You need to teach your boys life skills

[necromumda]

Do we? (well yes, obv, but specifically I mean?)

Following on from the "isn't he good" thread and as a result of a conversation with MIL, I was wondering why we feel the need to emphasise teaching boys.

(Note here, I do not mean they should be waited on and believe they need to be independent and self-caring obviously)

MIL was saying to me the other day that I need to "start teaching DS life skills like - how to iron, how to boil an egg" etc. etc.

While I agree that any person of any gender should be able to do these things, I have NO recall of actually ever being walked through this or "taught" this as a girl.

How did you (females) learn these skills? Were you "taught" or instructed or did you just learn from having to just start doing them?

Why do we feel we need to walk boys through these tasks and just assume girls will pick them up? Or do we?

I agree with finance. We have had a lot of conversations about savings, tax, insurance and pensions etc

I learned a lot from watching, and was explicitly taught a few things before boarding school and then university.

But I was less interested in DIY and Dad didn't explicitly teach me, so I know much less about that. (I could do basics if I needed to, but nothing advanced like my Dad.)

I have had to explicitly teach my DDs things because, the elder one especially, they don't just 'pick things up'. We haven't done the DIY side because DD1 would be lethal, she is only just getting safe in the kitchen really.

For me it was a mixture. Some things I was taught (how to boil an egg, how to change a tyre, how to compare interest rates). Some I learned through observation: how to hoover, how to put up a shelf. Some I bumbled my way through either as a child or as an adult, using books and/or learning by trial and error: how to iron, how to cook a steak, how to tile the bathroom.

My mum taught me things such as ironing, cleaning, cooking and basic DIY, along with my 4 sisters, and I will be teaching my DS all these standard life skills also as he reaches appropriate ages.
The one thing DM never taught any of us was sewing that required anything more than fixing a button, as sewing has never been a strong point of hers. I did spend a single yr 8 term in school doing textiles, but cannot remember any of it , so I've no sewing skills.

They get taught a lot about cooking & using a sewing machine in school.

Neither of mine had sewing lessons at school and DS had two “Cookery” lessons which were useless while DD had a whole term (different school) which was still pretty useless... “today we are learning to make a cheese sauce” meant “today you are following the instructions on a packet mix that will taste nothing like cheese sauce”. DD makes cheese sauce like I do at home and there are no packets involved!

I was never really “taught” how do do any domestic tasks but was always watching other do them so kind of absorbed the knowledge. My children have learned in the same way from me and DH.

DS is getting there slowly but has SEN so will need mich more actual instruction than DD who simply watches and does.... when she went to uni there was a lad who honestly thought he could boil an egg by putting the egg in a pan and putting it on the hob (no water), and porridge oats in the microwave with no liquid too!

I don't remember being actively taught how to do things but I remember asking to help with cooking/laundry/housework with my mum and diy with my dad and being shown how to do it. Also being allowed to cook by myself from a young age. We were never allowed to use the washing machine though. When we upgraded from a twin tub to an automatic my mum sat in front of it for the whole cycle the first time. She was terrified it would break.
Myself, brother and sister had to do the washing up after dinner. Handy having 3 kids to wash, dry and put away. We argued every night about it too!

Most things I had to figure out for myself when I left home. My mum would often tell us to do stuff but give no instructions.
I had my own dd and DS involved with age appropriate household tasks from a young age.
My dd isn't not as adept at house hold tasks as her brother.
Ds is slightly better at household tasks than his dad.

My biggest shred of knowledge I imparted.
Always close your mouth when you're scrubbing the toilet.

When I was growing up, I had pretty much everything done for me. I had to pick it up when I left home which I did, so it can be done. Having said that, it has taken me 20 years to do it properly but my house is, I think, now run like a tight ship even though dh and I work ft.

I make sure the dcs 14 and 11 learn by giving them chores. I would show them the first time. It is necessary to check their work and show them to how to improve if they are not doing it to the correct standard. They almost invariably do a shoddy first job with a bad attitude. I feel I am teaching them attention to detail, which a lot of cleaning needs to be if done to a proper standard. I have had many aupairs live with us and there is a great divide between those who do a good job of cleaning and those that don't.

I don't reward the children for doing chores - these are just things people do around the house. Their attitude is getting better.

The dcs can now do simple food preparation, clean the car, bathroom, sweep, mop, vacuum, hang up clothes to dry, fold away clothes, sweeping leaves, sew labels on their school uniform. There is also teaching them to organise their life e.g. how to diarise upcoming events, remind themselves of tasks, not leaving things to the last minute.

There are much more life skills to teach before they go away to university ...

I left home being completely unable to cook or use a washing machine. We always had a house keeper. I clearly remember running out of clean knickers when first at university and phoning my father in disgust! Soon learnt how to use a washing machine.

My DM was a fairly good cook so watching her from a very young aged helped me to learn my DD NEVER cooked while me and DB lived with them but as DM became less able to cook ( due to illness ) DD started to cook more I got use to phone calls from him asking how to cook this that or the other he became good at cooking at about 50 !
Me and DB lived together for a few years ( without DD & DM ) so I taught him how to cook he picked it up quite quickly and is a good cook now. We both taught each other / ourselves basic DIY and we can do most things to keep our houses ticking over plugs/ fuses/ lights/ decorating / flat pack furniture etc.
DM taught me how to safely use the twin tub but we were both flummoxed for some time when we got our 1st posh automatic .
I have never been able to drive but I can top up oil / petrol / radiator / screen wash / air in tyres / change wiper blades this in the most part is because of the love of cars that DB has and the amount of shows we went to together .

Ajaslipstick: I take care to teach my DC about the world of finance.

How do you do this? What do you plan to teach them.

I do all the finances at home. I think I would struggle to even teach dh. It is a pretty dry subject.

I am teaching both of my dc but isn’t it really just parenting them?

They both cook once a week, help clean the house, iron, shopping etc as well as general day to day activities of running a house. They also learn how to use a screwdriver, hammer and various power tools. Obviously that is age dependant!

I want them to be fully independent by the time they leave home and learn that there is time to do all these things and have fun and work as a team.

My mum taught me how to do everything and my brother and I had to do a lot generally as she was a single mum, working full time.

I have encouraged rather than taught - all can cook well (3DS, 1DD)
They can iron after a fashion - but so can I. All can hoover, wash floors etc
None of us are super good cleaners - I certainly was never taught but we get by.
I much prefer that they can cook than clean.

I was taught ironing and polishing my shoes which I never do anymore by my dad, and cooking by my mum. Unfortunately neither of them taught me to clean so my house is a pigsty

When I was at school all girls had domestic science and sewing lessons. I also learned cooking skills from helping and watching my Mum, the same with housework, laundry etc. I had to clean my room and the bathroom from about age 13. Dad and Mum showed me how to iron, Dad was ex services and did all his own ironing. I also, with my brothers, helped Dad mix cement. My mother also taught me basic knitting although I was not very good at it, but I learned dressmaking at school and still enjoy sewing. However, I don't unfortunately have anywhere near the same skill set as @TittyGolightly, which is truly impressive.

I was taught how to cook by both my parents. My mum taught me how to clean brasses which makes me sound like a child from the Victorian ages

My dad taught me how to iron, paint and wallpaper and also how to identify basic car problems. Oh, and how to budget.
School taught me how to sew.

If you don't teach DCs life skills then it can be a bit of a shock when they're suddenly out living on their own.

YouTube.
My teen DSs use it for cooking videos and there is a YouTube video on how to do anything you can imagine and some things you probably are best not to.

Happyhippy45

My biggest shred of knowledge I imparted.
Always close your mouth when you're scrubbing the toilet

I was never taught this , I had my mouth open at the wrong time , you only ever do that once ! ha ha

Granddad taught me how to use a saw, hammer and plane when I was little. my sister showed me how to drive a tractor and use a chainsaw more recently.

I was taught y example to keep a reasonably clean house. I was taught to cook by my grandmother. I did a gcse in food science, which taught me quite a bit.

My own children-male and female- have always helped to prepare meals at least once each week and keep their own rooms clean.

They took up and put away laundry from about 9-10 and did their own laundry from 14/15. I do sheets/bedding/towels. This has taught them a lot of skills and to take responsibility.

We were taught cooking and baking.

My mum REFUSED to let us learn laundry and ironing, and we were the ones who did all the vacuuming etc. My sister and I noticed a steady decline after we moved out.

I actually learned my proper cleaning skills volunteering at a cat shelter, and was taught how to do laundry by a boy in my halls at university.

Parents should either teach children or make sure they're being taught.

This is a really interesting thread it's made me think this morning

I was never taught specifically my dmum was remarkably controlling around the daily house tasks very much one of those that would moan she had no help then tell you you were doing it wrong

But there was an expectation from about 12 that you figure out basics like food and cleaning...nothing really big but it was a basic attitude of if you need something it wasn't acceptable risk someone else you were expected to figure it out if that makes sense

So I was given the right attitude , we were very much taught saying I can't do it or I don't know wasn't a real response so we had to figure it out which is handy because now if I'm faced with a task I figure it out

I agree it's all children not just boys ,mine are quite young , we bake together because it's fun rather than a teaching moment but we get them involved in stacking the dishwasher putting clothes in the washing machine etc (ds2 who is nearly three loves this ...however this can backfire and result in chaos )

Surely general teaching life skills is part of patenting I think for any child? I would hate that they grew up and felt deskilled

Why do people give their kids a choice about learning this stuff? It's basic skills to look after yourself. It's your responsibility to teach your kids.

I come from another culture and was rather spoiled as a child, as I didn't have to do anything at all around the house. But that all changed when I went to Uni and suddenly had to fend for myself. Knowing what I now know, I do try to show my kids everything my DH and I do daily for them with the hope they will see the work behind keeping a home. With my eldest (5), I am also basing pocket money around jobs at home. So far it's been really successful and she is an absolute joy. I hope baby boy will see all that and want to imitate his big sis and he will have the same expectations.

I am also basing pocket money around jobs at home. So far it's been really successful and she is an absolute joy.

There’s a danger in this approach. The bits of the brain giving her joy at earning money for chores are the same as a drug addict getting a hit. It also risks that reward not being sufficient - eg at 10 she’ll want a fiver for washing up rather than 50p. And as an adult she might not be able to motivate herself to do chores when she’s no longer financially rewarded for it. (Or she may become a cleaner, who knows?!)

Better to encourage intrinsic motivation (satisfaction at a job well done) than extrinsic (money for trying). Ditto reward charts etc.

I have 2 DS and I they can cook and do basic chores. DH also cooks and irons and I pitch in with DIY so we don’t allocate jobs by sex.
It has its advantages, I showed DS2 how to set up a filter coffee maker when we were on holiday this summer. He tends to wake up early so DH and I got up to freshly made coffee.