To ask her to pay the difference?

[askawayy]

My mother wants to come on holiday with us next year. Adding an extra room onto our holiday accommodation pushes the cost up by £150 as it moves the price band up a tier, which we can't afford to pay. This is our first family holiday in years as we have not been able to afford it, we will also have to take 2 cars as with my dm coming we can't all fit in one which increases our fuel costs (7 hour drive). Aibu to ask her to pay the difference in our costs? My sisters are horrified that we have asked her for money and apparently she is 'funding our holiday'

Yes of course you ask her to pay her way. Unless you can afford and it want to pay for her.

Has she not offered to pay anything?

YADNBU.

If you were very well off it would be a nice gesture to pay for your DM to come on holiday with you but given that you can't afford it of course she should pay for herself!

My mother wants to come on holiday with us next year.

Do you want your mother to go with you?

I would show your mother your costs and the additional costs, make sure it's clear that the prices will go up and you cant afford to cover her place. Unless, there is a back story and she does all your free child care, and this is a small way of saying thank you.

Yes, I would. It's not much to pay for a holiday

Stingy as bedamned. But I’ll probably be the minority in that.

She should pay the difference. She asked to come so should pay for herself.

I don't think that's unreasonable to ask her to pay towards a holiday as long as you make it clear where the costs have come from?

Background to this OP: has your mum previously paid for your family to go on holiday?

Also of your DSis hasn't paid for mum to come with them on holiday previously their view is not important or relevant.

No back story really, she has been widowed for a number of years so it has kind of become normal for one of us to ask her on holiday, although my siblings are much better off than I am and take her abroad etc. She would be upset if we went without her.

If you don’t have the extra money to pay for her then it’s tough, she either has to pay for herself or she can’t go. Do your sisters know she’s paying the difference or do they think you’re asking her for a share of what you were already paying?

It's not a case of stinginess - the OP doesn't have the money to pay the extra. She clearly says "we can't afford to pay".

So in that case it's simple isn't it, if the money isn't there, then the mother pays the extra or doesn't go.

No she has never paid for us to go on holiday before.

Do you and your dh want her there? I think it's fair to ask her to cover the extra costs unless you're going to be using her as a babysitter all the time .

I expect grown ups to pay for themselves (and their children). If your mother asked to come for free then she’s a CF.

Of course she should pay. When several generations go on holiday together, everyone pays their own way.

Keep it light - just tell her what her share of the holiday is, and say "here are our bank details, can you deposit the money so we can make the final payment please".

And really, there is no need to discuss this with your sisters. Unless they are joining this family holiday there is no need for them to know the details.

She is getting quite frail so no she would not be up to babysitting and I wouldn't expect it.

But surely if she has asked you whether she can come, she has also offered to pay for however much adding her will cost?!

I wouldn't ask if I knew she was not very comfortably off; but then if she was flush she would offer? To be honest I would try and find a way of making things stretch without asking her to pay.

I think you should be totally honest with her then I'm sure she'd be happy to pay. It seems entirely reasonable to me.

Of course she should pay the difference!

She has just assumed that she will be coming and therefore the money situation is quite awkward. We are going for a weekend away in November as well that we invited her on and we haven't asked her to pay anything even though the price increased again, we just can't afford the pay the difference again next year.

Of course she should pay the costs. I wouldn’t expect a free holiday from my family, particularly if it was going to cost them money that they didn’t have.

I’d say “we’d love you to come, but we can’t afford the extra costs. Are you able to afford them?” If she says no “ah that’s such a shame we’d love to have had you along, maybe for the next holiday in a few years time once we’ve saved up again”

My mother wants to come on holiday with us next year
Lol OP I also want to come on holiday with you. Add a room to your budget please, I’ll meet you at the airport

Of course she should be contributing, if your siblings have made decisions about their own finances that is up to them but they are not entitled to decide what you do with your money. If it bothers them that much maybe they should cover the extra cost

£150 for a room and some petrol money is hardly a massive amount anyway, surely she doesn’t expect free holidays from her kids every year?

I would discuss it with her, is not a massive amount for her to pay to come on a holiday.

You can't afford to pay for her to go, so either she pays the extras or your siblings chip in to cover it.

If this is the first holiday you've had for a while, do you actually want her to go with you? You can say no, you need time as family etc