You need to teach your boys life skills

[necromumda]

Do we? (well yes, obv, but specifically I mean?)

Following on from the "isn't he good" thread and as a result of a conversation with MIL, I was wondering why we feel the need to emphasise teaching boys.

(Note here, I do not mean they should be waited on and believe they need to be independent and self-caring obviously)

MIL was saying to me the other day that I need to "start teaching DS life skills like - how to iron, how to boil an egg" etc. etc.

While I agree that any person of any gender should be able to do these things, I have NO recall of actually ever being walked through this or "taught" this as a girl.

How did you (females) learn these skills? Were you "taught" or instructed or did you just learn from having to just start doing them?

Why do we feel we need to walk boys through these tasks and just assume girls will pick them up? Or do we?

My brother and I were both taught to cook etc. By my mum mostly.

I don't recall getting any special girl treatment. We both left home being able to do basic cooking.

DH on the other hand knew nothing. It doesn't surprise me though as PIL are pretty old fashioned in their views. MIL does everything for FIL. And did for her male DC.

I think it's not just about teaching them and only once but to encourage them to do it every week/day/whatever. You teach them it's part of life.

I was taught lots by my mum but that's coz it was only her at home and she was scared something might happen to her and leave us kids unable to look after ourselves.

I learnt by watching my parents- ironing, shopping, packing from my father, "cooking", cleaning, laundry from my mother.

I say "cooking" because I was fairly young when I realised that what my mother cooked wasn't normal! Her macaroni cheese bake was cooked pasta in an oven dish (so far, so good...) with an entire block of cheese grated over it, and bunged in the oven. At 12 I borrowed a library book and taught myself to make cheese sauce and proper pasta bakes. (I was cooking for the whole family 5 nights a week from age 10)
I'll not even describe what her "corned beef hash" recipe was!
She could burn water, that woman.

My Mum and Dad actively taught me how to cook, do laundry, iron, sew, change a tire, change a fuse, replace a washer, put up a shelf etc

I learned to clean and garden by helping my parents.

My DH was taught car stuff and basic DIY but wasn’t taught how to do laundry, cook, clean or any other household stuff by his parents. He learned when he moved in with me.

It’s not necessarily a sexist thing on the part of my PIL because they are quite openly horrified whenever the happen to see my D.C. helping with housework or cooking prep and I have one of each.

I was taught some things by my mum. My daughter is keen to do things herself so kind of volunteers to help do things like cooking so she can do lots of things herself. My son doesn't so I will have to encourage him to help more if he's ever to learn.

...And had I been a boy she would have done the same as she had been treated differently to her brother because she was female and she massively resented it. She was told her husband would look after her e.g. she was sent to a lesser school and not encouraged. My dad died young and left her with 3 kids on her own.

My mum taught me to knit. Never did get on with it.
My grandmother taught me to sew. I liked that better. She had an old sewing machine we were allowed to play with.
School taught me basic cooking and how to handwash clothes. Needlework lessons were a disaster (mutual loathing where the teacher was concerned), but I did learn to use an electric machine.
I learned the correct way to do a lot of things from Brownies/Guides.

The rest, I bought a book on housework when I left home and it became my bible of How To Do Things.

I’m a female and my mum or dad never taught me anything growing up. I learned when I moved out at 19 with my own baby and DP (now DH).

I have boys and girls and have been teaching them all age appropriate life skills. From cleaning to cooking, weeding, how to put shopping away etc.

My eldest, 10, can do so much, she can clean a bathroom, make a cold lunch, heat up food, make scrambled eggs, omelettes, could even write a meal and a shopping list. She made cupcakes a few days ago and I told her to find a recipe online she wanted to do, then she wrote it out, checked the cupboards for ingredients and then went shopping for it all (with me!) and then baked them herself. She can put a wash on, fold washing, sweep, hoover, etc. She does gardening with DH, can help clear the car out.

The younger kids can do some of these things too. Obviously I don’t make them do all of these things all of the time. But they are pretty essential life skills.

I wasn't "taught" any of that stuff, as far as I can remember. I used to sit at the kitchen table (doing my homework) & watch my mother cook, but wasn't allowed to ask questions, because she was busy, & I was supposed to be doing homework. Generally she didn't like me interfering with her doing the housework, but got irritated when I couldn't do it, e.g. work the washing machine. I did do the ironing though, that was my regular chore, as she hated it! (So do I, now!)
I taught myself to cook, & am pretty self reliant, I just figure things out for myself, so it wasn't all bad. I learnt from books, TV, & more recently, the internet.

I was taught. But also you are supposed to model the behaviour you want so if a girl sees women doing these things she will see it as something women do and copy. If a boy never sees his Dad doing these thing be may need it expressly pointing out that this is a life skill not a woman skill. This is why I have it when people blame mothers for their sons not doing thing. I always say it's the father for not showing it should be done.

I learned by watching, and helping out.
My sons have done the same, started using the washing machine by deploying common sense, when they needed something washed. Ditto ironing.

Some basic skills gleaned by working alongside us, and encouraged to take an active approach to problem solving.

Attitude is most important: no-one (NT / able bodied / well/ ) has the right to expect to be waited on.

In the end, it can all be learned from YouTube.

My mum used to tell us we made the job harder if we tried to help. I would follow my dad around whilst he decorated and carried out diy tasked. I left home being able to do diy but had no clue about domestic tasks! I could not cook , clean, iron or even operate a washing machine! I learned to cook simple meals and how to clean etc My second husband taught me how to cook more elaborate meals and I’m reasonably good at cooking now. My son and daughter are reasonable cooks etc

I wasn't taught, nor was DH. We both had to muddle through and teach ourselves as young adults. The internet has made things easier in recent years and we've used youtube for a few things since buying our house last year!

My parents taught me and my siblings to basic coo, clean and iron.
We also did home economics, woodwork and the like at school but a lot if these lessons hsve been dropped.
I believe life skills should come from the home with every child ( who has capacity of course) should be able to cook, clean use the washing machine, etc before they leave home.
Our lads have said things like ' I've hovered up for you to which we tell them ' no you haven't, you hovered up because you are a fully functioning able human that lives in this house!

Dh was teaching ds to iron shirts the other day. Dh is good at ironing shirts (was in the army) I somehow put more creases in them than they started with. I rarely iron anything

My mum taught me how to iron a shirt (not my younger siblings though - I think she was too exhausted at that point!) - and I was required to iron my own school uniform. I wasn't forced at first though, I just wanted to help.

We each had chores for stuff like hoovering/the dishwasher.

Washing was done by mum and dad, but we had to fold and put our own away (no-one taught me to use a washing machine, although the basic stuff around separating and what could/couldn't go in was articulated/demonstrated day to day)

Cooking, again I helped, and then slowly was required to cook a couple of meals a week, I always had to make my own packed lunch/breakfast etc.

My kids, again, they help out, and when they're a bit older, they'll have tasks assigned. Right now, I just want them to clear up after themselves - they're not quite ready for responsibility for a task yet.

I've actively taught my teens (DS & DD) how to cook, wash up, use washing machine, hand wash, iron, vacuum, change light bulbs, clean bathrooms.

They've taught me what to do when technology lets me down.

Our lads have said things like ' I've hovered up for you to which we tell them ' no you haven't, you hovered up because you are a fully functioning able human that lives in this house!

Yes, this is important - my kids don't do a job 'for me', they do it because they live in the house. I also don't tolerate someone (for instance) only taking their clothes to the washing from the room - if they're going to the washing, they pick up anything there and take it - even if it's not theirs - because that's the kind and mature thing to do.

Op how on earth do you think you learned if you were never "taught"?

My parents taught me no skills, I can't iron or sew or boil an egg. Dh can, and does, do all these things. Both sexes need to be taught these skills. Maybe your mil is concerned you're not teaching your son the skills he needs. Do you have any daughters? If no, she'd probably say the same if you did. If you do, perhaps she thinks you're teaching your daughters and not your son?

I don't think anyone expects females to "just pick skills up", it's completely unreasonable to expect anyone to have an innate ability to use an iron!

We used to help, starting v young, laying or clearing the table, then washing up, baking, peeling veg, stirring a sauce, so learned as we went along. Also other tasks, gardening, changing plug, lightbulb, fuse, later using a drill.

I learned a lot of these skills at Brownies and Guides, or just from watching/joining in at home. One of my dad's mantras is "start from the top and work down" for cleaning, DIY, painting etc so I think some of it was definitely instructional.

Things I was never shown/am less good at I've had to either pick up myself or outsource because I just can't get the knack, for example - no garden growing up so no idea how to look after plants, now grow my own veg after trial and error, but flowers for the house. Ironing - DH does the trickier stuff, I do the easier/less visible bits.

You can learn skills all through your life, not just as a child.

Some of the tasks you have to do like cleaning and washing up you can do fairly easily without lessons. Vacuuming is not difficult is it?! Nobody 'taught' me how to change a lightbulb but it's very simple to do.

I can't rewire a plug but have never needed to as modern plugs don't require this.

Don't underestimate teenagers ability for getting on with things and using common sense. They might surprise you.

I was definitely specifically taught. As was my brother. We learned to iron, cook basic meals, clean and put things away.

We weren't taught anything about finances unfortunately. Nothing.

I take care to teach my DC about the world of finance.

I can’t recall ‘being taught’ as such, apart from Home Economics (ie. cookery) and needlework lessons at school.

Ironing I think I picked it up as I went along, and washing I learnt to do at university. Also, cooked cakes etc at home, although imdon’t have Much recollection of cooking actual meals from scratch, only re-heating stuff.

However, my sons are in army cadets and so like to iron their own kit (i’m Not complaining) and they have both cooked cakes over the years. I have encouraged dc1 (18 years age) to cook meals this summer before moving away.