involved the minute we could walk by making things fun. We were often given extra pocket money if we wanted to wash the car or do some ironing, and we never minded because my folks would stick on some loud music for us to work to - it was awesome! I knew every Pink Floyd/Queen/Status Quo song by the time I hit seven

My parents were never afraid to let us try something on our own or make a mess in the process. They didn't helicopter over us. They allowed us to learn through watching them, engaging us through play and making lots of mistakes without reprisal. I stuck dish soap in the dishwasher once. You can imagine the bubbly mess that left! But I wasn't told off, because I'd tried to do a good thing and help out, and that was what mattered to my folks. We all had a big bubble fight before we cleared up!

I think one of the best things looking back was knowing there were no gendered tasks. There was nothing my mum would have done that my dad wouldn't also tackle, and vice versa. We grew up in a totally 'equal' household. We were taught things by both my parents, and it wouldn't have mattered if we were boys or girls - we would've been taught the same way regardless of our sex.

I can remember helping dm with the weekly bake (cakes, apple pie etc.) when I was about 4 or 5 so learnt then. Home economics at school from 11 - learned all basic cooking techniques, sauces, roasting, casseroles, etc., also learned to hand wash a wool jumper. Sewing learned at school. Taught myself to knit - I can do really complicated things. Did most of the cooking at home from age 12 because dm had grown very bored by it. Didn't do much cleaning but worked as a hospital cleaner and chambermaid as summer jobs when I was a student. I'd be a proper good housewife if I didn't work full time.